So I hope some of you guys relate nd even give me advice, warning though, this is one hell of a story
So I was raised by my grandma in a practically isolated place, this of course affected me on multi levels but were on a pmo addiction forum so I ll keep it focused on that issue, I was exposed to porn since the age of 12 nd been hooked on it till this day, Im nearing 26 years old now, so its been more than a decade of this crap, Porn for me was kinda everything, the feminine affection I coudnt get in high school, the stress relief, the distraction, the excitement, I literally spent my teenage years closed off fapping to shit nd playing video games nd internet browsing, now my grandma who was old nd sick sure loved me but didnt understand what I was doing nd tolerated my shit, fast forward 10 years, I graduated high school, developed an extreme social anxiety, started smoking, had a couple of male friends but totally alienated in my environement I discovered having extreme social anxiety when I started commuting, nd guys it was hell, everyday, it was like the savage kid thrown into civilsation shit was hard for real, nd guess what kept me going, yeah it was porn along my grandma affection, I got myself somehow a girlfriend nd it got to shit quickly, I dumped her, met a hot girl there, nd kissed her, when I kissed her, I started trembling being the virgin I am, shit was embarrasing, I never heard about nofap back then but I would notice a huge increase in my confidence nd memory once I lay off porn for a couple of days, I kept going like that, cheating the system barely going by until the day came nd my grandpa died, I got depressed, felt broken nd lost the only thing that meant something for me… I moved in with my biological family nd shit was weird at first, Id spend days not talking to anyone isolated nd porn kept me sedated along cigs, I was so depressed nd anxious I quit college two years ago, it got to a point of havings panick attacks when I tried going to college, I even lost faith in God nd became an atheist, then started looking into the ocult nd witchcraft like maybe the devil can bring me hapiness nd girls anyway, I was so naive, I met along some girls, had sex even with them but it all ended in crap, nd everytime it was because of my lust nd social anxiety, until one day, I prayed for God jesus to forgive my sins nd renounced all that shit nd started trying to build back my life… Its been a rollercoaster of ups nd dows, generally streaks of two weeks then binge relapsing, been trying to quit smoking too but shit is almost impossible I realised I have to drop the porn first, I realise porn has deeply damaged my mind nd soul but I believe God will heal me eventually… now the really weird thing is that I became a highly energetic person or more like a sort of empath, when I m positive mostly due to nofap ppl around me will be lifted up nd react positively, when Im negative ppl would react aggresively toward me nd its fear nd rejection, the more weird thing is that when my sexual energy gets built up like in the first week or two, I feel it like in my guts or some shit nd it literally puts ppl off me, like they feel that negativity or some shit, Im talking ppl literally droping shit around me, avoiding me at all cost, very negative body language its sometimes funny like Im a monster or some shit, interesting thing is that I did semen retention on time for like 40 days nd the girls were crazy around me, I assure you guys the attraction shit is real its not a placeboo, I been trying to meditating nd getting a more healthier diet, Im single nd lonely nd feel numb to all the girls I talk to now, its veen 5 days no pmo, nd the monster shit thing is back, I also noted tgat its gets shittier with smoking its lije when I spend more tgan a day cigs free, I feel this cleaniness inside of me nd nore positivity nd confidence, its somehow affecting my life force energy I dont know, I been told Im a highly sensitive person maybe its because of that, my girlfeiend dumped me caus I cheated last month, I knew I had to break the cycle… Also last couple of years I was literraaly watching lesbian nd femdom shit nd I heard a psychological condition called autogynrphilia where it basically means that become imaginning yourself as a woman or someshit after enoughtime watching it, its basically why trans ppl do that shit, so yeah, I kbow its such a clusterfuck at this point, but I have faith in God things will turn good, Im going for that 90 days nd I m working on fixing my shit, Im enduring all tge shit this time, pray for me,brothers peace out.
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Watch “let’s talk about nofap 72” on YouTube. That will help a lot
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