You are going towards light…keep going…stay strong always.
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Dear sister… in my opinion GIRLS ARE BORN BRAVE( idk how to say this but you can understand it).
I mean you can see this naturally… God made girls like that naturally…they have to face more challenging tasks that a man cannot do.
Like child birth…that pain is equivalent to breaking 20 bones… some people say it is wrong but still if it is not exactly correct then I can definitely say it equals to breaking 1 bone(atleast)… does a man can break his bone knowingly? There are also other problems and challenges in that period of 9 months… does a man can tie a 2 kg weight on his waist and stay that way for 4 or 5 months?
Also there are some other differences naturally which makes their daily life challenging … but still women are not lacking in anything… they are performing even better in every field now.
God gives challenges to those who are worthy
I Believe in you sister… I know you will achieve your goal.
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Recap: Thank you!
Neo_150, you are right woman do have many challenging tasks. Those tasks you mentioned: some facts I didn’t know about it…neat.
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Thank you for encouraging words to get me to push through this! Thank you!
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1 Day 7 hrs 42 minutes Into this!
Sinners _ I am one and that is scary to know that I may not able to find 
peace till I understand the true why? Or in other meaning: the real why I did P and M because I fell short. I was low and had not understand the real plan of my life.
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2 day 1hr 15 minutes…
Each day brings in challenges
Each day new obstacles arise and you still wonder where you really are and how you fit in…
Attitudes in the MIND:
Past: I have been lost for awhile trying to figure out why my self-esteem is low alot is because I let it be that way.
You were into the drug, alcohol, PMO life, you were suicidal and drained by others in the present moment. I kept saying I can fight this mentality, but kept getting caught up into that life.
Present: I get tempted believe me, it happens to the best of us. We all want the goal of riding ourselves of this evil in our minds and souls.
Time to HEAL:
I am leaned up against a tall tree, laying on the shadowy side writing this to you because it feels normal. I used to cut myself and do drugs and have sexual desires, but I can be free. I can be stronger than the devilish ways of human kind. I can smile and be in my own world.
Boss: I want to do run/walk/yoga because I am in the zone of wondering how much I gained during Quarantine, so hoping I can get that together.
What I did today: Woke up and realized my life is not making sense at the present moment. What do you do or say to fix it? I want changed mindset.
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Wonder keep going…
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More Intense Information about May 22/23
I am now on day 2 and was telling everyone what I did:
Recap: What I did today (May 22) : Woke up and realized my life is not making sense at the present moment. What do you do or say to fix it? I want changed mindset. I had conflictions of what to do because baptism occurred and past decisions were in full light and arguments arising. It is sad the way people handle things in fact I wonder why people question the decisions you make. I am trying to have a better life by reading, hearing, and spreading new news. Guess my heart it’s in the right place cause I was in the past a dinner falling short and now leading towards the light because I feel the calling.
Questions of the complex relationship:
Is it stable or unstable? Unatable
Arguments or None? We have many due to mood changes and behavioral problems
Conflictions or none? We debate about things often wondering when the life we lead will change for the better
Doubts? We have many doubts which is quite sad
Strengths? None
Happiness? Hard to find all the time
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Keep going…good…
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May 23_ Into Darkness --> Shine a Light
I was a pornstar. I have many scars but through it all I met many friends. It was a life that wasn’t luxurious, but one that was object filled and not right in my eyes. Some have asked how to get started or what to do if that life is in front of you would you take that path again.
Answer to that is no, because I have a better light in my life than the ones in the past. I feel that those who ask are wanting to sin which is not right that life is not a good one. You will realize it because of this:
_ have friends but may lose them if they find out
_ stress of keeping with videos
_self-esteem exists
_ lower level of real satisfaction in an actual relationship
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I am 3 days strong. I was baptized a few days ago. I am trying to lead a better life. I want to understand the upside feelings one can have just being a girl in this messed up world. I sit and wait as sin creeps inside people’s souls and wonder why it happens so frequently.
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Day 3
In the darkness I sit with a blanket around me and figure that somewhere in the world someone is struggling more or less than you…Raise a 
hand if you are struggling.
Taking personal steps to recovery:
- Remember that life still goes on even if you made a change in your heart
- Admit when P and M and O are your used to be world and that your better than that life cause your worth more than gold and don’t have to prove that to anyone. True friends and supporting body stick with you and those that don’t get you obviously were a waste of breath
- Triggers occur because you were weak don’t be weak but be strong and courageous like army soldier
- Life is more valuable than cutting and watching P or doing M and or doing O.
Smaller happiness - equals not a great lifestyle - Write down your feelings cause many have them and it’s okay to cry. Crying is an emotional stay away from kind of thing but I feel it is healthy to let it out.
Best of Luck
Jen
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That’s the perfect mindset with which we dhould move away from PMO.
Yes this is a good thing because you let it out from your heart and then you feel relaxed.
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Yes!! I Have experienced it… Especially for boys… boys think Crying make them weak but it is not true… CRYING MAKE US MORE STRONGER… when we done with crying then there is no feeling left to regret/depress/cry anymore.
Only one feeling comes to my mind… Bounce back and feelig of satisfaction/peace.
Cry to keep going, No matter what comes in our path. We are stronger than that demon
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Day 4
Last night, I broke one of my other addictions other than PMO and that hurts cause it was trigger effect like a bullet hitting the heart. People say triggers happen for a reason and you never know what may cause them or even set them off. Mine last night was arguing and fighting over things that were stupid and naive for me to even process at the moment.
I feel my trust broken like glass with a friend for a mistake. I am delicate and that is okay.
Floating on perfect clouds is hard to do as a follower of God. I feel unclean because I relasped on a drug that could have killed me. I was not thinking when it happened. When thinking’s set you off you react.
My reaction: going into a closet and hiding and making a huge mistake.
Trust: Past: 100%–>30%
Can my world get better?
Will I get better?
Will the weight on my shoulders be finally lifted?
Will my path of trying.to be straight work?
Will I learn from this?
Will forgiveness be at play?
Has my trust in people gone to far?
Am I a danger to myself and others?
Will this story ever make sense?
Will clarity come in the least expected ways?
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If you sincerely seek forgiveness from Christ…you can be sure He has forgiven you.
You can definitely get better…you are getting better…you are better already…don’t view it as a destination…view it as a journey. Today I read a quote here in the app.
“Happiness is not a goal it is a by-product of a life well-lived” Just live your life…the decision you made to follow Christ was an amazing step in the right direction.
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It would be nice as well to reconcile with your friend now that you’ve seen your fault. An apology can go a long way.
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Day 5
Apology to my friend occurred and forgiveness happened which I am glad about. I feel like I don’t need to go to that place anymore cause it is dark and confusing.
I took a nap today and felt the need to say that I am glad I am trying to change for the better. Someone once told me you take things one day at a time and they are right. I also took the step to ask God to help me through this and ask for forgiveness because what I did was wrong and not the right path to take. In addition, my urges are decreasing and that is bright side.
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Wow!! You are doing great…
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Day 5: 7 hrs: 29 minutes
Can being in a mood…harm you. Am I an amazing person? Will things make sense in time. I lay on this couch and think why is my head spinning with how I want life and how my life is. I question if it is a normal thing.
I dream of silence 
Guess it is a joke to think of oneself like your in your own little world. Anyway my head is not on right now.
I feel like thinking maybe my life is not perfect it is a hard life to live when one has no job and trying to make ends meet.
My stress is high and anxiety is right there. Guess I need to breath. Guess I need to chill. This is the first day of not having a drug in system. And 5th day to have No PMO. I think that’s something. Why do I have these questions?
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