[25 M] Neo: A New Journey

Hey bro delete youtube from your phone. You can use pc to do that and use youtube only from computer.
I deleted chrome, youtube and everything from my phone and locked playstore using the stay focused app. It is the best app for controlling phone addiction; just pay 300 rupees and all features will be available. I locked playstore and gave password to mother. Now I don’t use phone at all except to check whatsapp once a day for official-university purposes.
Using internet through phone is distraction and time wastage. But through pc will be much more productive

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Day 4 (NoFap)

Feeling good and Focused. Exercise helps a lot… Also now my focus on muscle building exercise videos or diet videos instead of some junk videos.

So overall time is utilised and not wasted.

I also analysed and got to know what was triggering me from past few days so much… I found it and I eliminated that too…just by making a small decision… Now I am having less urges. Now I have much clarity… But still brain craves for it sometimes so hard. But we all know…this is a never ending fight… Embrace urges and distract yourself

Don’t take dictation of mind… Give dictation to mind

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Warning: TRIGGER

I want to share something about this shit PMO… I had sex last week… Before having sex…I was thinking that after this I will not do PMO… Because from last year… My brain was giving a little excuse that I haven’t kissed/hug/etc my gf from 1.5 or 2 years. So I am having more urges to do PMO.

And obviously… Due to that plan of sex thing… I was able to hold a good streak as compared to previous 6 months.

We both enjoyed that day…we spent a quality time after so long… But then next day…those urges were sooo high…

I felt like I was not satisfied… It might be chaser.

Don’t know… exactly why it happened… it was just opposite of my expectations… Which bothered me very much.

I end up… Doing PMO 9 times in last 7 days… Can you believe this… Yesterday somehow… I did so many mew things… Made some changes etc… To motivate myself and to get out from that loop of PMO.

Guys…this shit is something else… This is worse…This addiction is different … This has no connection with sex… After sex… There is no regret… There is a feeling of love…bonding etc.

Enough now… I feel trapped sometimes. I know only solution is to be disciplined… Keep myself busy… do exercise meditation regularly… And keep fighting with endless urges…

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21/7/21

Today… I started my day on time… Benefit of this is I am motivated to finish things in time and I remain on the track… But after having lunch…I stuck in my work… And then I didn’t want to do work… I took some rest and that’s where I went off track today… then I hit gym…then I met with one of my good friend… I felt quite good… Then I had dinner and then I worked a little bit again.

Tomorrow I will try to reduce the ise of youtube… And keep on track after lunch…

I also missed Meditation today.

Still it was a good day… Better than yesterday.

Good night guys.
I will not do PMO… BECAUSE I HATE DOING IT… I AM NOT SLAVE OF IT…I AM THE BOSS…

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I relapsed again today… This P** stuff is really worse… Those flashbacks don’t leave so easily.

First step to leave P**… I will target this… And try to target 7 days atleat without PMO.

I have to be consistent in these small things… Like updating this diary… Following small tasks etc.

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Day 1
24/7/21

Today is very good and pure day… Becoz it is guru purnima today.

Today I tried to do my work and study… I started that…not that much but still. Etter than yesterday today… obviously these small changes can be seen on day 1 itself… If we observe very carefully… We are not that much low energy as we are on day 0…

I have felt this before… That power… It was different… I want to feek that again… But obviously it requires a lot of effort.

Whatever… I will do this… Today… Many times I got urges to see P** but I said to myself… NO…I am not going to see P**…I can waste my time watching TV or Playing chess or youtube…but NO P**

I know this will be over in 2…3… days… Then there will be direct urges to do MO.

I hit gym…and did my workout properly… Doing workout also helps a lot… It also increases our will power… Becoz when we set a fix number of reps… It requires strong will power to complete that much reps… And when we do it…it gives a very good feeling… I started loving that part.

From tomorrow… A very pure months is starting… month of SAVAN… It is for lord shiva… I pray for all of us…that we will come out from this addiction and achieve our goals…becoz we have that thing within us… Everyone have it… All the best to everyone here

Good night

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Day 2
25/7/21

Total wasted day… Not studied a single hour… But whole day I was telling myself…I should study bla bla bla…but my focus is like limited to 15 minutes only…

Actually the thing is I ak habitual of studying in pressure… Like when I have deadline or exam etc…
But now there is no such deadline… (Short term deadline)… but I know this will effect me in long run.

Whatever…I am in the river now… If I don’t swim then I will be dead… Now I have to change myself…

Good thing is… I did not do PMO today…

Good night.

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Day 3
26/7/21

Today I make it super busy… Very little time wasted and that is also in the end of the day. 1 hour mobile used in extra stuff.

I could feel the Energy of this day 3 clearly in me… I worked out in gym like hell.

I didn’t study that much… But yeah studied more than last 5 or 6 days.

At night I was so tired that I fall asleepas I went to bed.

Learning: This night time is so crucial for many of us… Becoz in this time, we are alone mostly… amd also in a good position to do PMO… So Keep yourself busy… Do some physical exercise that make you tired… cold shower… also Do not sleep in day time… No urges in night… Or if we have urges, we don’t have to resist for that much time…becoz we will fall asleep… WORKED FOR ME.

THANK YOU GOD.
All the best to everyone… Give your best every day.

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Day 5
28/7/21

It was day 5 today… yesterday and today…not much work done but yeah… I was trying to be busy in some kind of work.

Today… One thing happened actually… And then I got triggeted… But I was trying to ignore it etc etc… But at the end I relapsed.

But No P***… I am not in any regret or bad feeling…its ok… I know this will not be done in one shot…

Only thing I have to remember now is to not relapse again before 5 days.

That I will make sure that I will take this streak beyond 5 days atleast.

Thanks God
All the best guys.

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29/7/21

It never stop at 1… IDK why… I don’t feel any resistance…it was like urge is hitting me and I am doing it. I relapsed 2 times after that 1.

I don’t think… Chaser can hit me afyer 5 days streak… But it seems so…

Whatever but now I am done… Again I will fight… I will not give up.

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Bro @neo_150 please delete this coment in my diary…I am updating my diary… I will add more pics about nofap…please don’t mind :slightly_smiling_face:

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@Adioz_aka_Adidas thanks bro.

@_TIGER … Deleted bro.

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1/8/21
Day 0

STARTING AGAIN… I relapsed 3 times yesterday… Last relapse I did deliberately to exhaust myself.

After a streal of 3…4… days… If I relapse once (failed in maintaining streak) then it is okay like I can control my thoughts… I tell myself now I will not relapse again and will cross last streak etc… And also after effects are also not very much like loss of enthu or motivation.
But resistance to not do PMO is very less… It is like as soon as I got urges then my brain do not give me signal to stop it from etc.

I watched a video… It seems PMO session activates our limbic system and dominates prefrontal cortex.

And also as we all know…He told Meditation is really important to activate prefrontal cortex.

Whatever… We all know the right way… DISCIPLINE.

Discipline in doing what is important for me…Study, exercise, meditation and reading.

Discipline in using my senses.

Discipline in spending time.

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*2/8/21
Day 0

Whole day was passing good… But at night… Couldn’t control P** urges… Right now I am feeling like I am not in my control… This PMO has brought me to my knees. I am fucking trapped.

I have locked my phone now… No youtube…no chrome… Etc.

I know my mistake… I am not following my routine… Not doing meditation… Not reading etc… But the thing is I am not feeling that enthu in me… I just don’t want to do anything… Feeling weak…lazy.

I will fight… I will fight.

I have to understand… I have to control my senses… These are the gates.

I am taking 3 days challenge… If I do it…I will reward myslef…then I will take 2 more days challenge… And so on.

I will set rewards for every challenge today.

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3/8/21
DAY 1

Busy day… Not studied… But I was busy in some other stuff… Wasted a bit of time…watched youtube etc…

Now… In night… I am having urges to open chrome and search for P**… And then I opened rewire app :sweat_smile:

I can remember that disgust feeling after PMO… I don’t want that…

I can also remember that energy… when I was on my HS… I want that.

No fantasizing… No P**… No edging… No relapse position… No MO

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4/8/21
DAY 2

Good day…no urges… Only after lying on bed… I Got a little urges to do something or watch something but I ignored it.

Also today studied a bit… Not doing exercise from last week… Tomorrow I will hit gym not matter what… Try to reduce phone usage time.

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7/8/21
Day 4

After day 2… I was quite busy… There was some problem in house etc… No urges at all.

Also something happened with me… Which realised myself… Who am I… What have I done… Importance of time… time never stops … Time never comes back…

Obviously we all know these things… But sometimes we realise it when someone else tell us… Or something we did.

To be honest… What I feel… Do everything… Utikise your time in some useful stuff…from which we gain something… and try to do something that js related to your work.

I am doing that only now…

I was so careless and now I am paying the price for it… Never spend your time uselessly… I am changing myself…

All the best everyone.

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After completing… around 4 days 14hours… I RELAPSED again.

No P***… Only MO… My problem is FANTASIZING… Some thoughts popped up in my mind… those quality moments which I spent with my gf… And then these things happen.

When I do MO…or got these thoughts… I don’t remember anything… This forum…the pain after MO… things I suffered due to this addiction…etc…

And that’s why… After MO… I get that guilt feeling… KYA ME BS ISS SAB K LIYE HI APNI gf K SATH HU… KYA ME USKO LOVE KRTA BHI HU… Etc etc

How am I feeling now:

After MO… Obviously first those guilt feel and then my brain says… I will not do it… I will focus on work… lets have a 1 hour NAP…etc… Then I sleep…

But now… No feeling of doing any work… Have craving of eating something spicy… Some junk food…maggie… etc… But also… Felt so lazy that I do not want to make maggie… So I am eating kurkure now.

I know… Till night this craving of getting dopamine again will not suppress by eating something… And also it will crave Directly for something erotic video etc…

After first relapse… I always feel like I can fix it… I can analyse… I can think that sitting idle is not good for me… I have to do work… But obviously I do not feel.like to do any work… EVEN I DO NOT WANT TO WRITE THIS DIARY HERE TOO FROM INSIDE…BUT I AM WRITING TO REMEMBER THIS FEELING… And Understand that I am stuck in the same loop.

Sometimes I feel to ask to some of my friends about my solu… But they have told me everything… Even I also know myself… I know my problem… I should say…I know the solution too…but I am not able to follow it

Being here in the forum… I got to know… This thing is not going to leave me… I have to be always conscious… Busy… Disciplined

I have to stop those thoughts… Or divert my mind in the initial stage only… I have to make sure, nit to be in relapse position (yes I always do MO… especially first time… In a particular position… That is laying upside down on bed and rubbing my D using friction)**

Whatever… I am not giving up… As usual… As I always say after my first relapse…

But I have to something different to break the loop… I have to understand… After second relapse… These bad feeling will grow more and I will end up jerking like an animal till I get exhausted… Which obviously worsen the situation…

Writing my feelings…is first thing what I am doing against my feeling… After this… I will study… Complete my target… And then also do meditation today…
. And at night… I will make sure to not relapse again.

This is my Today’s task…

I will write tomorrow.

Edit: From now I will write everything…every feeling… It will be quite long… But I want to break the regularness…

Also…To be honest… From inside… I want to ask for help… But then a thought coming in my mind… What will happen after that… my brain is giving same reason as I explained above… Whatever… I will do it against it now… I am calling some of my friends here… Please help me… I know the solution too… But you can understand my problem… You know what happen with us…

@Tagore @josephvt @Adioz_aka_Adidas @_TIGER @Forerunner @anon13059885 @NhTbH @selfconqurer @Prox @drago

One more thing to add… What I have learnt… This addiction has nothing to do with anything happens in my life… As I told before… I had quality time eith my gf after a long time thinking that this will dec frequency… Nothing happened… Another thing bad happened with me… I realised that I waste my time… and due to this addiction I failed in my work… And that precious time will not come again… But again…I relapsed… This addiction has nothing to do with anything happens in my life… It want what it wants only.

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Hey @neo_150
It’s a lot you are throwing out there but know we all understand it because we all have experienced the aftermath of a relapse. It’s the feeling of betrayal and defeat.

What if you remembered? What if you were aware?

I’ve written about that just recently:

You know PMO is garbage and you know that MOing won’t do you any good either. Internalize that daily, really think about it. Write about it. Make it part of your character by building a habit around that. Don’t go back to the willpower method. You don’t need any willpower to stop hitting your head against the wall.

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Even I’ve been doing not much good

I encountered something same today
My urges were high

So this was the process
I went to Google search and typed nsfw
The sites weren’t there due to pblocker
I removed pblocker
I typed the words again
This time the sites are there
Then

My mind : do you want to watch this

Me : yea badly

Do you want to be able to run a complete marathon (my dream)

Me : yes much more badly

Now do you want to fap

Me : wtf was i thinking to do right now

Then i got control of myself then ran for 5 kms in the park next to my home
After that installed pblocker again and I’m going to be honest this same situation might come around any time and i might not win at all of them maybe it can be there even next day
But still I’m proud of the victory today

Which helps in removing the guilt you’re feeling

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