Even if he comes online once in a blue moon he doesn’t spend more than 2-3 minutes 
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Just sharing my perspectives, when I was a child I was really excited about Friday because I will be getting 2 days leave after that.
But now I am really scared when Friday comes , my mind be like " How will I endure those 2 days " I think everyone here feels like that.
Productive stuff helps but its these days I am alone. Hopefully didn’t relapse today.
Always thank God for everything
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Code continues
following your
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This is my current diary @Sholtro_Tenjerrot . So yeah , All the best for that
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Hey risinglion, What’s up? How are you? How 's your preparation for what’s written on title?
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Hey Black Magic , I was great in my peak of discipline, academics and no fap for the past few days. . Things got screwed up the moment I fapped a few days. Tbh , I am in one of my lowest phase in my life. Discipline used to be my barrier in those negative situations.
Regarding the title, I haven’t given up yet. And will not give up either. I am a lion both in my username and in my zodiac sign. The wounded lion is more dangerous.
I won’t give up. Btw how are you? Hope everything’s great regarding no fap and other areas of life.
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I am fine, my life monotonous everyday, nothing new. I am doing fine not that great.
Do you read newspaper daily ?
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Nop , I read Competition success and pratyogita darpan which is the filtered news on a monthly basis. Its also free from negative news . Its also best suited for UPSC preparation with a lot of qn papers and mock interviews. Currently reading those magazines.
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As mentioned earlier, my life is getting shittier each day. I will keep this diary as honest as possible since I didn’t see any guy or a women here whom I know in my real life.
Being honest with my diary is important as it also acts as moment of self reflection.
Will try to post some pics ( not pics associated with my identity ) whenever I see something great.
But more importantly, focusing on discipline and my daily goals. Anyway I think things won’t change even if I make a new diary ( I don’t want a 9th diary tbh ) . Its me who have change, not the diary .
So let me keep track on my discipline…
Wish me luck. I wish everyone a successful journey ahead.
Always Thanks God for everything
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Daily habits
Read 30 minutes
Mindfulness practice 15 minutes
Workout
Practice classical music
To do list update
None
To do list for today
Complete CAM notes
Complete SS notes
Complete AC notes
Complete Maths notes
Deadline
15 July - DE assignment 1
15 July - DE assignment 2
No fap update
MILESTONE : 1
Current streak : 1 days
Badge : Prisoner
Daily journal
Will update tomorrow
Always thank God for everything
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I am starting small when it comes to daily habits. I believe its better to be consistent in few habits than being inconsistent in many habits
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Bhai, you were preparing for neet, right? What happened to your Neet prep?
And , please make your account public .
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My neet prep finished 2 years ago now I am an Engineering undergraduate ( You know the neet climax then right ? )
Anyway working for getting good marks in my college is my short term goal , then steadily looking for M.tech , then IAS officer…
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Ok here it goes. Give me a minute
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Hope its visible now
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I think you took “try everything(repeat what you love)” too seriously .
No i know your about your neet prep, after you said “fuxk” related thing to your dad. 
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Title of your st.
Yeah, finally.
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It was my dream of honors degree and I failed to get it miserably. So yeah fuck happened
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Daily habits
Read 30 minutes
Mindfulness practice 15 minutes
Workout
Practice classical music
To do list update
Complete CAM notes
Complete SS notes
Complete AC notes
Complete Maths notes
To do list for today
Complete DE assignment 2
Complete Maths Test for tomorrow
Deadline
15 July - DE assignment 1
15 July - DE assignment 2
No fap update
MILESTONE : 3
Current streak : 3 days
Badge : Settler
Daily journal
Confessions ( Before 12 July )
1
Yesterday ( 11 July ) I went to my tuition class and unfortunately saw a woman of my age in an awkward position which triggered the hell out of me. I think this would be relatable to you. For a P addict anything can be a trigger associated with women.
But I gathered courage to overcome that situation and moved on. But the sad part is I was not able to focus on that tuition class. So those were nothing but a waste of time.
Even though I have gone there for a good cause, the result was counterproductive. Anyway with the blessings of God, I was able to overcome that day.
Next day woke up at 5 am and worked out for an hour. It was Sunday. So I played video games for almost an 2 hours and decided I will study hard during the remaining part of the day. The moment I started studying, My mom forced me to attend a marriage of one of my distant relatives. I argued with my mom for an hour. But I failed in that argument. I reached home attending the marriage at early evening but frustrated regarding the fact I was not able to study.
Combined with the trigger that happened yesterday. I relapsed.
2
I got my S3 results. The SGPA is 6.55. My mom is a kind of woman who is only happy when I get results more than 9. I told a lie to my mom that I got a SGPA of 8.62. My mom was neither sad nor happy . I was really tensed when my mom told me to take a printout of S3 result. I lied again that the link associated with results is not working. I am really scared whether the truth will hit on her face one day or another.
I am thinking if I can get a good mark for S4 , I will tell the truth to her so that the punishment won’t be harsh.
3
The results of our 1st internal examination appeared.
AC - 13 / 50
CAM - 5 / 50
SS - 26 / 50
COI - 25 / 50
Maths - 18 / 50
DE - 38 / 50
Except for DE , my marks for remaining subjects is an absolute trash. Whenever my mom asks me for results, I reply that it is not posted yet. My army of lies is hurting me every single day.
Confession ( Conclusion)
The guilt associated with a lot of lies is draining me like anything. I don’t know what to do. Hope I come up with better decisions.
12 July
10.30 PM
Opened Rewire companion app after almost 2 weeks. I thought I would be successful in No fap if I start not to think about it too much. Tbh that kind of mindset helped initially but not during the situations where I am having intense urge.
Had a small talk with Sholt and BlackMagic here and went to sleep at 10.45 PM.
13 July
I was sleepless for an entire night. I was having severe cold and body pain. I can’t move my body at all. I took a leave so that I can rejuvenate from this.
But that didn’t helped, I was like sleeping lifeless till evening. Visited the doctor. I saw a pic that was hanging on the wall. I am a Hindu by religion but I was really moved my Jesus Christ picture that was hanging on the wall .
I was not able to take the photo well because the doctor called me while taking one. While I was gazing at the photo I felt like Jesus is asking me " Why are you taking your life so seriously ? "
I don’t know why ? I cried like anything. Thankfully Since I was wearing a mask , No one noticed it…
The doctor told me I was having viral fever.
For me its the guilt that is making me weaker than viral fever. A lot of suicidal thoughts appearing in front of me. The fact that I am a single child , and no one is there except me is there to carry this generation is the only reason that keeps me fighting against suicide.
Had all the tablets to be eaten before and after food. Accidentally I ate one medicine which is only supposed to be inhaled not consumed. My dad was angry at me for that.
Played Pokemon for half an hour and dozed off to sleep.
14 July ( Till 6.30 PM )
Apart from having a slight body temperature, everything is well. I am getting slightly motivated to get things done. Started reading the book " The Secret " by Rhonda Bryne the book about law of attraction. I was really busy completing my 1st DE assignment and was able to complete it by afternoon.
By mid afternoon , my class teacher asked me to give my parents phone number so that she can contact my parents regarding the open house that is supposed to take place on Saturday. I again lied to her but telling her a wrong number.
After that I completed 75 percent of 2nd assignment of DE. Will complete the remaining once I reach home.
Played Pokemon and regretted it badly. Decided to make some new decisions so that I won’t repeat these kind of stuffs again.
Decision
Social Media and gaming times
Weekdays - 8.30 to 9 .00 PM
Weekends
9.30 - 10.30 AM
1 - 2 PM
4.30 - 5.30 PM
9.30 - 10.30 PM
Starting workout from tomorrow onwards and all my disciplined lifestyle and my academics.
Conclusion
All the lies that I am telling to cover a single truth is depressing like anything. My current strategy is to be disciplined academically, physically , mentally , emotionally and spiritually. Once everything becomes favourable , to be exact when I get a good marks for S4 , I will tell the exact truth regarding the results of S3 and my first internal examination of S4.
Hope everything gets better.
Always thank God for everything
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Bro you were consistent with studies then why so? You can ask me if you need any advice regarding this matter but I’ll need details about why even after studying well this happened.
Dude this is unacceptable, don’t ever lie bro.
Go and tell your mom the truth right now, and tell her that you didn’t tell her the truth first time because you were scared of punishment, after you get a good spanking from parents you’ll automatically become serious.
If you don’t do this right now you will have to live under stress until next exams and what if you don’t get good marks again? You’ll lie again? No no, wth. Don’t take this path, go and confess and be serious next time that’s it.
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