Hello to whom it may concern,
My name is TheCharismaticMedic (or at least I wish to become this) and I have decided to try and record my current in depth experiences with nofap. I have currently at the time of writing been attempting to quit pmo cold turkey for about 10 months or so. Current record is 2 weeks (14 days) and need to get to 90 days. However, have been reaching around 5-7 days in length as of recently. With this in mind I have determined that the cause is a mixture of loneliness and stress. Figuring I may do others good with possible recordings of my journey I wish to record my status of my addiction as much as possible while I recover. In turn if I achieve a streak others may follow suit.
Fair warning. My story might feel familiar or relatable to some. Yet, it is quite tragic and depressing.
Thanks to anonymity of the internet I can go pretty in depth.
I come from a poor family with mixed views. A feminist mom side filled with abusive men and an old fashioned view from my dad’s side that are misogynistic and racist. Which has lead to me growing up with views that people in general can not be trusted and everyone is out to screw each other (especially fellow guys). This in turn meant I grew up with few friends to practice socializing. By the time my peers had gotten into groups I was alone and became the target of severe bullying. Guys would physically and verbally taunt me and girls wanted nothing to do with me.
I had one safe haven in the form of my neighbor, a kid about my age that I grew up. Until he had used my trust to take advantage of me and used me to s&*ually satisfy himself. Completely destroying me emotionally. I still had no other friends so I continued to be friends with the kid who eventually introduced me to pmo. I never was introduced to “vanilla” stuff. I was instead introduced to more hardcore or fantastical fetishes that I’ll reframe from labeling in case of possible triggering.
Eventually my mental deteriated to the point of suffering from OCD and was placed under heavy doses of anti-depressents. I could not feel much of any kind of emotions while taking the drug, and could only find general happiness and safety within the pmo habit that had been fueled so much that by the age of 16 I was doing it 3 to 7 times a day.
Now I’m in college and after a few more tragic events I realized that I need to improve myself. This includes the elimination of PMO which has torn me apart for about 12 years now. I made it one time to day 14 and have never felt so capable of socializing that I could have ran a party.
Plans and Goals
My goal isn’t to become the next alpha male in any capacity, but to instead improve my self-esteem and manage to create a charismatic. I also wish to get myself in a position where I may be capable of traveling around the world as I have been stuck in this awful town since I was born. Finally I have never had any kind of experience with a real girl and wish to fix that. It may sound pathetic or shallow, but that is a drivung force for that has worked for me getting into longer streaks.
I plan to break down my entries into segments on how I am doing per section:
- other benefits
I’ll try to write here when I can in order to update my status. With the goal being that I reach 90 days max. Thank you to anyone who has read my journey and keeps me in their thoughts at the very least. Your support is much appreciative and I will do my best to return the same.