ULTIMATE GUIDE TO QUIT PORN FOR GOOD
This is not written by me, but I HAD TO share it with all of you, because this is not some temporary trick to achieve 30, 60, 90 days target. It is a step by step guide for the complete reboot, to completely change your approach towards quitting porn and tackle PMO in the right manner.
It is extremely long, but trust me, it will change your whole perspective of quitting this addiction. Just read.
Written by - The Underdog
Porn Addiction is Being Severely Underestimated
How do I know this?
Because most people in the community believe that in order to get rid of this addiction, all they have to do is keep trying over and over again, until eventually things will just âclickâ and their brains will finally become rebooted.
Very few are treating this as a true addiction. They just see it as a habit they want to break.
This is evidenced by the stubborness of many, relying purely on willpower for months, only to constantly reset their counters and beat themselves up for not making any progress.
Most people donât realize how incredibly difficult it is to completely remove artificial stimulation (of any kind) for the rest of their lives. Weâre talking about years and years of brain conditioning here.
Weâre dealing with some powerful stuff here, but it is not treated seriously enough, probably because itâs widely accepted by society and is not a substance like heroine or cocaine.
I cringe when people relapse, reset their counters, and proclaim âThis is it, Iâve had enough, Iâm going to do it this timeââŚ
Stop kidding yourself.
This is an addiction that has to be attacked from many different angles. You need a full arsenal of tools and strategies, as well as a proper mindset.
Willpower alone wonât do shit.
Abstinence is NOT Recovery
What people usually try to do is go as many days clean as they can.
Thatâs all they do.
Thatâs all their goal.
They achieve a certain amount of days, then for whatever reason they relapse, so they start over and repeat.
That is abstaining. That is not recovering.
It is extremely common for people to achieve a certain milestone, such as 30, 90, or 100 days, relapse a few days later, and then find themselves unable to get momentum again. They go back to the beginning and they feel like they lost all their progress from their run.
There is a constant frustration for lack of progress. People are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, trying the same thing over and over again without success.
This is because very few are addressing the real roots of their problems. Very few.
Everyone is focused on how many days they have managed and if their symptoms are either present or gone. They judge their progress by measuring dick hardness, spontaneous erections and morning woods.
They are âtrying to quit pornâ so that they can âget rid of their EDâ.
So they abstain for as long as they can, hoping that this can cure their symptoms.
Completely wrong approach.
If they donât see ED improvements, they get discouraged.
If they see ED improvements, then maybe a porn session or two wonât hurt, right?
If there is no woman around, they justify watching a couple of times. After all, they are not having sex anytime soon, so whats the point?
They delay dating until their ED is cured or they have managed to go 100 days. But they never achieve this in the first place precisely because of this incorrect mentality.
The same applies to other symptoms such as social anxiety, energy levels, motivation, etc.
They try to quit porn, so that the symptoms can go away, and so they can finally live life.
People are focusing on the wrong things.
They are not changing the way they think.
They are not changing the way they live.
They are not changing the way they view sex and women.
They are just trying not to masturbate, while everything else remains the same.
That, my friends, is abstinence, not recovery.
The Foundation of a Proper Reboot
Porn addiction is not the cause of your shitty life.
Read that again.
Of course, itâs difficult to improve your life when youâre having intense porn sessions every single day that drain your energy and make you a zombie. But porn is not the reason your life sucks.
Please, this is very important to understand, you have to stop blaming porn for your problems.
This mentality of life awaits me after recovery is destructive.
Porn is not the reason youâre a procrastinator. Porn is not the reason youâre depressed. Porn is not the reason youâre lonely. Porn is not the reason you havenât been able to lose weight or gain muscle.
Porn is the symptom.
You watch porn to escape reality. You watch porn to manage your emotions. You watch porn because youâre bored, lonely, stressed, depressed, angry, isolated. You watch porn to feel good for a moment, to replace uncomfortable emotions and situations in your life.
Hereâs how you get rid of this addiction:
You donât focus on quitting porn so you can finally get to live life after youâre recovered.
You focus on learning how to live, how to manage your emotions, how to change the way you think and view the world.
You put all your energy into building the life you want.
This will naturally lead your mind away from porn.
Success is not measured by how many clean days youâve managed.
Itâs measured by how much your life has improved since you started rebooting.
This is what you need to do.
Step #1: Write a life vision for yourself
How do you envision your life a few weeks, months, or years from now?
Spend a whole day (or week) thinking about this.
Donât say I donât know what to do with my life.
Are you telling me you have no clue what you want in any of the following areas: study, work, family, friends, hobbies, health, etc.?
Even if youâre not sure, you need to give your life some direction.
This is by far the most important part of recovering from pornography addiction.
Write like crazy. Write many pages if you want. Make the biggest post youâve ever done in your journal talking about how you envision your future life.
This life vision will be the foundation of your reboot.
This is what you will focus on 100% from now on.
Close your eyes. Visualize it. Write it down.
If you donât know what you want in life, then this is actually a more serious issue than porn addiction itself.
Like I said, spend a whole week if you need to.
Brainstorm.
Ask for advice.
Take a notebook and go to a park.
Inspire yourself.
This is the beginning of your recovery.
Take it seriously.
Step #2: Give urgency to your life vision
Ok, now you know what you want in life. Even if youâre still unsure in some areas, such as not knowing what to study, thatâs ok. At least you can give your life some direction for the moment. This is very important. You need to give your life direction. You need to move towards something.
Hereâs the problem. Many of us know what we want, but we keep delaying it. Weâre experts at delaying goals. We wait until New Years, or the beginning of a month, or until circumstances get better.
So this is what youâre going to do now:
Youâre going to give urgency to your life vision.
Write down why you ABSOLUTELY MUST start working on it right now.
Make another huge post or journal entry about it.
Letâs suppose youâre 27 and you have no job, no car, still live with your parents, and spend most of the day playing video games. Why in the world would you wait more time before starting to do something about it? This is urgent bro. Youâre fucking 27!
Or maybe youâve never had a girlfriend in your life before. Well, what are you waiting for? Go buy some nice clothes, start going out more frequently, make mistakes, get rejected, ask women on dates. Start getting some experience NOW.
You have back pain? Start working on it. Donât wait. The more you wait the worse it gets. Start doing yoga or swimming. Move your hips and back constantly every day.
Write down reasons why you must start pursuing your life vision right now.
You have to stop living like this.
This is urgent.
This is high priority.
We must convince ourselves that change is imminent.
Itâs very important.
A life vision is no good if you have no urgency.
Youâll just keep delaying it. Waiting for circumstances to improve. Waiting for motivation to arrive. Waiting for the beginning of new year.
Create urgency.
Step #3: Develop an indestructible belief in yourself
One of the main reasons we quit goals is because deep inside we donât believe weâre actually able to do it.
When successful people like Arnold Schwarzenegger decide they want to achieve something, they become completely obsessed about it. They have an indestructible belief that they will achieve it.
They are not affected by circumstances. They create results in their head before they even get them.
This is what you have to do if you want to accomplish anything.
For example, letâs say you want to learn how to play guitar. And you have the urgency to do it, because you know it takes time, so the sooner you start the better. You have to start now.
However, after a few days of learning the basics, you start losing motivation and becoming discouraged. You realize that playing guitar is not easy at all. You feel overwhelmed by how much practice you need to put into it. You start doubting yourself and thinking âThereâs no way Iâll ever become a great guitar player and form my own bandâ. Friends tell you things like âDude, you shouldâve started years ago. All great guitarists started when they were youngâ.
So you quit.
This is a result of a weak belief in yourself. You donât believe you have the potential to become a good guitarist. Which is obviously completely false. We as humans have unlimited potential.
Arnold Schwarzenegger doesnât think like this.
Look at what he said:
How many times have you heard âYou canât do thisâ, âYou canât do thatâ, âItâs never been done beforeâ. I love it when someone says â No one has ever done this beforeâ, because when I do it, that means Iâm the first person thatâs ever done it!
This is how we should think when we set up to do anything in life.
Uncertainty is what kills people. Not knowing if theyâre able to achieve it.
We need to brainwash ourselves every day into believing that we WILL do it NO MATTER WHAT.
All of these steps are equally important.
Do not skip them.
They are the foundation of your reboot.
They make rebooting so much easier. Your mind will be completely focused on what you want in life. You will be fixing the root of all your problems.
The secret of change is to focus all your energy not fighting the old, but on building the new.
Stop making posts complaining about your shitty life. Stop making posts saying how youâre sick of being addicted to porn. Stop talking about porn altogether.
Instead, transform your journal into a self-improvement journal, focused 100% on moving towards the life you want.
âForgetâ about porn.
This is basic rebooting stuff, yet many people are constantly breaking this rule. They write about porn cravings, morning woods, spontaneous erections, what day theyâre on, how much they struggled to abstain, how they canât wait to reach 90 days, etc.
When you consistently focus 100% on building the life you want, your mind will naturally move away from porn. You will also lessen the void left by quitting porn, which is very real.
Many people quit porn only to find themselves in this life emptiness that is very hard to handle. Then they go back to porn precisely because this void is too much for them.
Focusing on your life vision is a superior rebooting approach.
Relapses arenât that discouraging if youâre actually improving your life. Ironically, you will notice that the more you focus on what you want, the less frequently you will relapse.
Itâs important that you think in terms of life vision and pursuing your dreams, not in terms of âI have to get busy and fill my life with activities so that I donât watch pornâ. This is something youâre doing for yourself.
Stop ranting about porn.
This journey is about your LIFE.
Focus on that and the porn will go away.
Managing Your Emotional Life
Ok, letâs keep going.
Porn addiction is much more than just getting cravings and relapsing.
One of the reasons we become addicted is because of our inability to manage our emotional lives.
You have to remind yourself that quitting porn is about growing up and becoming a much more mature person.
Itâs much more than I want to quit porn so I can cure ED and have plenty of sex with women!.
Much more than that.
Weâve been using porn for years as a method of handling our emotions.
We need to stop hiding away from uncomfortable life situations. We need to stop using porn in order to escape from reality.
We must learn how to handle life and emotions without the need of porn.
We need to understand that one of the reasons we relapse is because weâre pussies that canât handle negative emotions.
We use porn as medication. We use porn to hide away from life. We use porn to temporarily relief anxiety, stress, loneliness, boredom, anger, etc.
Readjusting Your Sexual Expectations
This is by far one of the most difficult things to do.
When you quit porn, youâre not just saying good bye to artificial stimulation.
Youâre leaving behind the world of ânever ending flow of hot chicks with big tits and round assesâ.
Real life is nothing like that.
Weâve been spoiled by porn. We believe that we should be out there having lots of sex with different women. We believe that this is the key to happiness and fulfillment.
The problem is that it is incredibly difficult and unrealistic to âfuck hot chicks on a regular basisâ.
Thereâs nothing particularly wrong with having that goal, but you have to be willing to take some MASSIVE action. You have to go through hundreds of rejections. You need to have a lot of balls. You must do what 99.9% of men are incredibly afraid to do.
How many people here are doing what it takes to have the kind of sexual life we all dream about?
Very few, if any. We see these super hot chicks on tight dresses and we hope that maybe someday we might be able to have sex with them. We read books about seduction. We visit PUA forums. We watch videos on YouTube of guys approaching girls. We make theories and discuss them online.
But we arenât doing shit about it.
Itâs all just a dream. An idea we have in our minds. Something we hope someday we will do.
Hereâs how most people get laid in real life:
A guy meets a girl he finds attractive, so he asks her out. They get to know each other. Then they continue to go out and form some sort of relationship. Then after some months the relationship either becomes serious or falls apart.
Thatâs the real world.
You have to accept that, unless youâre willing to take massive action, you wonât fuck anywhere near as many women as you expect to.
Accepting this is very difficult, but it is necessary.
We need to learn how to live without this world of endless hot chicks, otherwise weâll become extremely disappointed and dissatisfied with real life, which is nothing like porn.
Anyone here is more than capable of getting a girlfriend. But our girlfriends most likely wonât look like pornstars, nor they will act like them.
Thereâs a very high probability the sex wonât be pornographic in nature. Thereâs going to be a lot of sensuality, caressing, and also clumsiness. Some days your girl will look sexy, other days not so much. Some days sheâll be in the mood, other days she wonât. Some days youâll struggle to keep it hard, other days youâll cum too fast. She might be able to achieve orgasms, or she might not. You might do it every other day, or maybe only 3-4 times per month.
Remember, pornstars are paid thousands of dollars to do what theyâre told and fulfill all your fantasies.
You must stop living in dream land.
I know this is very difficult to accept, but we have to give meaning to our lives outside fucking hot chicks.
Our happiness cannot depend on that. Otherwise youâll keep coming back to porn every time you fail to get laid in real life. You will remain attached to âsex with hot chicksâ for the rest of your life. You have to change the way you view sex and women, because I can assure you it has been completely distorted by porn.
By the way, I donât believe thereâs anything wrong about pursuing casual sex instead of a relationship, just make sure you keep both feet on the ground.
I would also like to add that relationships are about sharing your life with another person. I know many people here want a girlfriend so that they can finally start getting laid, but relationships go much more deeper than that.
If youâve never had a girlfriend before youâll know once you get one.
Thinking About Sex is USELESS
Whatâs the point of fantasizing?
It accomplishes nothing.
It slows down the reboot, increases the urge to masturbate, and reinforces neurological pathways related to porn.
Itâs a meaningless activity that should be eliminated.
It keeps your mind focused on sex, tits, asses, fucking, when it should be shifted towards other activities in life.
If you find yourself thinking about sex, you should mindfully and calmly redirect your attention to something else.
You want sex?
Great.
Then do something to actually make it happen.
Fantasizing by itself serves no purpose at all.
You need to understand that if you want to abstain from orgasm and masturbation, you cannot be thinking about sex and women, because this will inevitably cause you to relapse. Trying to abstain while at the same time fantasizing or peeking at pictures of chicks will only lead to frustration.
Stay away from any kind of artificial stimulation. Donât take peeks. Donât browse pictures of girls online. Donât type pornstar names on Google image search. Donât read escort forums.
Do not arouse yourself.
Basically you have to adopt a philosophy of âIâm either trying to get laid (approaching, texting girls, going out on dates, flirting with women, hanging out with friends, getting rejected) or doing something completely unrelated to sex (work, studying, exercise, fun, reading, playing an instrument, chores, housework, watching movies)â.
There is no grey area where you are alone thinking about sex or checking out girls online. This accomplishes nothing. It serves no real purpose. It will only increase urges, lead to relapse, and make you frustrated.
As soon as erotic thoughts pop up in your mind, you should calmly ignore them and refocus your attention to something else. You keep practicing this forever until you master it.
You have to attack this addiction right from the root. Trying to abstain from hardcore porn accomplishes nothing if youâre still constantly fantasizing and peeking.
If you keep strengthening the mindset I talked about above, you will be making meaningful progress.
This used to be called âMonk Modeâ, but I donât like that name because it implies that youâre going to become celibate.
This isnât about becoming celibate. This is about doing what it takes if you want to get laid, instead of wasting mental energy on sexual thoughts that will only improve the chances of relapsing.
If you ever want to achieve a long streak, you canât be checking out girls online, even if itâs just some bikini pictures. You canât be fantasizing when you wake up in the morning. You canât be taking 5 second peeks at porn.
As soon as you do any of those things, this huge beast called porn addiction will take control over your prefrontal cortex and itâs just a matter of time before you relapse.
You have to be extreme.
But donât worry, itâs much easier than it sounds.
Itâs actually harder to stop yourself from relapsing once youâre already thinking about sex, than it is to not think about sex in the first place.
How do you not think about sex?
Simple.
Focus your mind 100% on your life vision.
EveryâŚsingleâŚday.
Dismissing erotic thoughts as soon as they arrive in your mind is the cornerstone for preventing relapses.
This is basic stuff guys.
Itâs Not Orgasm What You Crave
Many people here believe that abstaining from orgasm is the most difficult part of rebooting.
WRONG.
When you get porn cravings, your brain is not asking for orgasm. As an addict, it is begging you for your hit. It misses the high, the tits, the asses, the novelty, the rush, the unrealistic sexual scenarios, the fantasies, the super hot chicks, the perfect camera shots, the feeling of letting go and indulging in pleasure, the fucking, the cumshots, the doggystyles, the boobs bouncing around, etc.
If lack of orgasm was the problem, then everyone would just fap without porn (or any other artificial stimulation). There would be no relapses and everyone would have 500+ day counters.
The urge to ejaculate only becomes a real problem once you start peeking, edging or fantasizing constantly. When you find yourself in a state of arousal then obviously you will want to cum.
But the initial urges are âaddiction urgesâ. They are mental. They are not a physical need for ejaculation.
If you feed these urges by peeking, even if itâs just pictures of hot babes in bikini, then they will invade your mind and rob you of your ability to concentrate or remain calm. Eventually âautopilotâ mode will be engaged and we all know what happens next.
Youâre not having urges to cum.
Youâre having urges for a âhighâ and a ârushâ.
Remember that.
This is why porn urges donât go away when you get a girlfriend.
It is a drug, and you need to learn how to live without it, regardless of whether you have a girlfriend or not.
When you abstain for several days or weeks, your sensitized pathways are anxiously waiting for any sexual cue, no matter how short or brief. This is why people mistakenly confuse real libido with porn cravings. They take a peek at porn after 15 days and they feel this intense rush and urge to cum, so they conclude that it is libido and that they must relieve pressure.
The problem was taking a peek in the first place. Had they just focused on more important things instead, they wouldâve been able to finish the day clean without problem.
If you manage to completely abstain from fantasizing and checking out chicks online (in any form), then going a long time without orgasm wonât be a problem.
And donât even think about testing or caressing your dick.
Focus 100% on your life vision.
Counters vs Spreadsheets
The following advice is aimed particularly towards those members who are having trouble getting a good run. If youâre already doing good, you can skip this section.
Ok, hereâs the thing:
There is a sickening obsession with long streaks on this forum.
People like counters because supposedly they are helpful for tracking progress.
Well, guess what? Spreadsheets do a much better job at that.
Thereâs a reason why Iâm so stubborn with this anti-counter thing.
They are dangerous, destructive, counterproductive.
Counters reinforce the idea of being âback to zeroâ every time you relapse, making it way more justifiable to binge before starting over again. Not only that, but you completely lose track of how many times youâre actually masturbating. They donât show the whole picture. There is absolutely no way to measure your progress at all. Itâs a never ending cycle of abstaining for a few days and then going back to zero.
Every time you reset your counter you become increasingly discouraged and unmotivated.
Thereâs too much emphasis on what day youâre on, no fap challenges (there are currently 7 no fap challenges running, itâs ridiculous), 90 days, 100 days, etc.
If youâre consistently unable to get past XX days and youâre always in the low numbers, then your counter has lost its purpose.
Counters are only good when youâve managed a good run, because this gives you a sense of accomplishment and provides sufficient accountability to actually prevent relapses sometimes.
Now, letâs talk about spreadsheets:
- They keep your addiction under control: By keeping track of how many times youâre actually masturbating and having orgasms, you will be forced to keep it in the low numbers. If you relapse, the spreadsheet will discourage you to binge, especially when youâre sharing it with the forum. A good rule of thumb is to try to keep your orgasm count to less than 5 per month.
- They allow you to see the full picture. In gameoverâs words: âYou donât realise how you forget over a month how many times you actually masturbate, peek, pmo or orgasm until you have it in front of you. I thought i was well under 3-4 orgasms a month but I have been up around 6-7 and this month was no better.â Youâll be surprised at how many times youâre actually fapping.
- They completely eliminate the âcountingâ factor. All you have to do is keep it as clean as you can. Pretty cool eh? No more counting, no more 90 day goals, no more fap challenges. After all, weâre trying to quit porn for life, not just 100 days or whatever.
- They will never discourage you. If you do relapse, you input it on the spreadsheet and move on. You donât make a new thread called âRelapsed againâ or âNot making any progressâ. Trust me, if you went from fapping 25 times per month to 2-3 times per month, youâre making huge progress, even if your counter only says â6 daysâ.
Spreadsheets are NOT a taper off approach, of course. The goal should always be to never watch porn, to be as clean as you can, to take it one day at a time.
Tapering off, as in âI watched porn 20 times last month, so Iâll watch it 15 times this monthâ, will never work. You should never think like this. You should never give yourself the green light to PMO.
Ideally, you should replace your counter with a spreadsheet and completely forget about what day youâre on. Then, if you do manage to get on a good run, you can put your counter back up for accountability and motivational purposes.
However, I understand many people here are in love with their counters.
They look pretty.
They are fancy.
I get it, I get it.
So this is what I propose:
(Once again, this ONLY applies to people who are struggling. If youâre already on day 70 or whatever then donât change anything, but consider using a spreadsheet if you do end up relapsing.)
Conclusion
To sum it up, the typical rebooting advice of Hey man, just do a 90 day reboot is basically useless.
This is a very serious addiction and should be treated as such.
Willpower alone wonât do it.
Change the way you live.
Change the way you think.
And please, stop making so many posts about porn, cravings, urges, relapsing, erections, 90 days, etc.
Instead, focus on the most important thing:
Your life.
Gotta clarify some things:
I have never said that the reason we started watching porn was because of life problems. In fact, I would argue that is not the case for the majority of us.
I didnât have any childhood issues or family problems when I was young. I just discovered porn on my own and liked it because it was very pleasurable. As kids and teenagers we are curious and horny.
However, as years go by, we become dependent on it not only because of its extreme addictive nature and accessibility, but also because we start using it as a way to cope with life.
The reason we start using porn and the reason we continue to use porn once weâre addicts arenât necessarily the same.
I also didnât mean to say that all porn addicts have shitty lives. Actually by shitty all I mean is being dissatisfied in one way or another. Maybe you constantly put off your goals. Or maybe you waste a lot of time online and want to change that. That doesnât mean your life is shit. It just means it could be better.
I am completely aware there are exceptions. There is a guy who told me he had no problems getting instant makeouts and fucking chicks the same day he meets them. There are others who actually have incredibly busy lives and only watch porn to get some pleasure and relax.
Whatever your situation is, the main point of my post still stands. You should focus on moving towards what you want, instead of constantly complaining and wasting lots of energy on staying away from porn.
Concentrate on building the life you dream about and this will help you tremendously on your quest to overcome your addiction to porn.
