Things that happen to me during nofap

[Cubenix]

Hey bros 33 days clean. Feeling good, but something unexpected happend last night, before bed. You see it might sound weird or a bit misunderstanding, but I felt a big urge. Not physically, emotionally or mentality it was spiritually.

The desire for that urge was crazy I struggled to fall asleep. The craving soon took over and I could feel it became stronger and stronger in all other regions. So I just layed in bed probably a mistake, but I just kept on rolling around in bed and eventually fell asleep.

I wish you guys all the best and stay strong and awesome!

[ERNOL]

If something like that happens to me:

I check the reasons( for this journey) that i have written down(i keep it in my phone). Reading the reasons helps me in such situation(because those reasons are important to me).
Then while laying on bed, i do something i know will help me fall asleep. For example, i study subject of my college On my phone.(i only read to understand the concepts. No memorising). It does 2 thing:

1. it takes away my attention from urge. Since i have to pay attention to understand the complicated concept of the subject.
2. it’s boring. so i fall asleep soon.

Also reading any normal book i like has same result. I feel sleepy sooner or later for reading.
You can see if you can do something that has similar effect.

I just wanted to help.
I feel glad and proud that you beat the urge, man. Good work!

[Cubenix]

Thanks man I know you wanna help and I appreciate the advice you’ve given me. I usually also read, but I don’t know why I skipped this time. Well one thing tho my will power and confidence to beat this improved quiet a bit for ‘riding’ the urge out.

Maybe at the time I just was curious about the urge and see how it’s affecting me and I now it was risky for a relapse. Maybe unknowingly tried to push myself for the relapse. I am still working on figuring out what happend, but tend not to linger on the thought to much.

I know there is a lot of contradictions in what I say first yes and then no or up and down ect., but it is just how I feel maybe I am heading into another fase of the mind fog and coming out of the flat line with the mind fog as a little side affect? Don’t know for certain to tell you what’s going on this time the journey is way different then I attempted before, but will keep you guys posted.

Stay strong, awesome and good luck and God bless!

[Cubenix]

Day 54 starting hour of 55.

Well the urges hit me dang hard from Thursday upon till now. But this late hour 1h41am I am still at it fighting the last of my urge.

Through these days I was taken on memory lane and man o man the brain got a thirst for some dopamine . Calling with a haunted call for porn wanting just to blow that load. It was very very hard to stay busy as the mind constantly wanted me to go. I changed the environment and it I could feel I was starting to slip.

So I vented about it on the app hopefully it wasn’t that big of a deal with the person I’d share it with personally and I would just like to apologise again in public. So if I might get suspended you guys know I have crossed the line a bit too far. But jokes aside and I truely truely am deeply sorry for it me and my over detailed information and thoughts. I know I know, I should’ve probably kept it to myself and my journal, but I hope this might give me better insight and better results to let go of the past once and for all rather to keep it bottled up and it keeps on tighting the noose to kill me slowly and destroy all my hard work.

But I have succeeded in staying clean and keeping my end goal insight and to my promise to myself! This was a test my brothers and I hope we can all fight this as bracely and as strong. If you feel like you need a ear to have a chat pm me I am willing to listen!

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!!!

[Cubenix]

Making very good progress.
With a bump in the road, but I’ll stay strong.

Last night I finally let go of the past. There was a lot of obstacles epically a major fight with my nephew. So we talked about it and the past is slowly dissolving away. Still gnawing on me for a few, but as that past thought pops up it then fades.

However as I am working on these thoughts well my good friend the urge also comes and goes. I think the rewire process is getting a major boost out of me letting the past finally answered and fading. It is strange as the urge comes and goes and then comes and goes a few times in repetition not like normal were as it comes and goes and is gone for a long while.

Plus I had another nightfall so my body is now flushing it self clean from this addiction. Can wait for day 90. Then I’ll beat the challenge I am participating in after 90 days going for 100 days.

Then I think the sky is the limits didn’t plan further than that. Before any suggestions however I wanna see what the future holds in order to know what will go on.

Thanks for the read and if there is something you like to discuss pm me or if you wanna share something on the topic please do it will help me and the community.

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!!!

[Cubenix]

Agggggggg!! Nightfall no 2 in just as short period of time… The struggle is just getting harder and harder as it also starts to get awkward aswell. I forgot to mention I am getting a lot of random boners as well. No arousal, no p* it just happens.

It sometimes comes with the mini urges I mentioned yesterday. I am almost going to beat my highest streak I did before I joined the forum.

The healing has started and I am in a 50/50 bout it feeling good and in the back of my mind frustration is setting in.

Good luck guys let the healing start and even tho you feel like crap about it, don’t doubt it just go with the flow and let that frustrations go.

I know I am venting a lot of negativity and I apologize for it, but know this might help you in the future!

Stay strong and awesome!

[nagate]

Its increase in testosterone you should be aware of what you are feeling and then remember that you are on nofap and you be calm again.

[Cubenix]

Hey Guys. Thanks for posting on the topic and hope we can keep it going!

Well I have been down a quite dark road these last week or so with my posts. I am truely feeling changed.

I don’t feel like all superpower charged up if that’s what tou guys wanna know, but I have a different view in life.

I have made dumb decisions in the forum and I feel like this journey so far made me wiser in what I have done and a bit more mature.

Whilst I killed a troublesome past and still beating the crap out of the addiction.It just adds more perspective to life. Sometimes some stuff just flies out of the window of thought with frustration, you just act and later regret what happens. Maybe in oversharing or overthinking a lot of the things that is going on in oneself.

Therefore I wanna thank you guys for the time, energy, read-effort and sharing in the topic. I would like to apologise for all the moaning, negativity and especially the rudeness I might have displayed.

Sadly it was my way of growing and it was a bit toxic with harshness, but it was a way of getting you guys to see the battle and also to get motivation to move on like a coach that push you the extra mile with some torture to do your best to avoid these mistakes.

Please pm me if you wanna chat, or if you like to share something of ypur journey with all please don’t hesitate to do so also any motivational content is also welcome here.

Thank you for allowing me to express this thought with you!

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!!

[Cubenix]

Hey bros.

How’s life? How is the fight going? Either way hope it’s going well and hope you are staying strong.

I just wanna announce that I am gonna start a daily diary soon and would like it if you guys would like to have a chat on it as well.

Recently I have been thinking about ways in how to help the community to grow and I have jumped around a bit now, but I wanna do more and expand a platform of chatting topics and being a real supportive group.

So this is my story and what’s happenin’ in my head and yeah felt great to come back from the ‘dead’.

See you guys soon in a next awesome adventure and let’s keep growing this any exp you have might help someone out!

Thanks for the read and support and good luck stay strong and awesome!

[Cubenix]

Hey guys. Well 3 days away from 100 can’t wait.

I wanna get real here. I wanna restart on my journey only once again. After I reached a 100 days i want to go back to day zero and this is why:

1. I have done this journey sofar and I feel like some places I wanna inprove in. That would be to grow in other habits as I am doing nofap. I have been on and off other habits on this journey which also caused a minor slip in the journey.

2. I wanna test how this streak really rewired me in jumping on a even longer one and I am quite curious to see how long a urge will hit me after I fapped.

3. I wanna get more involved in the forum. Like I said I am gonna start a diary and this is new I wanna lauch an new level towards nofap and I will explain after day 100.

Yes I know a lot of you guys are with me on this journey and will be disappointed in this decision and also I have given alot of advice. This isn’t out of spite, but I wanna break this tension I have and start afresh and really commit in building up and strenthen myself in this way.

Let me know what you guys think.

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!

[Cubenix]

Bam! Day 128!

Dang typing a lot today and I have a lot to say and well quite frankly have a lot on me mind!

Ahh! me I know the typo so pirate like. Okay yeah me fellow land lubbers I know ye be thinking what the f#^!*. Any ways long since I have posted here seems I did it in the pirate ages last.

Yeah, pirate movies games rrr getting to me forgot to mention it in me diary. Oops my bad.

Anyways back to the topic at hand. Well, felt a couple of strong urges this week. I must be coming out of a flatline and I almost kinda feel me slipping back to like my 1st or 2nd week of nofap. Frustration, anger getting quickly irritated and well mmm as extra the mr down there likes to gets up and excited at random times . Luckily this lockdown makes it less awkward.

Anyhow I started to become lazy, but now I wanna start over and come back with a bang and do more be more proactive and become what I need to be. A better version of what I was.

So what is happening with you guys anything weird or awesome you like to share. Also if you wanna chat need help pm me.

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!

[Cubenix]

Hey guys, well I hope you guys are having a fantastic journey. So yeah I have been thinking alot about myself and I just don’t know where to start and stop.

A lot of things run through my head. These days and I think about me and my happiness. Well, I had a though weekend behind me. The toughest one yet. I assisted my friend in house sitting. It was an intense one.

I could be more open with him. As we were alone I had alot of questions I was always curious about as I do have my own thoughts about them. No not to like sleep with him or gay stuff. I mean like for me there is like a hard way for me to connect with people. I just do it here and there and yeah sometimes I get carried away, either by hating someone or just reacting in anger or would fight to impress the person every step of the way.

I never really spoke much as my thoughts are like a maze of things and questions. I know it is stupid, but I can’t have good friendships with guys. I have had one or two male friends, but I didn’t really fit. I felt judged, different eventhough I was with them and they seemed to care.

I don’t know all my life I have been picked on, being gay, being the weirdo and the loner. I loved being alone I didn’t mind it at all. I knew me and I knew oddly about sex more then the average guys of my age. I never spoke about it and I well kinda cut myself from that life of being a normal guy. Talking with guys about masterbation and sex, stuff what ‘normal’ teens do and like go crazy about sex jokes. Or laugh at the teacher when he/she mentioned the word penis or vagina.

For me it wasn’t funny. I already knew about the terminology and it was a serious and professional situation like being a biologist. Just studying another specimen and getting fasinated on the new discoveries that has been made.

I was ‘special’ in a way I guess. Always wondered how stuff worked and why. Especially when I started studying for a millwright I was either second or top of my class. Guys were so shocked as I was like seen as this “gay weirdo” and I am not goibg to make it.

Well, it was just hard work. I studied my ass off for tests and it felt good to be smart and have a guy asking for my help. I felt so good to have that respect and inspire guys to do more and me being a ‘mentor’ before being a professional guy.

But everything is like going crazy. I am not the person I wanna be. Not that I chose the wrong field, but I am a loner looking to be a person of interest to be the best to be loved to be respected.

I have spoken to my friend and told him it is hard for me to love a guy. I love him in a sortof distant way. I told him that for me I want that one guy who I can be open with. I wanna talk about girls, sex masterbation and be ‘normal’ not this ‘gay guy’ everyone makes fun off or push to one side.

I don’t wanna feel awkard with another guy in a sense of he being scared of me wanting to have sex with him, but be open. I asked a lot of questions and given my opinion. It feel like to me in all honesty guys wanna connect with male friends on differnt levels. I have read stuff about guys giving their friends handjobs or blowjobs or having a jerk circle or just jerking off together.

For me reading about it yeah is weird, but I have had questions like this. Do guys ever masterbate together. Why is it an issue seeing your friend nude. I mean for me seeing my friend nude to answer personally and I told my friend it ain’t my bussiness how he looks like and it ain’t like I’ll jump him. I mean I have penis and he has one what’s the big deal about it? We can like dress and get ready together I don’t mind, yet it ain’t a ‘normal’ thing it is a gay thing.

Stuff like my dad was in the army. He doesn’t talk about it much, but I think he saw guys nude a lot of times esspecially as they had public showers. And yeah like in the movies don’t really have privacy or like they make jokes like don’t drop soap in prison. That tipe of stuff. Me and my dad ain’t really close and we don’t talk much. I kinda thirst for some guy to talk with. I did, but only got like semi answered or not answered at all, by my friend this weekend.

He just wanted to chill, escape I could see his desire to talk too, but I was stupid as I killed that mood. With my 1000 questions.

This is what made it a though weekend. Facing that elephant in the room. Knowing more just to feel ‘normal’, get stronger inspired, be a guy for once. I totally blew it. I don’t want sexual favours just to be seen as a guy and not gay. I know it kinda is like wtf. But I have been looking for that answer that key of normal for so long. Everyone say you are a guy act like one. Be confident, flirt with every girl, be muscular etc. But why do I not feel like it.

If I flirt with a girl for me it feels awesome I know I ain’t gay, but for me a girl is a lot more worth then a quicky, this is probably why I am also not normal. Kissing a girl for me is fantastic, eventhough I don’t have much xp on it, but it feels like I am being judged, like I don’t belong.

It is like in the movies the nerd guy landing the hottest chick in the movie. Like how did he do that. Yeah that’s me. I don’t make a lot of sense but yeah, just hate being me I guess.

Again I am morbid. I know sorry guys. I think it’s best I left for now. Good luck and stay strong and awesome