Want to Stop this to Stop Relapses. Pls advise

i have a bad habit of checking my ex girlfriend on social media to check as what is she up to, how’s her life going on…i was in extremely and torturous relationship with her, she destroyed me mentally, emotionally which impacted my health as well…she blackmailed me till the time i was in relationship with her, threatened me and used me like a puppet with no respect and value… always mistreated me like a garbage… eventually i took my stand after 4 years and broke up with her and told her she can do whatever she wants but I can’t tolerate any more torture to my psyche… then just to take revenge, she did smear campaign about myself to all my relatives, family and friends with all my life secrets and moments that i shared with her…she fulfilled her promise that if i ever broke up with her then she will defame me, destroy my reputation and name and she did that but the best thing is after doing all these she walked away happily, freely and with no harm to her character, name,fame anything.
At times i feel God didn’t do Justice with me, it’s been more than year i am out of that relationship but at times i do visit her Facebook and Instagram profile to check how is she doing and if God has done any justice to me, while checking her i feel frustrated and hate myself as why am i even checking her on social media, and then my mental state becomes disturbed and agitated and i end up relapsing to take out my stress and for pleasure…pls save me brothers, pls advise what to do…I know that having a mindset of revenge or justice or jealousy or checking ex gf or stalking her on social media is no good at all but unable to do it, my will power has become weak… I want to be a free man not just physically but emotionally and mentally too, want to focus on my life rather than expecting any justice from God for her behaviour towards me which has impacted me so badly…i want to stop this to stop my relapses.

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Honestly I am feeling very sad :pleading_face: hearing your emotional lifestory… How could a person be so unkind and rude to her loved ones??

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I seriously don’t know @mahmudulhasan brother…May be God sent that Narcissist lady in my life who was 8 years elder to me to teach me something some lesson… though am free now from that torturous relationship but at times the memories and the experiences that i had with her still haunts me and gives me chills and nightmares…may be these are post traumatic stress disorder PTSD that am suffering from her experiences in my life…it might take some more time for me to recover but seriously bro, the first thing i want to stop is making peace with the memories of experiences that i had with her in my mind, forgive her and try to move on from any kind of feelings of injustice or revenge from her by God…i must stop checking her life on social media, that’s the biggest challenge to stop checking her on social media…else my wounds may take very long time to heal…i really want to live my life with integrity and discipline, self respect will be built gradually but the first and most important step is to stop checking her but i don’t know how to do it or stop myself.

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Brother, porn will never decrease your frustration, mental pressure rather it will increase it.
And you can not give up like that. You don’t deserve punishment, then why are u punishing yourself by doing this shit. You have the rest of you life.
Everybody deserves to lead a happy, peaceful life. You too. Forget your past though it is so tough for you… Because you can not change it. But you can change your future. So you should not do anything that will make you repent after some years, rather we should do something that can make us proud of ourselves. Brother.
I can not imagine how u survived those days, that blackmail. I have no idea. You are such a strong person.

You said you have low willpower. Actually willpower, confidence do not descend from the sky or no one comes to this world with willpower and confidence. It is generated by your own deeds. Like Currently you are thinking that you do not have willpower. It s because of you r using porn Against your will. I mean u know it is bad, u should avoid it but u still ignoring all your alarms in your brain and watching porn. That is causing u suffer from less willpower.
It is not that you have less willpower and so you watch porn.
The truth is you watch porn and thats why you have less willpower.
I have learnt that from my own jourey.
Be your friend. Not enemy.
Listen brother no one in this world does self -harm so why should we??
So how can u gain willpower???
You can gain it by doing the things that you truely want. Like now u want to get rid of porn. do it, fight against your urges, ignore urges, or somehow distract yourself by doing anything else, stay sometime without phone, but do not relapse. Do not watch porn. And after sometime when you are in your normal jone i mean when your urges go away you will feel awful, you will feel the glory of win, . And my brother repeat this and bit by bit your willpower will return. And this time you can confidently say to your urges that i have beaten you last time, and now i am gonna beat you again.

My advice, you should not fight emotionally. Fight technically. Everyone knows how to quit porn, what should we do, and what should we avoid but still can not quit because they fight emotionally. They just get motivation but do not apply those in their life. Motivation doesn’t last longer.
This is not that complicated, first of all you have to find those that trigger you, and take step against those, change your lifestyle ,. Think for a minute that what you have changed in your life to quit porn. You have to change your lifestyle.

In a word you have to take visible steps. Firstly it will be a litrle harder but after some days it will be very easy for you my friend. Trust me.
Stay clean. Live in peace. May Allah bless you.

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I completely agree with you bro, porn is the killer of will power and the more we refrain from it, the more will power we develop…i really need to work on myself and build a self improvement lifestyle rather killing myself with this bad habit of pmo…stress will go eventually once self love and self respect is developed through consistent effort towards improvement…
Thanks for your encouraging words bro @mahmudulhasan it really matters alot…you are blessing in this journey of self improvement and fighting with pmo technically and not emotionally…i agree with you and will surely follow these beautiful practices of self improvement… thanks once again and May Allah bless you too bro…Amen. God bless and Take care bro :+1::+1:

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Obviously she was filling a need for you to begin with. What was that need and how can you find a healthy way to get it filled.
Its always true that the bigger the challenge you face the bigger person you will become from that challenge. So I expect to see big things from you in the future :smile:

When you visit her social media what were you thinking in the prior days to that what was going on.

Its not an event rather a process that you went through to visit her page (I’m assuming you visted infrequently only when you have a need).

Oh, good for you for breaking up with her!

Sometimes God wants to teach us something to humble us and to teach a lesson.

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You wonder why you keep checking again ?
Well because you were attached to her for so long, you still emotionally involved, as simple as that.
You will never move on if you keep doing that.
My advice, work on yourself more, make daily goals and do them, and stop checking social media. Learn to put the phone down and control your impulses like checking the phone right when you wake up. Don’t do it, get up of your bed and be productive.
Start working out, you need to take out the garbage out of your daily life and replace it with good activities.
And waiting for god to give you justice? Well it doesn’t work like that, you need to work on yourself and that’s the best revenge, and don’t do it because it’s a revenge but because you want to be better. And that’s it.
don’t do the same mistakes everyday and expect a different results ! Things won’t change like that, you need to lift your chin up and get to work.
I want you to know that what happened to you is not because you’re a weak person, but because you’re a good genuine person. So your good quality is always there and you’re not the problem. They are… and these people are stinky garbage that needs to be throw away of your life
One more thing, you have to understand that these people who hurt other people, they hate themselves more than you believe, they just don’t show it. No normal human will go around hurting other people just like that…
As i said before, you need to make action and don’t expect your life to fix itself. Start making daily goals as simple as cleaning your bed and rearrange your room. Working out… And so on… read a book.
Your brain will be busy with the good productive stuff.

I recommend you watch youtube channels like :
hamza and icecold jt they’ll help you.

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Capital G!
20 chars*

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Thanks a lot @Abraham28 and @anasana11 for your encouraging and enlightening message.
Completely agree with you.
Time to focus on self improvement rather keeping ourselves stuck on social media to check other’s life.
God wants us to focus on ourselves rather than focusing on taking revenge.
Journey would have been difficult without your support brothers.
Thanks once again…God bless.
@a_lone_warrior05 agree with you… it’s always G in God :pray::pray:

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Thank you mate for understanding me and don’t worry about man God will give your better life ameen

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Np friend, one more thing. When anyone is trying to change his routine and be productive we always begin this change perfectly because we feel motivated, but after few days we start to feel down and unmotivated.
And that’s completely normal. This is the most critical moment for the change you’re making, all you need to do is keep doing what you do no matter how bad you feel, fight & fight non-stop. Never back down brother until your brain and life will be rewired. the results are really worth the pain.
It’s okay to feel sad, down, unmotivated. So just relax, breath and keep moving forward while piercing through the hardship!
you can Dm me if you have any questions.
Good luck king.

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Thanks once again @anasana11 bro for so motivating words… that’s what it really matters to keep piercing forward as the motivation can go down but action will keep the ball rolling.
Will surely work hard to improve myself, will start facing fears upfrontly to eradicate memory fear that i developed in last 4 years of relationship with my ex gf. I always tried not to rock the boat so i took all blames on myself just to ensure there is no fight because the moment we got into fight, i immediately lose the battle because of her threatening and blackmail that she will defame me, spoil my name among my friends, relatives, coworkers etc. which she already did that when i took my stand not to tolerate anymore and broke with her, so i don’t know what’s point in being fearful or worried now but may be it has become my habit…So by always avoiding fights with her and taking everything on my shoulder i somehow developed low self esteem that it’s always my fault kind of and always stayed in fear, this developed memory fear and now i always stay fearful that people will judge me, they will point out my mistake, they will laugh at me…so i stay silent and hidden in social world, in office, among people…but how far can i stay like this…i really need to work on myself, work on qualities, work on courage, i really want to rebuild myself positively with a belief that am free now and there’s nothing to worry anymore…fears and worries should go away eventually, slowly but surely by God’s grace…i want to be happy for the rest of my life, i want to open up to connect with people instead of staying aloof and silent all the time, peopl take this as my rude behaviour but reality is am afraid and lack confidence in myself…may God and your best wishes and support help me to reclaim my happy life which my parents saw when i was a kid who lived with a belief that he can achieve whatever he wants in life :pray:

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I have an idea to beat the shit out from her but …
:sweat_smile::sweat_smile::sweat_smile: You might hesitate

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Pls share it bro…am sure it will be helpful

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She is threatning because you are fearing what if you show the definition of fear

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:smiley: and how do i that bro @a_lone_warrior05

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Sent you personally dude

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