Yesterday… I studied with focus… And tried to understand things…not just finishing off the assignments…
I read book to clear concept… TBH… That increases interest… I wanted to read about those things/topics more and more… application of that… At the end it felt good.
NF:
First week… I got boner almost every night… Whenever I laid on bed to sleep… But I followed my first rule…NEVER LAY FACING DOWNWARD.
From last 2 days… Urges are less in day time…no random boners and also in night I sleep peacefully yesterday w/o fighting hard with urges.
Also…No junk youtube watched… And only 1 chess game Played.
After a long time… I have crossed this 10 day streak.
I don’t think about NF or streak much… I just focus on my work…
Today I waked up at 6:15… So mich energy was there that…I didn’t sleep in daytime… Around 3Pm I felt a bit sleepy… But then I thought after completing this topic I will sleep… And then I didn’t sleep at all… But I was not tired.
So much energy today… But YESTERDAY in first half of the day… I was feeling so sleepy… Today is opposite.
Right now NF is going smooth… I don’t have to put much efforts except in night time… But I know… This is not going to be very easy…
Tomorrow my aim is…to complete my study plan…and no chess amd no youtube at all.
Today as I laid on bed… I was sleepy but… Something triggered me…and my brian remembered that comfort after 2 weeks…(not explaining what kind of comfort it was)… And that triggers me.
From past few days… I was on zero libido… But today… I got so hard boner and I broke my first rule of NOT LAY FACING DOWN…and I started edging…
Mean while I remember… I do kot have to do this…unnatural thing… It is fake…
But I was feeling as week as I felt in my lowest time… But somehow… I got up from my bad and turned on light and drink some water…
And then… I am hwre writing this… Telling myself… what just happened to me…
If I show carelessness just for a minute… Game over… This addiction is worst than drugs… I HAVE TO MAKE THIS THING CONCRETE IN MY MIND…
It has destroyed my life… I am facing consequences but and if I continue to do it… It will ruin everything.
This is my problem… Even after 7 days of nofap… I feel like chaser effect caught me.
I know my mistakes this time… I watched Porn… Which was not an option. Porn stays in my mind and lead to second relapse.
Another mistake is… After relapse last night I decided to sleep in morning and skip my exercise.
No matter what… I have to follow my routine. This fapping etc should not break my routine. After relapse, next day I feel lazy…so it is important for me to follow routine that day by hook or crook.
Anyways… Now I will keep in mind these 2 mistakes and keep going with my journey.