[22 F] Jam5c Diary

Day 0 - I had to restart my streak back to day zero due to relapse. Many asked what happened and the answer is pornography. It is when I was a dark place that I fell. I felt ashamed because it is an emotional toll on girls. Some may know how that goes. I felt completely guilty and feel that in order to have something done the right way I would create a diary of my journey and see where it leads.

Lastly, if you want to after reading my outpouring of what I wrote…want to comment or add something motivational or even give guidance or share a little bit of your story or want to have a companion to message everyday, that is completely okay with me.

Good Luck and My NoFap Goal: 1 day at least because starting small and going bigger.

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You should think about each day ratger than focussing on a huge goal of a lrge no. of days of nofap. Trust me, as you will progress, urges will be less.

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You are my companion for nofap, and talking to you helps me in controlling my urges! So if you feel urges, you can talk to me anytime!

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Hey

Jay this side,

Today I completely 28 days, I have addicted since long …

We can help each other in odd hour …

My share code is 7u3zv6

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Keep going jam5c. We both are on the same day. We’ll get out of this together. And good thing that even you started a diary like me. I felt good because for the first time i thought that i motivated someone from my work towards the right path.

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We all understand those feelings of shame and guilt, you’re not alone.

Great action in deciding to start a diary :+1: :100: :fire:

I’d suggest looking deeper into what led you to that dark place - what negative and false beliefs, what emotional state were you in, which personal needs were going unmet and so on.

Keep up the spirit and don’t lose hope!

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Thank you for the support, I will definitely make note of emotions in my paper journal I am writing.

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3 Days 20hrs
_ at peace with self need to stay motivated during this time of confusion and also stay safe while the world is nervous to even be out at times, it is nice to have my mask on while sitting down next to a body of water.

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Plan to add what was going on in my head during my time of being off the phone…at least what I wrote down in my written journal

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Sunday, 3 May 2020

3:15pm -
New Orleans Time - Before the Relapse Day 1

I feel like I can have happiness without sexual desires to go with it. I feel like my emotional self is gone. and I may be out of the woods. It is hot here and also managed to get some of my room clean so feel a little less depressed than I did before so that’s a plus and also I feel like I can’t come by this emotional pull to leave or stay here in New Orleans cause I am so scared of what the future holds like what is actually fate or destiny.
8:19pm - Before the Relapse - Day 1
My challenge starting right now is staying off Facebook and seeing how I do because I feel it is tempting me to not achieve a goal that i want which is to better myself. I know it will be tricky but feel it is necessary to go off grid so I can focus on the primary goal of healing and being a well-rounded person for everyone around me. Hopefully this doesn’t flop! Also I have no desire for sexual pleasures it’s great not having the same urgent feeling all the time. I really feel that i can accomplish being true to NoFAP and loving myself and my body for the purpose it is suppose to be which is a temple.
9:30pm Before the Relapse - Day 1
Just posted my first ever thing for the other rewire companions to see, I hope other girls or guys are in the same boat as me so I can have someone to talk about these issues I have with insecurities that range from self-esteem to body image and there is many more, but the point is I feel if I talk with them maybe I won’t be alone in the struggle and have someone who relates to my personal issues.

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Sunday 3 May 2020 11:32pm - Before the relapse - Day 2
Day 2: Not sure what the world will bring but hopefully it will be fruitful and I won’t have an emotional break down cause of no Facebook. But like every desire it leads to other ones so hopefully I can pull this off. I feel like I have come so far and need a reason to keep pressing onward and upward.

Monday 4 May 2020 - Before the relapse - Day 2
Okay so, I have been helping a lot of people out with NoFAP and it is making my heart glow like a firefly. I am happy that i can make a difference. Thoughts are now spiraling after posting so much on message board, but I get it. People want normalcy and that is okay and I can reason with it. You have many battles just like the ones that are mentally making you have an urge.
Am I worthless in this process…- 5:53pm

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Tuesday, 5 May 2020 2:06pm - before the relapse - Day 3
Crying my eyes out, feeling depressed…I know when my depression is sinking in, my emotions start to arise and want satisfaction needs met.
Wednesday , 6 May 2020 8:33am - Before the relapse - Day 4
Today is a new day, I can pull off not having an urge at all while being at home bored and also finding out my friend is blind. I can be better than the person I was yesterday to be happy and more confident and motivated. Also in quarantine it kind of makes life limited and that is okay because it teaches me to appreciate things a lot more. #Day4

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Day 4 continued…same day the 6th of May…but its 9:59pm
I feel terrible.

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Thursday, 7 May 2020 4:18pm - Off the Phone & Beginning of challenge - Day 0
Yesterday, technically Wednesday night I broke the NoFAP code. I said I watched pornography to my friends, but in actuality I had broken my spirits to the moon. I never want to have sexual desires ever again cause it rushes back horrible memories of being enslaved as a sexual object.

Same Day - Different time: 7:00pm
I am trying something new which is challenge someone named Daim to 5 days of NoFAP. I feel like even with falling I can rise again and be stronger than i was before. I feel good though I went on a walk for a little while which is very good and inspiring, it also lifted my spirits up from the all time low to another level.

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Friday, 8 May 2020 - Day 1
Day 1 of NoFAP challenge, it is morning time and just made bacon and biscuits with strawberry cream cheese. It is delicious and good. I also cleaned the dishes. Watching Kelly & Ryan show this morning and learned how to make french toast! Hope I can learn to make it. I feel pretty good about myself. I have no desires flying through my head. It’s debatable as to where my NoFAP Journal will go next or where my journey will land. I want to touch on my first relapse, I feel guilty because it didn’t feel completely right. i think overall i felt like I was lost. I also learned about something about no phone or distraction for me that is being able to complete a task at hand and really focus.

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Later the 8th
It’s still Friday, but wanted to say that I don’t like writing when not in silence, guess it overwhelms me to the brim or something like sensory overload. It’s raining now, and starting to miss messaging friends. Guess rain really makes me upset or something cause was happy and then was in a deep concentration on writing and then overload, guess loud noises get to me.

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Even later on the 8th of May

Do emotions matter to other people?
Is respect for women never understood?
Is it when others have emotions that I overreact or act a certain way?
Why do people not agree with NoFAP challenge at hand?
I feel like i can’t help people due to no phone privileges.
Will it get better or worse? Will other people learn to understand the reasons why?
Do letters mean nothing to people who are impatient?
I don’t know what will happen next in my story but hope it will turn up right and good.
It is raining really hard and all i can think of is the song that lifted my spirits up when I was younger, it is coming to my mind.

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The way you started your day (8th may) was just perfect. try practicing that. When we keep our mind busy with new works and learning new things, there are less chances of mind diversion.
But remember, everything is limited during this current world senario. So this will not last for long and eventually when you’ll have nothing new to do or when you’ll sit ideal again, make a promise to youself that you are not going to drown back into your flashbacks.

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That was powerful. I will definitely keep that on my mind.

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May 12th
6:04 pm - Indiana Time
During silence, I was driving and making myself confident I could be happy, but with that hope it never happens. Losing myself and lost. Need encouraging words.

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