SurfingTheWaves Journal

This used to be my trigger journal but now it’s my regular journal. From time to time I’ll post in here updates on what’s going on with me.

My sharing code: e95bc5


I woke up in the middle of night wanting to look at porn but after a few minutes I fell asleep. There was a urge this morning but so far I haven’t relapsed. This might be a though day though.


This a genius idea… Are other people allowed to join in?

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Thanks… I did set it up as my journal but you could always make your own trigger journal in another thread. Anyone can comment on the thread with their thoughts though.

I wasn’t able to get through that one. Ended up relapsing and have had a few relapses since then :frowning_face:

Went onto Skype today and since I hadn’t used it in a long time there still the old messages from my ex. Her new profile photo was that of her with her now boyfriend and it upset me. I had a strange urge to masturbate to photos of her. Hopefully this will pass cause I want to leave this behaviour behind.

It sounds like ex-girlfriend - - >trigger. It might be a good idea to not see her profile in Skype.


Yeah I blocked her on Skype… In fact I deleted the app - I was just curious to see what was going on with it.

It’s bad. I have financial difficulties and that making me stressed out and I’m tempted to look at porn in order to get away from the stress. Sometimes I think porn is the only thing that is going to be the only thing that’ll get me through this extremely difficult time.

I’m slightly triggered, just having thoughts of porn and women. Also a new work project needs me to watch celebrities videos which is a bit triggering. It’s not too bad just celebrity news but some of videos have celebrities looking sexy. I have to don’t to do it but I’m paid on commission and watching the videos will get me more money.

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I’ve changed how this journal will be now. Instead of a trigger journal this will be a regular journal. I won’t update it everyday since I tend to use the app Stories everyday as my daily journal. This will be a place when I give update and these update can range from everyday to a fortnight or every month - it really will depend if I feel like I have anything interesting or helpful to share.

I have say lately I’ve not been doing so great. I make it for 2 or 3 days then relapse. It’s so disappointing since I wanted April to be a PMO free month. The main reason I wanted this month to be free from porn was because it’s my birthday month. In fact, today is my birthday. So today is a great day to start again. I relapse yesterday but I reset the counter for today for new beginnings.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I also wanted April to be Nofap for me, and I did have my longest streak this month! But I have relapsed a few times.

One day at a time…

I support you!

I hope you enjoyed your birthday :birthday::balloon::tada:


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Thanks. It didn’t go so well but I’m not giving up.

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I’ve been in a rut of relapsing. After relapsing, I get upset and turn to porn to feel better and that furthers my relapsing. Sometimes it can go on for weeks or even months. Once I’m in a relapsing rut it’s hard to get out of it. Sometimes I don’t know why I bother because being clean seems impossible. Sometimes I think I have more chance of winning the lottery than stop looking at porn. My excuses are dumb like the other day I got into a fight on Twitter with this blogger. I felt bad about what I said and was upset with what they said to me. So to get over it I looked at porn. I’ve also been having trouble with my phone. I get so mad that it isn’t working properly that I look at porn to forget my phone problems. It’s not good because looking at porn makes me unproductive and can make me be a bit mean to people.

I had a relapse today. It all started last night when I entered the chaser affect but was able to go to sleep but I woke with it. Tried to resist the pressed the urge button. After the meditation I should have probably gotten out of bed but I didn’t and ended up relapsing. Now the temptation is to go on a binge because I’m so upset with myself for relapsing :worried: