Normally, when we try to change our behavior, especially with addictions or habits,
We go in this order:
Goals → Process → Identity
We set a goal to quit a habit, let’s say ■■■■, and take actions from the outside that, if successful, change your identity.
This is a harder approach because your addictive behavior is governed by your subconscious mind.
It has become a very strong habit (over years of use) and is on autopilot, so changing just the outer processes and systems won’t affect its programming.
There have been many cases where people relapse after months of sobriety, only to go further down the rabbit hole.
What if you reversed this approach by focusing on identity first?
Identity → Process → Goals
Everything becomes 10x easier because you are starting from the root. Which is your beliefs, your values, your identity.
Reject the notion of viewing yourself as an addict or a user.
Shift your identity and begin viewing yourself as someone who embraces discipline, one who is oriented toward long-term goals rather than short-term pleasure.
Utilize affirmations and journaling to reprogram your subconscious mind.
And then you would be able to make a long-term sustainable change because you changed your identity, which falls in line with the process itself.
I hope you found this helpful.
I never get urges when I’m with someone. It’s when I’m all alone, the urges hit suddenly like a bomb that is ticking.
When I’m with anyone, I feel happy and healing but the moment there is no one with me, I relapse.
And the crazy part is, when I’m with someone I’m confident I won’t relapse or get urges even if I’m alone. But when I am actually alone, the confidence fades away as if I identified myself as someone who can’t resist it but can only avoid it by being with someone all the time.
So, from now I will believe I can stay alone without relapsing, I’m not an addict. There is no urge stronger than the will of God.
It is very confusing to me. I have used this concept most of the time but someone inside my mind keeps telling me a liar. Don’t lie to yourself. Then this idea stops working.
Great post, 100% agree on identity. That is why I chose this username, some of the *** I had engaged with was full of negative affirmations and very dangerous if you don’t understand how the subconscious mind works.
I had noticed how some people’s usernames on here have an association with being addicted, my suggestion to them would be to follow your advice of changing your identity, like changing your username for example into something positive.
