What life teaches to Duran

Hello brothers,

I decided to create this topic to bring my posts into the forum. Life blessed me with valuable lessons lately and I started sharing them as post. If I can learn from them, I hope it can bring value to others too. I think it would fit better under the stories than into diary topics, but if any admin thinks otherwise, I don’t mind moving it. Also I think others might have related experiences from life or an opinion about my post, don’t hold back, feel free to share too.


Bad days and self esteem

I experienced a few bad days this week. I woke up tired one day and had this bad mood already at the morning. I closed myself up, buried myself into music, behind my headphones. I tried to separate myself from everyone and everything. There is someone who I care for and adore a lot. Yes it’s a woman and no we have no romantic relationship in any way. We are friends as much as oppisite genders can be. On that day, we had a short conversation, no argument just few sentences. I was quite closed to her as well. On that they she didn’t talked to me. Avoided me when she had her lunch. We always used to eat together. So I felt betrayed and I had anger in me. The next day I was out of office. Had some uni stuff to do. The third day morning, I still had bad mood and was annoyed. But I tried to reach out to her, but it turned out bad and we had an argument. Didn’t talked for a few hours. I wanted to make peace but I felt betrayed and was still angry. I found others to talk to and drink my coffee with others which I used to drink with her. She did the same. But later I found a small chocolate on my desk. It was from her. I thought that it was a sign that she want to make peace as well, so I went to her to try to talk again. We had a little argument again but it was more honest then the previous one and made me realise something I was wrong the whole time. My thought on the whole thing was that we are not as good friends as I thought and if I have a bad day, she is simply avoiding me because she don’t want to care about me at all. But then as she told me her side I realised that she was hurt by me because I was closed, hidden behind my headphones and she thought and felt like I didn’t trust her to open up my feelings and bad mood for her. She got mad because I handled her the same way as I handled everyone else. She thought we have better relationship than this. It hurt me because I had so low self esteem, that I wasn’t able to think that she my want to care, I just made it impossible. We made peace and I learned a very valuable lesson, that there is care and love out there for me too. There is for you as well! I never want to pity myself this much ever again. You shouldn’t too.


Conclusion of the Easy Peasy method after weeks of reading it

So I thought I will share my experience with the easy peasy method once again. A few weeks have passed and I was going with my NoPMO let’s say easily. 43 days on my counter for those who wish to count. It doesn’t mean much to me for a while now. It was also part of the method but it’s not what I wanted to write about. If you want to know what the book says about counting, read it.
What I want to clear up is what has become clear to me as the time passed on. I read a few comments on the method, mostly positive. Glad for that. But I wanted to make it clear that the Easy peasy method and book is not some magic trick or unknown wisdom that will immediately transform your mind or way of thinking. If you expect magic, you won’t get it. But what you get from it is fantastic.
So what does the EasyPeasy method gives you, what does it do to you? My taking from reading the book is this:
It simply opens a door in your way of thinking that was closed long ago, due to your addiction to porn. It opens this door and this is not a one way door but a two way one. You can go out into life through it, and life can come in through it in different ways. You will have a new perception that will teach you new things in life. Things that used to leave you with negative feelings, won’t remain like that. You start to have a realisation that, that is never the end of them. In some cases, you will find out that your negative perception was the one that made you think that those are negative results while they are not at all even if they are not in your favor for first. Other cases will simly fall to be a misunderstanding. Finally in some cases you will find that yes, there is a negative thing at the end, but you will have the living hope in you that it is not final and can be changed.

For these 3 cases my examples from personal experience:

First, when I thought something negative but it wasn’t true: I had bad mood, which led me to think that my friend in work simply abandoned me because of my mood, so I thought she doesn’t think of me as a friend. I was wrong. It turned out she was angry because in my bad mood I closed myself to her as well, just like to others. While she expected me to be more honest and open with her. This was an awesome experience. I learned that there is friendship and care iut there even for me. I just have to be open for it. Porn made me think I can’t be loved anymore. One of the greatest lies of porn we sometimes didn’t even realise.

Secondly, I had to make a decision. I had a project in work which costs the company a few thousand euros. We were done with a part of it successfully, but another part failed for the second time. I had to choose to send it to verification this way or redo the failed part for the 3rd time. I expected my boss to be mad due to the extra cost it generates. At the end I decided to be honest and face the consequences. He was not mad at all. He trusted my decision immediately and let us redo the test production as I wished. Sometime our expectation is bad, because the negative filter we had on our mind due to porn, but surprisingly, honesty is still the better option, even if there would be consequences.

Third is simple. I’m fat.109kg to be precise. I still have more than 25kg extra on me. So the truth, which is quite negative is that I am fat. Can this be changed? Heck yes it can be. When I started, I was 127kg. I know that on the summer of 2022, I will be in my best shape since high school and I will be satisfied with my body. Till then I know I’m fat, but this won’t control me, I will control myself against it.

I hope this was helpful, go strong brothers and sisters and let’s meet on the other side of that door, out there in the life we all seek.
Peace to you all!


The trap of low self esteem due to pmo

I think most of us here realised how our self-image and self-esteem is influenced by pmo. We are so often quick to think about ourself as looser, pitiful, unwanted, unloved. And in too many cases, these thoughts and feelings are responsible for our fails again and again. I know, since I went throught on this myself many times.
But yesterday and today I learned a lesson about this, and about myself.
My current streak is 48 days and at the beginning of it I read the easypeasy method. Still think it’s not magic, but it opens your mind for new ways to experience and react to life.

This is the lesson I received and want to share to benefit others:
I really overdid my diet and exercises this week for some reason and because of this I was tired and more than average irritable. But I managed it without conflicts this time. Yet yesterday as the day went by I was getting angry more and more. At the same time I was clueless why. I felt left out by my friends, for no reason. I felt cheated for no reason. I felt like everyone dislikes me and is against me, for no single real reason. When I got home I already listened to music that also fed my mood but I had no answers for what is the real reason for my anger. I even prayed. I tried to meditate and exemine my anger. I was looking for the reasons. I came up with questions for everything that came to my mind as possible reasons. But the answer was always, NO, this is not a real reason. I had a hard time to go to sleep. I didn’t had a good sleep but today I decided I will try to face everything I can in a different way. I starded conversations in ways I never did with my friends. I asked about things I felt I’ve been left out. I pushed myself into new situations. I also didn’t listened to music with headphones, so to always remain open to my surroundings. Honestly, this was hard. I had to force myself through it. But it worth more than I expected. My still lingering anger disappeared after the first conversation. I learned new things. I got useful advices. I was not a single time rejected as I expected. When I got home I thought about this 2 days and realised that the only thing that made a difference was how I handled my self-esteem. Yesterday I listened to it and let it drive my thoughts. Today I forced myself against it and it became clear how big of a lie my self-esteem is. The difference between these 2 days is like night and day. I will be very cautious about my self-esteem and I want to learn how to rebuild it into real and honest.
Sorry for being too long. I hope my story can help you as well! All of you, have a nice weekend!


Open yourself up

I find myself fighting with my old self day by day in ways I never expected. I face things that used to annoy me, and make me a total shut in, lonely, sad guy. I can’t realy explain. The only thing I do differently is that I simply don’t settle with results, and solutions that I used to. When I feel left out, and start getting annoyed, I don’t let it eat me up, and make me hide behind listening music or bad mood with attitude. I don’t let the anger take over completely. I experience the anger every time, but I do something new against it, and it disappears sooner and sooner. What amazes me is that each time when I try just to be a little bit more open to new ways in communication and relations, and don’t follow the paths I used to walk, any problem, annoyance is getting solved in a way more positive way than ever. I started to have stronger and better work, friend relations. I feel like I’m on a really good way and whatever lies ahead, I will be able to learn how to handle it. I’m on a 53 days streak at the moment. I have joy now. I have hope.

Please guys, if your mood, your fellings is against you and tries to shut you in, don’t let it. You are you, and your feelings and mood can be in your control. They appear for reasons, but can be removed for other reasons. You can find the way to feel better. You can find the right reasons for a better mood and a better life. Pursuit them!


The jealousy of a corrupted self esteem

In my previous post, I’ve written about my problems with my self esteem and how life(or God) gave me lessons to realize it and learn to change it. This time, there was no special lesson, experience, but slow learning through small practices about it on this week. I was out from work for delegacy on Monday and the next day I found that 2 friend of mine got into a fight on that day. This influenced our whole week. They don’t really talked ever since but we used to spend time together so it was hard for me, because I didn’t wanted to choose side. I think both of them are partly right and partly wrong and also both are stubborn. Somehow I managed to remain neutral and was able to have good conversations with both of them separately. However this forced me into a position I’ve never been. I was an outsider on their issue, but at the same time they both let me a little closer to themselfs too. They put a little bit more trust in me. Neither of them did it to win me over. They needed someone to lean on for a little. It made me think about relations. How trust can change and how jealousy is the opposite of it. I had to realize how jealous I was. When others planned a night out without me, I was jealous. I felt left out. It hurt me. But now I know, it was my corrupted self esteem that hurt me, lied to me. They wasn’t the one who left me out. I never let them build trust with me, due to my lack of self esteem. Because I felt unworthy, 'cos I felt that they sure don’t like me, don’t want me around. While the simple truth was that I never let them close enough to build connection, to gain trust. In the past week I started to feel how jealousy getting replaced with confidence and trust. People tend to let me closer now. I feel how they can be comfortable around me as well. For the first time in years or maybe a decade, I feel like I finally found a solid ground to stand on emotionally.
This also made me think about our community. In many times we can read that one of the positive effect of nofap is that others will act more positively towards you. I think it’s not entirely right. During nofap, the corruption in your self esteem will suffer a blow. As you leave pmo behind, your shame will be reduced and your confidence gets a little bit boosted. This effects how you percieve your surrounding, the people around you. You feel less ashamed, so you feel that others also don’t look down on you as before. They didn’t changed a single bit. Your mind, your thoughts are the only thing that changed. Now if you go on, your attitude will also going change towards yourself and with others. This can bring even more positivity in your life. This is a beautiful road to start on and it is almost entirely up to me or you. So pick up your pack, leave pmo behind and enjoy the change.


Change is made

Change isn’t something that just happens. It is made. Made from willpower, effort, tenacity. Seasoned with suffer, pain, sweat and sometimes a few drop of blood. It can not be halfbaked, nor overcooked. When it is done, it’s done. But it is never finished. You make it and it makes you.
If you just wait for it to happen, you do only one thing and that is wasting your time.
If you suffer, just hold through. That is when the change builds you. Next day you’ll come out as new. A better self, a stronger you.


I can trick myself with change

I got another lesson from life this week. It took me days to realize and these days were not good. There is a strong heatwave in my area and I got tired, due to the lack of good sleep. I thought that this is the reason, but I was wrong. This was a part of it, it had it’s negative effect, but it wasn’t the main reason. I got to understand the real reason just a few hours ago.

If you are familiar with my previous posts you could tell, that I started to love change. I also enjoyed making it. What I didn’t realized, that the more I liked it, the less I did it. I was realy happy for the change I finally could experience in my life. I was overwhelmed by it’s beauty, it’s effects. All of it. I started only enjoying it, not making it further, making it more. This kicked back on me in the past week. My old shameful habits tried to come back. Tried to take over again. My old feelings of self pity, shame, sick part of self esteem and jealusy came back. Started to influence my thoughts again. My faith got tested and I feel weakened.

I probably was close to my final moment to get myself together before a huge fail, because I started to feel urges yesterday. I didn’t felt urges for weeks. Thoughts appeared like “want to watch porn”, “Want to feel satisfaction”.

I feel, I know that I was close to fail completely once again. But thank God, the realisation came to me and saved me.

So what I learned is that even if change is there in my life and results are good and enjoyable, I shouldn’t loose my attitude on keep making the change, because as soon as I stop, old bad things I left behind will try to find their way back. This also prooves me what I thought about people who doesn’t want change. If you don’t change, it doesn’t mean you remain in your achieved position and level. Previous changes going to deteriorate and the person will fall behind. So never turn away from change and never focus too much on it’s results. Be humble with it.


Humility for humanity

We need to accept to be one of many, to be able to become the one from any.

I’m learning to let go of others oppinion. There are cases when someone is important for us and that makes us expect to be important for them as well. We, I tend to expect the same back. This is a mistake. I can’t make people think of me as I wish. It is not just selfish, it is also a problem of low self esteem. Because my ego needs them, my self esteem thinks it needs them. But freedom doesn’t work this way.

I have the freedom to think however I want. Just like everyone else. Each individual has this freedom. So making up expectations is stupid. I should expect nothing.

I just realized that this is a beautiful way actually, because if I learn to expect nothing, than anytime I get something, I can experience gratefulness. Expectations take away our opportunity for gratitude. We should get rid of expectations and just enjoy our true self. So when life brings someone close to us, we can enjoy honest gratitude as well for it.
This is something hard to reach, but I guess it worths it.

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