[WalkWithoutFear] Pledge to Kill korn forever! 🌄

Diary
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Warriors don’t give up. :muscle::muscle::muscle::joy::joy::joy: You thought I relapsed ? Fuck you ■■■■. I’m not your slave :blush:

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:fire::muscle::sunrise_over_mountains: never give up. I will die with honor :fire::muscle::pray:

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Day 1 03/25/23
I woke up a little late today. However I felt a little down because of my social anxiety or because I was just tired. But yesterday’s exercise slowly moved me into action. For example, I didn’t want to go to the store without my mask, but I went anyways without mask and no sweater just shirt. I just kept saying “fuck it” “nobody is thinking about me " repeatedly saying to myself. In the action, I was focusing on my own energy rather than thinking what others might be thinking of me. I was thinking what Jordan Peterson said about the eye, The eye is the window to the soul. So look up, look at your enemy or the monster that scares you because if you don’t, then it will eat you and destroy you " look at the eye” “the eye needs to be mastered” “master your eye, master the world.” I kept saying this to myself, I guess it helped me. I brought a few smiles thinking about that nobody really cares or is focusing solely on me, so no need to worry, "everyone can’t be thinking of you."I kept saying which brought smiles to my face a little bit while grocery shopping, I was still serious and still hard to look at people directly but somehow I managed to attempt and feel good about myself because in the end everyone was just busy with their own life and not mine, so selfish to think they were haha. I felt confident walking around the store, and also now. I just master my own energy and focus on nothing else but to grow inner spiritualism. I learned from my recent relapse, that being in my phone for too long will cause relapse, not exercising, sleeping or waking incorrectly, not taking care of health will lead to relapse eventually.
Day 2
I was just getting myself busy. Did some errands, did some workout. I had no urges, I just felt numb. I guess semi depressed is the feeling like most days. But I really thought about my why, why I kept moving still. The things that keep me moving is this manager that taught me strength Fernando, family, struggle, pain, past friend loses that taught me to not be pushed around easily, loss of opportunities, my inner potential keeps me moving even if my will gives up. Fight against myself.
Day 3
I did some meditation but most of the time I was busy with taking care of tasks, errands, organizing finances, my room, my goals. So I kept myself busy for sure, although I slept late because I was talking to my online GF.
Day 4
I felt tired this day as I remember. When I woke up it was late. I am always with my headphones whenever I go down. I ate my breakfast but I felt tired so I want to sleep for a while. Still semi depressed ( did some class work history online class).
Day 5
This day my sister and her boyfriend were fighting and arguing, I went to visit with my mother. Missed a few hours of homework Time. I did some errands still for the remainder of the day. I think I bought a printer for $20, which was a good deal. I didn’t workout, I was listening to podcasts to motivate me since little asks that require outside activity was hard to do. I believe this day I also slept late because I did class assignment till 4 a.m.
Day 6
Today it was a good day. I had some urges but not crazy. I started getting more vivid dreams, I kept myself busy still, kept waking and sleeping late I guess too much phone time. Anyways, I did something. I also felt more powerful still today. I workout today, felt good but could do better.
Day 7
I did some more history class assignments before my job. I had flatine here, felt low of power, didn’t exercise, listened to hype music to motivate myself, no relapse. I felt good energy levels that came and went away, had another vivid dreams, I just couldn’t remember. Lol.
Day 8
I woke up late again. But I can feel myself more today. My anxiety, my anger, my emotions. I can tell I have somewhat more understanding of myself even without being aware of it. I had vivid dream that I can remember this time. I still had an enormous amount of numbness, my fears , anxiety, all of it in display, but I feared embracing it all. Letting go is a must. I listened to some motivational speeches, from rocky, etc
that pumps me up even though I woke up late. So I remember my why, I ended up doing some cardio before my job that starts around 7 p.m., I also took a nap before my cardio to recover energy. I used dating app to start training my mind not to resent woman, but rather get less sensitive with woman, this kind of gave me boners, but I just embraced the woman I was seeing without acting. Thinking that they are only human just like me. Rather than seeing them as objects, I saw them as people with wants, needs, personalities. I got more comfortable the more I was just in the moment of swiping right on the woman I found was more attractive to me with basis on profile, bio, age, and how feminine they are. No urges surprisingly, I did that in day time of course. In the night time that’s dangerous!!! And only once a week, no more. For now. !
Day 9
I woke up around 9 a.m. or 10. I ate the only meals that were available to consume , I forgot to buy groceries the other day so I went to the grocery store once I drank my banana and collagen drink. I visited my sister to give her my working lamp because she needed it for the dogs to warm themselves up. I worked 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. I felt some what tired but still there was this deep energy within me that I can’t explain. When I cashiered my energy was exploding and exposed, I can see the amount of energy I was holding back. But also it was somewhat of an angry feeling of myself, that I can do better type of attitude, don’t mind what others think of you, or what they say, just be and let go. I was surprised even after being tired, I mustered energy to lift my entire body and in a way, reawakened myself as if I was never tired. Myself my tiredness I had was mental, but that feeling meant in reality I had more power within. Maybe the tiredness I had was mental, the semi depressed feeling, but my masculine self lifted my spirit and understood I had more power inside myself, didn’t wanted to give up. So when I did errands, or cashier, I did it fast and with effort I never thought I had, I wanted more of that feeling and the high feeling.
Day 10
I woke up at 8:40 A.M. I still feel a little tired today but I didn’t let the alarm clock sound before it turns 9 a m. Lol. I ate good, smoothie protein and eggs and sausages with rice. Took about 30-45 minutes to eat and make My plans today is to finish important errands like:

  1. Do history class work :heavy_check_mark:
  2. Workout without headphones to reduce electronic use and cellphone addiction :heavy_check_mark:
  3. Sell items :x:
  4. Do some delivery if possible :x:
  5. Go to the library with laptop if possible :x:
  6. Sleep early and wake up early :x:
  7. Take care of errands that are not that important now. :heavy_check_mark:
    Journal of the days I have accomplished already. I can learn alot from my journey. Everyday we must strive to be better than ourselves and better than what we were yesterday. You vs. You. :muscle::fire::sunrise_over_mountains:
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Day 13 04/06/23
Today I feel more in control. I feel like I am changing slowly. Changing into something that I desire deep down to be. A warrior and passionate warrior. Never give up. I had urges yesterday but I am more in control now. As long as I have my goals and my destination and the path to get there and my moral obligation and the code of manhood and honor I shall not give up. I can fall but not stay down, you can cry but not stay cried. Regardless, never settle for cowardly behaviors and when you fall down fall too hard land on your feet atleast. Moral principles are to never give up and keep your honor as a man. Fellow brothers we are war within ourselves. Nobody else. :muscle::fire::sunrise_over_mountains::national_park:

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Day 15 still strong :sunglasses::muscle:

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Haha day 17 still strong. :joy::pray::muscle:

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Day 19
I woke up around 8:30 a.m. I was watching this kung fu movie last night so slept a little late. I got urges last night so I took a shower with cold water because it’s hot in here anyways. It helped me. Today I will workout and finish some errands I needed to finish. :blush::pray:

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Goodmorning.
Day 0 today. I unfortunately relapsed because of my increased phone use. So therefore I shall cut off my time I use my phone and also stick to my routine regardless of my wants otherwise it will be the same cycle. Routine and balance of phone use is essential to defeat NO PMO indefinitely.
To do:
1.wake up right time and sleep right time
2. Meditate
3. Reduce phone use
4. Balance workout and life balance :pray:

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I came back. I rose from the ashes of destruction. After constantly losing control of myself in fabbing and ■■■■ in the past week. I set myself a boundary to not use media anymore and I even cut off some primary Facebook that I would look at often, cut off dating apps but I still have what preference of woman im attracted to, I wrote goals and how much time I’m wasting everyday doing mediocre things and questioned to myself how long do you think you will be in this path if you keep this up? I then felt a surge of motivation yesterday and day 0 and just took care of errands and listened to sadhguru as well talk about life and our minds. It really got me to refelct and take action. Anyways, I finally did my project I wanted to take care of, posted some items for sell ,posted an ad on craigslist as a template of my current skills to see anyone would hire, I fixed the sink garbage disposal, I went outside to attempt to do door dash but there was no activity but I still accomplished going outside with my car even with my social anxiety, I worked out in day 0, moved some items from my phone to make more storage space, made a video of my own emotions in display and what I was holding back and just put it as a reminder for myself, I added a picture of my workout pose to my laptop also to motivate me and a pic of kenshiro to my phone haha. And yesterday I added a plan to drink smoothies or shakes in the morning with nothing else because it takes a long time to eat breakfast for me sometimes, I also reduced workout sessions in the week that way I have more study time or learning skills time but I have time I will workout intensely a day I’m free but it won’t be off and on days but more Mondays Tuesday Wednesdays only working out intensely and the rest of the week just light cardio or intensive if have time, Taking cold showers of course every so often.

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Day 2
I feel my mind more at ease after completing most of the tasks I said I was going to do even though for most people it might be simple but for me with social anxiety and a pro procrastinator it’s not as easy. So the fact I did it makes me feel good about myself and want to keep going in accomplishing I know what’s best for me.
Today:

  1. Finish homework
  2. If time do food delivery
  3. Check notifications on selling items, posts of job.
  4. Do some code work if possible.
    Note: i understand not all may get done today but I must be in the zone and accomplish must of these tasks and the ones above posts of those past relapses. :pray::muscle:Emmanuel.
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You’re breaking the chains of both addiction ans procrastination. Keep going brother. GOD bless.

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I relapsed but I only went soft this time. I didn’t watch much ■■■■ but masturbated. I managed to control myself that much and somehow felt different. So I went soft mode for a couple days and now I’m going back hard mode to beat my dopamine high of ■■■■ to recovery. I now understand my struggles and why I am thinking the way I am. I had to reflect on my thoughts and also take a break from No PMO and understand what do I want out of life and i found the answer. It’s just exploring and adventuring my own skills I already have and see where it leads, never being closed minded and being able to learn. I hope the more I am off of that new drug that I can operate clearly and start to get my normal energy, thinking back to stable.

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Day 0
I organized my financial goals and what I can do as an introvert socially anxious person. Surprisingly I also managed to fix my mom’s sink watching tutorial videos and felt a little pumped on learning how to fix it and also got started on my personal gadget project I guess that made me feel pumped knowing I did that and procrastinated to do that for over 2 and a half years imagine that!
I went to get A part missing on the sink a couple days ago and I felt so intimidated by all the big strong guys next to me but I resisted giving in to intimidation. I saw my manager at Lowe’s and I was not wearing a mask so he immediately knew me haha it was awkward but I just didn’t shy away otherwise it would be more awkward lol. I managed to write a list of things I can do, I also wrote yesterday what are my skills currently and my dream life, the type of woman im truly attracted to and understanding attraction is different for every guy and need to understand what I find attractive in a woman. I wrote how she would look like, hair, eyes, personality type, etc
 I even drew her out in paper haha I never did that but I felt like I was living out what I wanted and drew the type of house I wanted also. Maybe next time draw the car design I want which is harder to do, or how to bedroom would look like inside this dream house of mine with this supposed woman of my dream, it got me a little bit out of my own life knowing how small I felt compared to what I wanted and desired and made me feel out of body a little. It felt like a videogame or something, I think I discovered a mental exercise that can tap into the inner mind I guess by accident. I was intrigued. That mental exercise made me feel a little motivated since I was not feeling anxious or melancholy or sad but rather happy feelings that this is exactly what I want haha. Anyways now it’s time to eat a good breakfast and get my energy back from all this garbage. Coming back strong once again with new knowledge, vision, and courage :pray:

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Thanks brother. I know it’s a long journey but I’m bettering myself everyday somehow. :pray::muscle: As long as I have a vision of my life and my values and understanding of self better and God I can do this.

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Day 3
Calling no quits and all the ■■■■ addicts to uprise. With the scars we have we shall rise regardless how we get up we all have a story to tell. The outcome is the focus.
I was actually deleting the dating apps I had and updated some stuff from my life that are more important and learning that I am not a slave to needing woman and that I have more than the need of the P lol. Anyways I did some good workout today and feel fresh, I woke up late today because yesterday I searched how to be comfortable being a single man and not needing woman. Every day should be some progress even if small. :sunglasses::pray::muscle:

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That’s the only mindset you need to succeed,its true you don’t need no woman or p0rn while on your journey to freedom.You will find out so much about yourself without them in the time you have healing.
Keep learning and striving for greatness brother :yellow_heart:

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Day 5
Still hard mode. I was learning some social cues and what kinds of friends I need in my life. Also managed some budgets of my finances. So far I feel like I haven’t had a hard boner in a long time during the day or at work but I know it’s because I’m still recovering from that ■■■■ stuff. The good thing is also, which many may disagree, is that I went soft mode first before quitting masturbating because my Brain was already covered with so much of the content and when masturbating naturally you kind of normalize your brain and then once it’s been a few days of doing that you just stop all together. Which I did. Now I am day 5 fully hard mode. I actually feel more better with myself to some degree especially when listening to music and depression is getting less and less in my mind but I still have a long way. I will workout today for a bit,listen to some nice music, do some assignments, and if I finish properly my day with proactivity I will reward myself with an anime I’m watching which isn’t extreme and just an anime related to real life stuff.

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I relapsed a day or so ago because I started doubting myself and my ability due to my teacher kicking me out of the class. I know it’s stupid excuse but I feel sensitive whenever I lose my sense of purpose or the work I did was for nothing. I gained my confidence back because I no longer rely on woman for my happiness, I understand I procrastinated and that’s why I got kicked out, I just need to sharpen my discipline so that it’s unbreakable. I haven’t died yet right? It means there’s another fighting chance.
Don’t give up for mediocrity. Even after watching ■■■■ you can’t let it stop you from your journey. Keep your head up.

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Day 1
Yesterday I organized my finances and budget if I were to ever rent as well. Anyways today is a nice sunny day here, I will most likely:

  1. catch up on code work or some skill activity(go to library, no promises for that.)
  2. Workout possibly if time.
  3. Do some delivery driving work possibly.
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Day 9
I kept trying to be busy and was being aware of the nature that was around me outside. Being aware of the nature outside of me made me appreciate the nature that is created and this was my new stimulus these past few days. I stopped using headphones for some days also and just being still for some days. Although I feel good now I won’t be deceived by this feeling, I must keep training my mind. It wasn’t easy but I didn’t edge at all these days. I did workout and organized my goals and plans and also money.
Today is day 9 and I woke up 9 a.m. today. I slept late today and the other day because I was watching an interesting movie I can relate to called “baby boy”. Anyways, I will see what my plans will be. I got some urges this morning but it’s not too bad. I’ve talked to female coworkers yesterday which was crazy but it was just short conversation but I can feel the feminine vibrations from them which was cool.
Today:
Goal -

  1. meditate first thing in the morning
  2. Drink protein shake
  3. Do IQ test, sign up for Lyft driving or other platform, sell items
  4. Workout if possible.
  5. Get present for little neice today is her birthday :tada::blush:
    Do as much as you think as possible
    Message to self.