I have analysed myself a lot… My PMO cycle… Where I fall… Even I know how I feel on each day in the first week…
I know there are so many things I should do… And also I should leave… Obviously if I do nothing then there will be no improvement for sure.
Thins week… I will try to reduce my phone usage time…
I use my phone only for 2 things… Chess and youtube… I don’t play pubg… No fb…insta etc.
This week… From tomorrow I will post everyday about this challenge…
I will use youtube only when I really want to lnow about something related to my work or exercise etc… But I will limit this time too… to Say 30 min.
I have played my last chess match now…
Lets do this.
I was watching a video… I liked following lines by RAVAN… Thought to share it here.
Jo beet gya, budhimaan uska shok nahi karte.
Bhavishya ki chinta karmyogi nahi karta.
Iss samay, iss chhad kya karna h, uska hi nishchaya avashyak ho jata h.
The wise do not mourn what has passed. A karma yogi does not worry about the future. It becomes necessary to decide what to do at present.
I tried to leave chess and youtube… But failed.
Obviously I have reduced time spent in both a little bit but it is not satisfactory.
Just want to write something… So that I can feel better…just random thoughts.
Yesterday I was sitting in park, usually I talk to.my friend or my mind is thinking something continuously but yesterday I tried to feel the nature… I was Observing everything…people, trees, dead leaves etc.
Then my brain focused on my life… I thought what am I doing actually. I am not enjoying my life… Not going out for a vacation etc just because I have to work… I have to complete my masters.
When my friends, go out for a vacation or to a bar etc…then I thought I will go after getting settle and completing masters… It requires hard work…bla bla.
Most of my friends (who enjoy, going in to bar etc) are doing job(not that big) just after graduation they joined some job and doing it. That salary is good for them now but in future they have to suffer. That I know.
And yeah… I have to hard work now… and I will get benefits in future obviously.
But I asked this question to myself… WHAT AM I DOING? Am I studying as much required? Am I giving my best? Am I using my time efficiently? … NO
Then those friends are better than me… atleast they are enjoying their life… They are using their time better than me… I am not enjoying not studying not learning anything then what the heck am I doing.
I have learned that… I should do whatever I want but I have to make sure that I do it properly… If I am enjoying then just enjoy and then get back to work and do that work properly… It needs focus.
You already know you’re doing this investment on your future. But it is important to find the balance in life and save some time for yourself too. This will help you on the quality of your studies and focus.
I think that it’d be quite nice to be in touch with friends. In case you can try seeing them personally or at least be in touch with them.
Friends are one of the feel gifts the universe gives us for free, sometimes unexpectedly
I have taken charge of my life… Made TT and did other things.
Today is the first day of September… I was fully motivated… Used my time quite efficiently.
No youtube watched… A few games of chess in evening only.
No urges for PMO. But have to be careful in night.
FIRST THING… Now I take this addiction as a drug addiction …even worse than that… Others people can see a drug addict and know why one is unstable and destroyed his life and also can help him…but here no one knows about this addiction of ours… We cannot seek help from our family members etc.
This is more worse than drug addiction… @Forerunner I thought you wrote this thing somewhere… Taking this as drug addiction HIT ME HARD.
SECOND thing: I take MO as unnatural thing… GOD haven’t made our genitals for this thing… And if we do anything against nature then we have to face the consequences…and those can be very bad. I try to remind myself this thing.
These things helping me…to develop a sense that this is not needed… And I don’t enjoy it.
Thinking about benefits and after effects of PMO were not helping me… Or it can be said my brain got used to about those thoughts.
I will try to be disciplined on these new thoughts… In some days I am also going to change my location… These changes obviously will help me to take fresh start and give my brain a signal to change and more careful.
You’re right brother, I did say that. I was quoting from the EasyPeasyMethod book. It truly is a drug addiction. And what you said is an important reminder - even for drug addicts, at least people in their lives are aware of what they are going through, but the drugs we have taken are a very private activity. We could do it for decades without any of our loved ones knowing we were suffering.
Completely agree with you. The great thing is that it doesn’t benefit us at all and we don’t gain anything good from it anyway, which makes it even easier to escape from.
Glad to see that you started off 1st September in a good way. Keep up the momentum!
A new journey
From today… I will watch a video or read about some great personalities weekly… And follow those good habits in that particular week… For the whole week I will keep reminding myself those things.
#change your habits… Change your life.
Week: 19/9 - 26/9
I will follow these quotes by one and only Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.
I will focus on learning only… And acquire knowledge.
Yesterday… I studied with focus… And tried to understand things…not just finishing off the assignments…
I read book to clear concept… TBH… That increases interest… I wanted to read about those things/topics more and more… application of that… At the end it felt good.
First week… I got boner almost every night… Whenever I laid on bed to sleep… But I followed my first rule…NEVER LAY FACING DOWNWARD.
From last 2 days… Urges are less in day time…no random boners and also in night I sleep peacefully yesterday w/o fighting hard with urges.
Also…No junk youtube watched… And only 1 chess game Played.
After a long time… I have crossed this 10 day streak.
I don’t think about NF or streak much… I just focus on my work…
Today I waked up at 6:15… So mich energy was there that…I didn’t sleep in daytime… Around 3Pm I felt a bit sleepy… But then I thought after completing this topic I will sleep… And then I didn’t sleep at all… But I was not tired.
So much energy today… But YESTERDAY in first half of the day… I was feeling so sleepy… Today is opposite.
Right now NF is going smooth… I don’t have to put much efforts except in night time… But I know… This is not going to be very easy…
Tomorrow my aim is…to complete my study plan…and no chess amd no youtube at all.
Today as I laid on bed… I was sleepy but… Something triggered me…and my brian remembered that comfort after 2 weeks…(not explaining what kind of comfort it was)… And that triggers me.
From past few days… I was on zero libido… But today… I got so hard boner and I broke my first rule of NOT LAY FACING DOWN…and I started edging…
Mean while I remember… I do kot have to do this…unnatural thing… It is fake…
But I was feeling as week as I felt in my lowest time… But somehow… I got up from my bad and turned on light and drink some water…
And then… I am hwre writing this… Telling myself… what just happened to me…
If I show carelessness just for a minute… Game over… This addiction is worst than drugs… I HAVE TO MAKE THIS THING CONCRETE IN MY MIND…
It has destroyed my life… I am facing consequences but and if I continue to do it… It will ruin everything.
THANKS TO GOD… HE SAVED ME…
21 days completed today… No urges and all.
But from 1… 2… days… I am again in that lazy mode… That energy and spark is gone now… Or I should say… my body become habitual of that.
But I have to be Focused and careful…this lazyness can take me to that PMO loop again.
I don’t want to loose this chance…this is final opportunity for me… If I fail here too…then no change in lifestyle can make thing better for me.
Streak 1: 23 days complete
Not able to beat chaser… Resistance is zero… Relapsed again.
I am again in that loop… Don’t lnow…what happened in night to me… Just cannot resist urges…
I have to bounce back… This weekend I have to abstain anyhow…
3 days challenge for myself.
Controlled for 6 days this time…
I have to beat chaser now… I don’t have to relapse again…
3 days challenge again for me.
From 15/9/21 to 15/10/21
Streak 1: 23 Days (4/10/21)
Streak 1-2/1-3/1-4: 1/1/1 Day (CHASER)
Streak 2: 6 days
Total of 25 days…Free from this addiction.
Worked from morning to evening… Then did exercise… Then home… but then… P*** and relapse.
Fk this P*.
I have to very careful.
Going good now… No thoughts of Fap or P***
I just wake up then get ready…do my breakfast and then go to my workplace… Do work whole day… No energy left till night for these useless things.
Now I have to take care only in my Off days or Holidays.
Just for 30 days… With consistency… I will write here daily.
I am not targeting any particular streak… I know… If I go for many days without fap… At the end I stuck in chaser effect and I am back to square one.
So I am doing it slowly… Just reducing my relapse frequency per month.
I am targeting a week only without relapse and then I have to just control myself for another week.
If I reduce relapse frequency to 4 oer month, it is a win for me.
Good strategy bro. Just dont watch any explicit content which leads you to slip on this journey.
I hope you’ll will be fine by time.