It has been nearly about 1.5 yrs and I am still stuck …progress?? Nothing much but still fighting.I know I am a failure,worthless and a distorted personality .I have lost 1.5 years(approx 500 days) but still I could not curb this addiction.As being a failure I have no right to give advices to people but would like to share the experience of my failures in this past 1.5 yrs.
Will summarize the failures briefly -
1.January (2020) - This was the time I started my journey against this humongous enemy, porn.I neither knew much about this addiction nor even considered it as an addiction still I hoped for a change.
- February- This was the time when I was heading towards my examination and I tried to make it as an golden opportunity but failed miserably.
3 .March,April, May, June,July - I am combining all this months as I consider them as “Corona” period.In this period
I tried many times,did many small streaks of 3 days 5 days 7 days but again I couldn’t eradicate my addiction. Rather my addiction increased many folds succumbing to isolation and darkness
August - Around this month I shifted my house, I expected changes in my life because I heard that changing the environment around you makes the addiction weak. But at last I was proved wrong , anything that requires to be changed is your own mindset. Around this time only I experienced my first nightfall and it went on for a few more streaks.
September , October - This was the first time ever I got a long streak of 21 days but that too didn’t last, I found a temporary cure of nightfall but not of my addiction.
November, December- As winter began, my hopes were high. Though I did my longest streak of 22 days but eventually returned to my old path.
January (2021) - I promised and made new year resolution to leave this addiction forever and ever but again all those promises turned false. I lost the first month of the new year.
February- Still after loosing the first month I didn’t loose hope but this time as well I lost 11 days of February.
So, here was the flashback of 1.5 years. In this 1.5 years I learned many things and lost many things at the same time.I would share them one by one.I need your support and belief over me which I have lost .I don’t know where I am marching towards,but let’s create an environment of positivity and hope which will empower me and other fighters here to come out of this mouse trap. I am aiming for my 150 days march which I want to name as “bringing the smile back”
Do support this journey
Sharing code : gg17za
P.S - Thanks to my accountibility partner for staying there in all my hard times and not leaving me even after making so many mistakes.I bow down to the spirit and pledge to change this time.