Struggle of 1.5 years

It has been nearly about 1.5 yrs and I am still stuck …progress?? Nothing much but still fighting.I know I am a failure,worthless and a distorted personality .I have lost 1.5 years(approx 500 days) but still I could not curb this addiction.As being a failure I have no right to give advices to people but would like to share the experience of my failures in this past 1.5 yrs.

Will summarize the failures briefly -

1.January (2020) - This was the time I started my journey against this humongous enemy, porn.I neither knew much about this addiction nor even considered it as an addiction still I hoped for a change.

  1. February- This was the time when I was heading towards my examination and I tried to make it as an golden opportunity but failed miserably.

3 .March,April, May, June,July - I am combining all this months as I consider them as “Corona” period.In this period
I tried many times,did many small streaks of 3 days 5 days 7 days but again I couldn’t eradicate my addiction. Rather my addiction increased many folds succumbing to isolation and darkness

  1. August - Around this month I shifted my house, I expected changes in my life because I heard that changing the environment around you makes the addiction weak. But at last I was proved wrong , anything that requires to be changed is your own mindset. Around this time only I experienced my first nightfall and it went on for a few more streaks.

  2. September , October - This was the first time ever I got a long streak of 21 days but that too didn’t last, I found a temporary cure of nightfall but not of my addiction.

  3. November, December- As winter began, my hopes were high. Though I did my longest streak of 22 days but eventually returned to my old path.

  4. January (2021) - I promised and made new year resolution to leave this addiction forever and ever but again all those promises turned false. I lost the first month of the new year.

  5. February- Still after loosing the first month I didn’t loose hope but this time as well I lost 11 days of February.

So, here was the flashback of 1.5 years. In this 1.5 years I learned many things and lost many things at the same time.I would share them one by one.I need your support and belief over me which I have lost .I don’t know where I am marching towards,but let’s create an environment of positivity and hope which will empower me and other fighters here to come out of this mouse trap. I am aiming for my 150 days march which I want to name as “bringing the smile back”
Do support this journey

Sharing code : gg17za

P.S - Thanks to my accountibility partner for staying there in all my hard times and not leaving me even after making so many mistakes.I bow down to the spirit and pledge to change this time.

#bringingthesmileback
#150 days
#positivity

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More power to you…:boom::dizzy:

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@Akal_mrityu we are together in this struggle bro. We will keep fighting.
Jai mahakal!

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Bro, @Akal_mrityu I see that this is the first time you are posting in this community. Welcome, this is the best place to beat this addiction once and for all.
You said you have been struggling for 1.5 years with this addiction. I have been in this battle for 3 years now. 2 years I fought by myself, not with the help of any companions here (at that time I didn’t know about RC app). This may I’ll complete one year in this app. What you have to understand is pmo addiction is no different from cocaine or heroine or any other fucked up drugs out there. Everywhere we have triggers; you look in the screen, you open a site to buy something, you watch a movie, you go for a party everywhere. We have to win against all these challenges and it is not easy. It won’t happen in the blink of an eye but trust me, once you commit 100% nothing in this world will stop you. What you have to adopt is an ‘IAM OK WITH SUFFERING’ mentality. Do you know why you give up?
You relapse (or we relapse) because we feel that the pain of withdrawals of pmo is insufferable. As the journey gets hard we’ll say: “oh God, this is hard, I cannot endure this. Just one peek and I’ll keep going’
No! You must say: "fuck this addiction. I control my life. Bring it on, bring your flatline, withdrawals Iam ready to suffer. Iam ready to go through anything but I won’t give up
With this kind of attitude you can make it. I’ve had a 100+ and 70+ streaks in past months. I did it only with this kind of attitude. I used to believe in the easypeasy book and all. It is good but atleast in the first 90 days you have to switch on ‘IAM OK WITH SUFFER’ mode.
These pains, loneliness, boredom, anxiety etc are all parts of life. Escaping it through porn will only lead to increasing that pain.
We are all together dude.
This is the most important video about urge control in YouTube, in my perspective. Must watch.
If you adopt this attitude, Iam 100% sure that you’ll make it. :point_down::point_down:
Also join the challenges, make companions and help each other. Check-in here daily. You can make it; we’ll all destroy this addiction and will become our best selves.

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Well said bro. It’s true we have to willing to suffer. That’s the only way.

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