(English is not my native language.)
(I warned you!)
[[How do I start?..]]
[I’m a simple guy.]
I want to enjoy the simple things in life. Want to feel, that I am alive. And want to gain control over my own body. It will be hard, because I never had that control in my life, and I don’t know how it feels, how to use it,
how to live with it.
[My porn addiction started 12 years ago…]
I lived half my life addicted to porn, growing up that way. It made a sirious damage to my personality, to my brain, to my soul and to my body. I watched a LOT of porn in a WIDE range of categories. Seen so many bodies,
so many faces…
[Only a few people know about this.]
I have a few close friends. But even they don’t know about all this. I feel ashamed. Even my ex girlfriend knows very little… And our relationship lasted 5 years… We broke up because I couldn’t forget a girl I fell in love with nearly 8 years ago. I couldn’t make myself to move in with her (my ex), because of this strange memory. I tried to forget…
But I couldn’t.
[I was always busy]
I am learning at a very hard university. I have countless sleepless nights behind my back. And I’m feeling it’s negative effects in my body. I barely had any time to care about myself in the past 5 years.
In my country, education is very tradiotonal. And I am an open minded person. So I learning all the new technologies too, even if they don’t teach it properly.
But now I taking a break. Started to work. Maybe now I will have some time to do the things I like doing. But with free time comes responsibility. I’d like to use this time
[I’m starting a new journey]
My goal is not a week, not a month, not a year. I want to be a different person. I feel my sins in my bones…
But do I hate them? Can I hate them? Without going trough bad things, that make me really hate them? I don’t know… I’m just tired, and broken. And I fear the consequences… I’m starting to really feel them now.
Wish me good luck, or rather something, that you think I need…
Today I deleted 62 GB of porn content from my computer.
Help me gather all my willpower, and courage!
I hope, I make some new friends on the way!
Feel free to comment!