I know many men in here have the same reason to do NoFap as me, and that is girls. Whether you want to attract them more or have a better relationship with your loved one, we all share the same fight. I am writing here to share what I have learned in these six months since I have started NoFap.
As for myself, I started NoFap partly because I wanted a gf so bad. I thoughback then that I wqs worthy only if girls liked me, and having a gf was the supreme mark of acceptance. But my view has greatly changed over time.
As my self-esteem improved thanks to NoFap, I started questioning myself: were my values really the right ones? I realise today that my base value, the one that determined every action I made, was getting approval from other people, and especially girls. Being appreciated was my ultimate goal.
As time went by, I started feeling unhappy. First, I was confused, because NoFap was meant to bring me happiness, according to all these success stories. And then, one evening, I experienced something great. I suddenly felt like I was taking control over my body. My eyesight suddenly improved, my brain was thinking a million thoughts at the same time and a massive flow of energy entered me. Some friends told me that I had broken the «wall of masturbation» that restricts you in self-control.
Now you may be wondering why I am talking about this in that topic. The thing is, all my ideas about girls started changing from that point.
You probably all know that when one is deeply addicted to porn, he may see women as godesses, unattainable things that you dont even deserve to look at. Well this idea did not fit me anymore, I felt like I deserved women, that I was good enough for them. This was the first step to recovery.
However, I still had one idea that ruined all my chances with girls. Sure, from that day on, girls seemed to notice me more and I even became familiar with one of them, which seemed impossible a few months before. But I wanted more than friendship, and the fact that girls seemed to notice me but not go further enraged me. I was not satisfied.
It took me a long time to understand that I was just ridiculous and that my huge desire for a gf was actually the only thing that prevented me from having one. Happily, I came over two GREAT books : «No more mr. Nice Guy» and «the subtle art of bot giving a fuck» that deeply changed my understanding of life. I understood that to get a gf, I actually had to stop desiring girls. I had to stop seeing them as an objective, I had to simply renounce having a gf. Because the only thing desire brought me all this time was that I seemed desperate for girls, which kept them away from me.
This is perhaps the most important thing to know for all of us who have started because of the lack of gf and satisfying sexual life. The only thing we have to do is give up trying so hard to please women and look good. Even if you succeed infinding a girl like this, you will stay unhappy. Because she does not like YOU, she only likes the «better» you that you have created to attract her. Believe me, girls prefer true men than wimps who take excessive care of themselves to feel valuable to girls.
So stop trying SO hard to please women and take action by yourself. After all, you are the most important person for yourself. Why should you give a fuck about girls? Because of sex? No, you have already given up that in NoFap. Because of the happiness it will bring you? No, it will bring you as much sadness as happiness and there are plenty other ways to make yourself happy, which are easier. So just admit that your values are now outdated, you have to change them. Just be yourself. Dont give a fuck about pleasing girls or anyone else. Of course, dont become an asshole, but behave as if whatever you did, people still liked you. And then, when you will have achieved that stage of thinking, girls will flow towards you. Simply because they prefer men that live and stand up for themselves, rather than others.
I hope that this LONG text will have helped you, whoever you are. If you do not agree with me, please tell me your opinion, I always find other’s views very interesting. Feel free to ask any questions, just be sure to tag my username.
I really recommend that you read these two books I have talked about, they are really life-changing. You can get the ebooks on internet for free.
I wish you all the best of luck
Nofap hard mode is realy making you a genious. I can clearly see that.
Hold on to it and become one with yourself. Girls will come in your life… you dont have to run after them.
I am not the genius, I just learned most of this frome these books and self-experience. Anyone can do so. I am only a new guy in here. Still got much to learn I believe.
I read the book “no more mr nice guy” good read written by a psychologist. Talks many thing about childhood and parent child relationships that effect the chilf. Good read.
Onto your post I agree with most part except one part. I cant fake myself to not desire girls. If someone genuinly dont want girls that might work. But I subconsciously cant fake myself to think I dont want girls to get girls. I have come to terms with my desires. if that hampers my desires being unfulfilled so be it.
Great lesson bro, ty for sharing.
I’ll follow your advice.
You dont have to NOT want girls. All you need is ro stop making girls your main objective and let them come to you. You have to be the one who sets the rules, not the one who applies them or respects them.This is what girls truly want (in my opinion at least).
I really liked this first time reading a long paragraph, and it was worth it. Thank you for opening my eye on the reality of girls and us improving our already perfect self just so we can obtain a limited or even a fake relation. Again thank you for the info i will read no more mr nice guy soon.
Thanks there’s some real wisdom in that. I think neediness is a real turn off for girls guess it means projecting insecurity which is weakness rather than strength (sense of self, self confidence). Projecting natural confidence can come I believe with the self control that no fap develops, with the clear head and focus that no fap develops. This journey is crucial for all of us who want fulfilling lives. Who ever heard of a successful and happy drug addict, alcoholic, gambler? All addictions are bad period.(full stop)
Pmo addiction is no different. We are a generation of addicts and mass media has done this to us but we are also responsible for doing this to ourselves.
Gonna try read those books thanks Pierretomas
Your remark about alcoholics and other addicted people is very wise… You are actually very right. But I have been wondering lately, isn’t this whole quest for wisdom putting us further away from truth? Aren’t we overthinking when we should just focus on the simple and basic, without backthoughts? Whatever, I now believe that good life is achieved when you just are yourself and stand up for yourself and your values, whatever they may be.
Good luck brothers
I think when you want girls you have to be open about your desires for them. Some girls will be like errrr. But those are the girls that have recently fapped or got fucked and are drained of the feminine energy and therefore are not attracted to the masculine energy that has built up inside you because theyve had enough of it. You want the girls that when you hint to them that you want them, they blush and giggle and their eyes start twinkling (lol you know what i mean). Those girls are fertile and in need of the D.
bro 1 question here?
Yes what is it about?
do you feel urge by watching girl wearing shorts?
i was watching pranks and i feel bad bcz girlz were wearing shorts
Yes of course, it arouses many people, including me. That’s why it idwill crucial not only to ban porn, but also soft porn. That way only you can start seeing women as individuals, not objects, and this type of thing will be less triggering. If you have trouble for the moment, just avoid watching girls you find attractive and when forced to do so, only watch theor face and focus on what they say. Meditation also would be good as it helps you control your body and mind.
I wish you all the best and merry Christmas
I am on 11 days of hardmode but still I am feeling social anxiety and my communication is worst. What to do.
Sadly Resurgent has been banned of this forum. But you can come to the NoFap April group, we are already a few and will be glad to help you as much as we can!
Good luck mate,