Useless, Neverending, Constant...AHHHHHHHHH! (help)

I was doing good awhile back. I had an 18 day steak. I felt I had it under control. Then I relapsed. And again. And again and again and again…now I am here. A month later, maybe two, I have not had a steak better than 2 days. Ugh, complete frustration. I really started trying to stop because I am stuck on this terrible fetish. I know, I know, some people think fetishes are ok, blah, blah, blah. But this one is baaaad. It is not just embarrassing or something. It TERRIFIES me. Yeah, that bad. However, I felt under control, I even felt that maybe I could get over it, when I was on my big streak. Now, I can barely go 3 minutes of my life without having thoughts of this fetish. I HATE it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH ← that is how I feel right now. This app has just become a place to log my relapses by habit. I try, but I can’t stop myself from relapsing. I don’t know if I am being repetitive or not, but if I am…it is because this whole thing feels repetitive. Over and over, same things, same thoughts, same relapse. I am simply sick of all of this. If you got any direction for me to take I would be SO grateful.

Help me please

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Your reward pathways are strongly hijacked mate
U gotta replace that shit by adding some good healthy things to do in yar life , keep yourself busy with work, if you’re student Focus on studies and for fitness go to gym or do push-up at home , have good healthy nutrition ,go outside play games with Friends or fellow,homies spend time with others that you are comfortable to do so, by doing this u will eventually be able to stop that horrible shit ruining your life

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