I woke up at 6:30am about an hour ago. I couldn’t go back to sleep because the perverted thoughts are coming to my mind to the point that I have an erection, but it’s not an urge. So, I decided to write down all the things that is on my heart.
The psychological impact porn has had on my mind is incredible. I mean the way it distorts a person’s view of sex. Like I told you guys before, my addiction to Shemale porn started in the summer of 2011, when I was 14 years old, and to this very day it still creeps into my mind.
Just recently, about 2 days ago, I had dream that I was giving oral sex to a Shemale. In the past, when I was trapped in this vicious cycle of PMO, this is what I desired, though I kept it secret because I was ashame of myself. Deep down, I knew this type of Pornography was sick and made me less of a man, but everytime when I PMO’d , I would justify my sick perverted thoughts and behavior. I would tell myself that “Shemales are women too, this is natural, matter of fact, Shemales are better versions of women.”
Even though I’m getting better and managed to be 50 days clean from Masterbation and 92 days clean from Pornography, the psychological damage that I took from Pornography over the years is going to take years to recover from. But like I said before, “I WILL BECOME A NEW MAN!”
“I WILL CONQUER PORNOGRAPHY AND MASTERBATION!”
“I WILL BE VICTORIOUS!”
The Journey to begin 1,000 days clean and beyond.