Who am I ?
We’ll , I’m a 18 year old teenager from india.
Mostly raised by my mother so I had feminine qualities from my childhood , the boys of my locality used to bully me because I was not interested in playing cricket 
or football all day long like them, not interested in doing adventurous kind of things.
The locality in which I’ve grown up, they believe taking care of yourself, we’ll groomed and being clean are feminine qualities 
Kind of like in India , atleast in the early 2000s (my childhood) they expected boys to become macho man.
Back to me, I was a introvert student, being shy and sitting all day quietly, reading novels and books. The boys hated that (idk why) and used to call me “gay” (although girls love that behaviour) I think they were just jealous.
So I was a A+ student till my 7th grade .
What happened after 7th grade ?
You guessed it right, the biggest curse that I ever had , "pon"
So there’s this group of guys in my class (we all were around 12-13 at that time ) discovering mast**baion at that time , I heard their talks that how great it feels .
I became curious and i did it , it feels like heaven when you first do it
I stopped taking care of myself, became rude to my mother, stopped drawing
All day waiting for the night to come , so that I can ■■■🤦🏻♂️.
For 3 continuous years i did it , sometimes once per day , sometimes even thrice (yes)
At the end of my 10th grade , i started to feel that something’s not right , like I’m feeling happy, but only when I do it ,it came to a point where I have to do it to sleep , and to get out of bed, sort of a routine.
Then I discovered self improvement and no fap
Started a streak , failed , again started, failed
Failed over many times ( I lost count)
Then I started with full willpower and marked it to 80 days approx.
Then I had to shift to a new place and because of the environment change , i started to consume p*** again .
I had my 10th grades final exams in the span of 80 days of semen retention, I topped the school and everyone was shocked because my grades were going down since 8th grade
(I scored 95.4% )
Those 80 days were the most productive days of my life till now , studying 12 hrs a day regularly.
In 11th grade , i fell in love for the first time as an 17 year old.
She said I was a crush of her’s since 7th class ( we were in the same school)
And oh my god, we talked on the phone for hours and hours, i thought I founded the love of my life ( as a typical teenager thinks)
The relationship spanned over a period of 1 year.
Everything was going good , so what happened?
She cheated on me.
We broke up , i became depressed for months , tried self improvement but no self confidence so that also didn’t worked .
And here’s me now , in 12th grade
Fully recovered through the break up , i seeked positivity, meditation and self care .
Im preparing for an all India level entrance test
“IIT JEE”, which is an exam through which you get elite colleges if India .
I created this dairy for accountability, i will regularly post how many hours i study very day , what I studied.
Po** destroyed me internally but now it’s time to ascend
My exam is in exactly 1 year from now.
History shall be created.
(non fiction) 30 mins
(5 hrs approx)
before 12 am 
.