Why do we have this addiction?

Any opinions on why we have this addiction to pmo? Of course we’re addicted to the dopamine release but according to alot of online articles we’re doing it to fill some kind of emptiness in our lives (such as loneliness).

Interested to hear you people’s opinions.


Reasons: False beliefs around lack, insecurity, unworthiness, learnt helplessness. Leading to adopting of a victim mindset, lack of generosity, excessive focus on oneself, and fear of missing out.

The void or emptiness is there in everyone, and it only gets filled by engaging with the world productively at some level, whether it’s through relationships, social contributions, job, or any other means. Even refining yourself spiritually is an act of being of service to the world.

Unfortunately some of us have been dealt a tough hand and have not learnt the ways of how to engage productivity with the world, resulting a painfully acute experience of emptiness that can push us towards addictions. The solution is to be understanding and loving towards oneself, and then do the hard work of learning to engage productively with word. The hard work may seem unfair, but it is our challenge, and it has to be met by us.


I relate to this. The emptiness/loneliness that drives us into our addictions; that makes pornography so appealing.
If we were full in our lives ; full of love, having a sense of belonging and purpose, motivated and busy but most of all not feeling fundamentally alone but happy within community, friendships and a loving relationship then perhaps porn would not call so strongly
For myself I find that I sometimes just do it because I can as a childish act of rebellion but what started it all was probably boredom and desperate loneliness.
So let’s get busy, find our purpose, help people and live in community avoiding all triggers of course.
This could be the path to true freedom


I have a therapist whose theory is that these things are due to unmet emotional needs during childhood for which we developed bad coping strategies (such as using porn when lonely). The solution is to try to go back to the underlying emotional need, recognise it for what it is and then develop healthier strategies for coping with it. How? No idea, that’s why I’m in therapy :wink:


@wanttobreakfree The “how” is to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, no matter how oppressive or unending it may feel. And to be ready for a committed effort to keep doing that repeatedly, for a time that is going to be long but worthwhile. That’s really the crux of it.


That’s certainly what I’ve heard from a few different sources. To someone who is new to the idea, the concept of “allowing” feelings can seem strange, when one doesn’t really have a choice in what one feels. I think it’s about not fighting against the feelings, but this can be tricky, especially if your feelings are driving you towards porn. Allowing the feelings without acting on them, that’s the tricky balancing act we need to achieve.


You are lucky. I wish i have a professional i can talk to, everything you just said is through in my case

Hi @chukwudubem, welcome to the forum! I am extremely lucky to have access to professional help, and it’s a subject of much heartache to me to know that there are so many people suffering with this around the world who have no professional support available. I don’t quite know why therapy works, because they don’t necessarily tell you anything that you shouldn’t be able to figure out for yourself, but there’s something incredibly powerful about having someone else giving you the answers. If ever you can see a professional, please don’t hesitate. They are worth their weight in gold.

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Maybe growing up religious family plays a part in it because they have a complicated relationship with sex. A lot of evangelicals have a porn addiction.