Here I’ll write about my ongoing nofap journey.
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My current streak on nofap is 32 days and I’m 37 days p*** free. The journey starred to get challenging, i have to be mindful about my actions and thoughts, it’s gonna be a long journey, but it will be worth it.
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One day later and my streak is now 0 days. That’s sad, that’s shameful, but I refuse to continue to be an addict, so let’s start over.
Day 0/7. I put an easier goal this time. Now I’m gonna go out to work out. I already meditated today, although my mind wandered during the meditation. I also wrote a few things on my master’s dissertation. That’s it.
Day 1/7. Today I had small urges, so it wasn’t tough to resist it. I have to read a lot over papers for my dissertation but I’m feeling overwhelmed, it’s too much information, but I’ll have to find a way to deal with this. I’m going out to work out in a little while, it’s good for the body and mind
After 2 days I relapsed. I’ve watched a Dr. K video talking about not stopping ■■■■ cold turkey so I gave in because I was having urges. But know this strategy doesn’t seem to be good. I just don’t know how I would control my ■■■■ usage, I still think I should stop PMO cold turkey but it’s so hard, I need to think about it for a while before I continue on this journey.
The deadline to finish my master’s dissertation is approaching and I don’t want PMO to get in the way but it’s coping mechanism and I know I’ll be anxious I’m the coming days. I just wanted there was an easy way out, but there isn’t. I know must face the hardships but I’m so weak damn it.
I need to watch/read things about ■■■■ addiction, it helps me to have more willpower when I’m in the beginning of nofap after a relapse, of course willpower alone won’t be enough but it’s good to have a strong determination to quit an addition. My main goal now is to reach 1 week of nofap. It’s a small goal but I should focus on achievable goals.
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I’ll start reading YBOP again, i read a little bit of the book a few years ago and I found it interesting, now I’ll read the whole book.
Day 3/7. Today I did productive things such as working out, writing things on my dissertation and cycling, now I’ll have to send a few calculations to my master’s advisor and I’ll read something about ■■■■ addiction before going to bed.
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I relapsed three times today, what a f**ing addicted I am. My resolve is too weak lately and I still haven’t started to read the books about ■■■■ addiction, this month started very bad for me, but this doesn’t mean that the rest of the month has to be bad. I’ll pass the one-week barrier, I just need to have more determination and discipline, I don’t want to continue like that.
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Day 1/7. Today I’ll start to read a book called easy peasy way to quit ■■■■, I hope it helps me. I’ll read YBOP afterwards.
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Day 2/7. I did meditation and I’ll go out for a jog and workout in a little while. Today I did lots of calculations for my dissertation and I read the easy peasy book, I started this book yesterday and It has cool insights but I still think it’s too good to be true because the book states that quitting ■■■■ is easy and will be fun, I really doubt it, but I’ll read the whole book to draw better conclusions. Anyway, the deadline to finish my dissertation is approaching and I have to be good mentally, it’ll be tough but I know I’ll handle it.
Sexual thoughts popped on my mind several times today but I didn’t engage with them, but is really annoying to have sexual thoughts all the time, but there’s nothing I can do about it except resisting it.
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Day 03 (actually day 3 was yesterday). I was feeling temptations to fap but I’ve decided to enter in this app and after reading a few comments from fellows who are also struggling with this addiction, the temptations subsided, but they’ll come for sure, I need to strengthen my mind. I know the reason of today’s temptations: anxiety. I drank too much coffee and the anxiety kicked in. I need to write things on my dissertation today, but I need to take it easy, otherwise I’ll feel more anxious.
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Day 4/7 well…actually it’s the same day as the previous post. After my last comment I worked out and jogged 4km. I try to jog every other day, but I went two weeks without jogging because I had Injured my ankle during a jog but now my ankle is better.
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I think I’m about to relapse, I need to think about what to do
Holy shit I’m the master of relapses
My mind is just melted, and I need to finish my thesis (I thought the correct word was dissertation but it’s thesis because I’m finishing my master’s degree, not the PhD yet) soon, I’ll have to figure out a way to finish because my brain is very damaged.
Unfortunately so far this journal has been serving for people to look at my situation and try to do the opposite of what I’m been doing (relapsing over and over again). I hope it’ll serve for a different purpose in the future.
Day 1/7. The book easy peasy way to quit ■■■■ has given me some good insights, a lot of things i already knew but there are some things in the book that has given me other ways to look at ■■■■ addiction. I’ll no longer watch ■■■■, it just doesn’t make sense. If i feel anxious and i watch ■■■■, I’ll still be anxious afterwards and regret it. ■■■■ just doesn’t help me with anything, it just make things worse, it is just an illusion to think that ■■■■ aides me in any way. I made the decision to stop watching ■■■■ many times before, but back then i had the illusion that ■■■■ helped me with anxiety, but this shit is the CAUSE of a large part of my anxiety. I can’t keep drinking this poison anymore.
Day 3/7. I forgot to write yesterday. I had urges but I didn’t give in. Know I’m gonna eat something and study afterwards.
I’m feeling urges now, i hate this addiction.
I’ll have to wake up really early tomorrow because I’ll have an online meeting with my master’s advisor. I should write some things down to remind myself of what i need to say tomorrow but my mind is just exhausted.