So I had a thought after I relapsed the day before yesterday that if I stay away from thoughts about Nofap and Nofap in general that I wouldnt think about P or think about watching P. And it’s useless ive seen a video that said *the more you think about not doing stuff, the more you’ll want to do them" but that dosent work, or it might be just me not knowing how to do properly. Anyways I’m back to the app seeing motivationap stuff and seeing my streak ( my counter) go up it keeps me on task and reminds me of what I’m supposed to do.
P. S. I havent gotten on a long streak in a while. I’ve gotten on this cycle of relpasing and can’t get rid of it. HELP
What is your current strategy, my friend?
I have winter brake right now, I do work on Saturday and Sunday but the the rest of the week I wait for time to pass by. I have a lot of blockers and phone addiction apps installed. But when the urge hits I turn into a genius figuring out tons of ways to get around them. It happened multiple times. And it’s sad
Bro I’ve definitely been there! There isn’t a single filter that I didn’t find a way around. Sometimes, setting a filter itself would induce a relapse - I would set a filter on like Day 10 to protect my streak, and then come back two days later and spend hours trying to find a way around it until I finally did, and binge like never before
In the end, I stopped setting filters. None of them are foolproof. If you can get your mind in a place where you don’t search for P at all, that’s the best filter in my humble opinion.
It’s completely up to you, but I’d suggest finding things to fill that time. A great gift that comes with being PMO free is all the time you can reclaim in your life. Exercising, working towards your goals, learning something new - work towards a new language, skill, or hobby, learn to cook a new meal, watch a documentary, listen to an audiobook - there’s so much to do. An added bonus is that these activities provide dopamine, which helps reduce the cravings your brain has - it’s not getting its regular dopamine fix from PMO - so this is a far superior alternative to passing time.
It’s also key to have two strategies - an urge prevention strategy to keep urges at bay, and a urge defence strategy for when the urges reappear. This may be the world’s most powerful addiction - someone said it’s like having an endless, free, constantly available supply of morphine; it will take some new knowledge to break free for good. I’d spend some time looking at success stories, doing research on strategies psychologists and therapists have provided, and then build a strategy that works for you. I could also share mine if you like, it’s gotten me to Day 37 currently and I’m well on the way to Day 90 - GOD willing.
Please do share you strategy. So whats your thought on avoiding looking and Nofap and keeping it off your mind, have you tried It ? I tried it but didn’t work it it did anything then it discouraged me. I will stay on this and the Nofap more, check them out. Like you said. I’m interested in seeing your strategy hopefully it can help me.
P. S. Thanks for helping
Yeah, I’ve tried avoiding myself but it didn’t work. Sadly, it’s become a part of our lives now, so we need to be able to manage that and create a new future where PMO is fully behind us.
Okay, so my prevention strategy is this. I wrote down a list of 5 negative consequences I’ve had in my life as a result of PMO, and 5 positive consequences I will get when I’ve overcome this addiction. Added to that I wrote a 1 page letter to myself on Day 1 where I swore to GOD I’m not doing that again and encouraging myself to go all the way this time. Every day, I spend five minutes reading my letter and list to keep my mind fresh.
Doing this daily helps remind me of what pain I have experienced - diagnosed with clinical depression, poor results when I finished school, broken relationships, poor finances from lack of focus etc. - and how great my life will be afterwards - improved confidence and self-esteem, charisma, more time to focus on my goals and self-improvement etc. I also remind myself daily of my commitment on this journey.
In my research, I found that one huge reason why we have continued to relapse in the past is that our brains forget just how painful relapsing is, and only remember the pleasure we experienced at that moment. If we could carry that ‘Never again’ feeling around with us after every relapse, we’d never do it again.
My urge defence goes like this for every urge that comes up:
- Acknowledge immediately that I want to PMO at this moment in time.
- Tell myself that this is okay, wanting to PMO and actually doing so are entirely different matters. It’s my actions that count, not my urges.
- Remind myself that everyone is tempted just like me. P is everywhere on the internet. But being tempted doesn’t mean I have to PMO.
- Recall that I always have the power to choose at any moment. I’m in the driver’s seat. If I truly did want to PMO and break my streak, I can do so. I don’t REALLY want that, so I will choose a better life.
- Then I recite a 3 sentence, vivid vision statement based on my 5 positive consequences from my daily list to remind myself of what a better life looks like.
- Tell myself I can choose differently the next time. I always have the choice to PMO or to choose a better life. I am not depriving myself of PMO however, rather I am empowering myself with a better life.
With those 6 steps, my urges are gone within 3-5 minutes, sometimes sooner. As my streak has increased, sometimes the urge dies out before I even get to step 5.
I do exactly the same as you when the urges hit me, I figure out ways to bypass all my filters and blockers and no matter what kind of blockers I use, I always find a way around them.
But not any more, I have finally found something I can’t bypass on my phone, and I’ve tried, I had this monster urge and a whole lot of time on my hands the other day. I became manic about it and I tried everything I could think of, but in the end I didn’t relapse. I just couldn’t access any porn on my phone no matter what I did.
The app is called Stay focused, with the app I can set a time limit, during that time the apps I have chosen to block can’t be opened, no matter what.
I have chosen all apps that can access internet, all social media and all the app stores.
So when i feel an urge comming, I just turn on the app for the amount of time I think I’m gonna be alone and voila… I’ll get extremely frustrated for a while, but no relapses
I want to mention that I use the paid version of the app, but since this is the first one I haven’t been able to find a way around and it’s very cheap, I’d say is way worth it.
Take care and good luck
Wow, I really love your urge defence, thank you for charing it. I will try it myself next time I get an urge.
Much love brother - try it; it works wonders!
Glad to see you found a filter that actually does the job
Thanks for sharing brother. That sounds like a great strategy but for some reason I feel lazy to do all these steps, specially if I do them everyday. In the end if we want to end the urges we have to find all sort of ways to defeate them. I will try my best to copy your strategy and make it a part of my life. Btw, do you meditate ? Meditation is great I’ve tried it a couple of times but laziness comes up and I stop doing it for a while. (Try headspace if interested).
Thanks a bunch
Thanks for the suggestion brother. I use lock me out. Same deal, get the paid app and you can lock specific apps. I also use a safe browser just in case I need the browser for something (I set a random password, since I cant hold my on). So I don’t lock the safe browser but I do lock any other browser and app that I might use for relpasing.
P. S. The lock me out app can lock your phone for a specific time and you can also set a specific time to lock your phone.
Hope this helps.
Sharing code: 16712f
The daily prevention only takes me about 5-10 minutes, while the urge defence is less than 60 seconds per urge. The longest part was writing the letter and list.
It seems much longer than it actually is when I explain it. Considering I used to spend all day ‘fighting’ the urges, it’s definitely time saved. But yeah brother, find a strategy that works for you. It’s your choice.
Nah, I don’t meditate myself.
I also use headspace. It AWSOME even if you donno the basics of meditation. They teach you how to do it.
And that guy’s sound is so soothing.
@gunsblazing when you do normally meditate bro.?
Am saving this write up bro.
I used something similar to this today to fight against my urges.
AND IT REALLY WORKED.
@Aragorn That’s INCREDIBLE news! I’m very glad to hear that - I pray it helps you succeed in your journey.
you are good at heart u are the best