Greetings Friends with Benefits!
Are your hands feeling chafed from too much one-on-one action? Fear not fair fappers, Captain NoFap is here!
Now, being in a relationship might seem like smooth sailing on the sea of self-love. But let me tell you, even paired paddlers can hit stormy waters!
I once thought having a first mate meant dropping anchor in the harbor of happiness. But after six years stranded at sea without a lass, I realized too many nights below deck with my tablet had left me unable to hoist the mainsail!
But alas, I found a lovely lady two months ago. Though we got on swimmingly in the bedroom, suddenly I was coming down with a nasty case of floppy mainmast syndrome! gestures limply The wind just wouldn’t fill my sails like it used to!
That’s when I turned to the sacred scriptures of NoFapism. And shiver me timbers, just four days without flogging the captain has worked wonders! Now I can keep the poop deck swabbed for hours!
Even my wench noticed a change in the tides! I’ve got more energy than a barrel full of gunpowder and I’m attentively swashbuckling her buckles like never before! She can hardly believe the new gusto in my galleon!
So heed my tale, ye scurvy sea dogs! NoFap will give your schooner the sturdy mast and full sails needed to ride the waves, whether you be sailing solo or with a hearty first mate! Now if ye’ll excuse me, it’s time to plunder some booty!
The Tao of Self