Skywalker's logs

Diary
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Hello there,

My username on this site is Skywalker, after Anakin Skywalker from the Star Wars franchise. Just like him, I am in a battle to defeat the darkness of PMO in me, with help from God.
Never give up, never despair and keep fighting always.
Anything for my Padme :heart:

You can kill me, but you will never destroy me. It takes strength to resist the dark side. Only the weak embrace it.

bg

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Day 0

:x: relapsed
:x: read EasyPeasy and take notes
:x: read a nofap article
:white_check_mark: write at least one chapter (creative writing)
:white_check_mark: workout
:white_check_mark: sleep by 12

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All the best buddy !!!

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Day x

Not counting the days yet. I know from experience that that brings more harm for me than good. I’ll post my update on the day number when I reach day 21.
@anon87955785 thanks a lot :heart: appreicate your support

:white_check_mark: Staying strong

:white_check_mark: read EasyPeasy and

take notes

Chapter 1: Introduction

  • It is a common misconception that porn addicts choose to watch porn. They don’t choose to watch it anymore than a random person chooses to become an alcoholic or a drug addict. I identify as a porn addict now, it is the bitter truth and I have to face it. The good news is that I am young and that the brain is plastic (it can change over time) and that God is good. I was a user of porn. I am now an ex-user and soon to be an ex-addict.

  • No one ever needed porn to cope with stress or tough times in life before they got hooked. People who never watched porn look at porn addicts the same way as people who never smoked look at smokers. I’ve never had a huge urge to smoke so much that I cannot go without a smoke (never smoked in my life). My goal is to rewire my mind so that it gets back to what it was before porn.

  • What stops many from quitting is fear. For me, this fear is that I will somehow miss on porn clips. That I will not have any more fun porn things to watch. That others may still be watching porn but not me. That I am entitled to porn. That the more women I experience, even virtually, the better. I don’t even know why I think these things. This is not me. This is the evil fleshy part of me, that I seek to kill, so that I may live wholly by my spirit.
    Romans 8:13- For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

  • All these fears are not caused due to leaving porn. They are caused by porn. It is NOT true that “once an addict, always an addict.”

  • Quitting porn is easy and enjoyable. It is as if you stop deciding to eat a poison simply because you recognize that it is a poison and that it is not going to help you.

  • There is nothing to lose from quitting porn.

:white_check_mark: read a good article
How to Quit Porn For Good | The Art of Manliness

Keynotes

  • What is rebooting?
    “By avoiding artificial sexual stimulation you are shutting down and restarting the brain, restoring it to its original factory settings.”

  • What is rewiring?
    A strong reward circuit in the brain that associates porn with certain cues. For example, for me, closing the door to my room or looking at a picture of a hot girl are two cues I know lead to porn. I will rewire my brain to associate these cues with something else.

  1. When I close my room door, it will only be for calls or something that cannot be interrupted. I will associate closed doors with intense productivity.
  2. When I see a picture of a hot woman, I will instead pray for my future spouse. I will associate triggering images with praying for her instead.
  3. I am taking a break from gaming this week and maybe the next, but after that, the next time I am bored, I will play video games and not watch porn. Because I am not the kind of guy that watches porn.

  • Once you understand the science behind porn use, you can see it for what it really is: sexual junk food. You don’t give your bag of potato chips a menacing aura of power. They’re just potato chips. If you want to quit eating potato chips, you learn about the different ways carbs vs. protein and veggies affects your body, you throw away your potato chips, you quit going down the potato chip aisle in the grocery store, and you choose the celery stick at the party. Try doing the same thing with internet pornography.

  • If you look at porn on a regular basis, you need to accept the fact that you’re the kind of guy who looks at porn. And then work on being the kind of guy who does not look at porn. Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation. You’re not doomed to being “that guy who looks at porn” for the rest of your life. It just means you see the situation for what it is so you can start making proactive changes.

  • Instead of trying to “beat” the “addiction,” a more helpful goal is to simply become the kind of guy who doesn’t look at porn. I know. Easier said than done. But think about it this way: if you see yourself as a guy who has to try really, really hard not to look at porn, instead of as a guy who just doesn’t look at porn because he’s got other interests, you’re in for a real slog through life. Fake it until you make it.

:white_check_mark: write at least one chapter (creative writing)

:x: workout

  • I had severe DOMS on my legs and arms. That was why I did not workout

:white_check_mark: sleep by 12

Also I’m temporarily fasting from dinner. For a week or so.

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Day 17

Not yet day 21. But yeah. I decided to update here since I’m facing quite moderate urges. Would be much more severe, I think, if I had an opportunity to PMO. But since I moved out of home and in my new place I don’t get an opportunity easily to PMO, plus I am fighting it, I find it a bit easier. Pangs are still there now and then, but nothing more. My day is busy interacting with people and doing work. So it’s fun.

:white_check_mark: Staying strong

:white_check_mark: read EasyPeasy and

take notes

Chapter 2: The Easy Method

  • The most important thing to get rid of is the notion that PMO is giving me something that I need. It is true that I am feeling pangs right now and I think about how pleasurable it would be to see some ■■■■. Even now I have that issue. But the thing is- this is like how heroin users feel when they are craving heroin. But people who don’t use heroin don’t even have this pang. They can never understand why someone would willfully inflict themselves with pain and addiction to an illegal drug. The same thing is for PMO. My aim is to get back to my old stage where I don’t even get the pangs.
  • The real question is, why do we want or need to do PMO?
  • The beautiful truth is that all ■■■■ does absolutely nothing for you whatsoever. Be sure to be clear, it’s not that the disadvantages of being a user outweigh the advantages, it’s that there are zero advantages to looking at pornography.
  • Many users believe that life will be harder and less enjoyable without ■■■■. That other’s using ■■■■ will get more pleasure. But actually, the opposite is true.

:white_check_mark: read a good article
Neural Plasticity: 4 Steps to Change Your Brain & Habits (authenticityassociates.com)

Keynotes

Why I read this article was because I was worried that the old neural pathways in my brain could never be removed and that I would always have a dangerous pathway that would lead to ■■■■.
This article gives a good example to illustrate neural pathways, which I will elaborate:
Forest pathway

  1. Imagine two pathways in a forest. One is very much well used. People and animals use it every day and it is downtrodden. The trees and cleared from it and it is well maintained with tar and paint and even cars use it. It is very easy to use this path.
  2. Imagine another path that is very rarely used. It is full of overgrown trees and bushes and plants and other flora. It is very hard to go through this pathway if you go at all.
  3. Imagine that for some reason, the unused pathway becomes of importance now, and the before used pathway becomes useless. Perhaps the town at the end of the formerly used pathway became empty but the formerly unused path leads to a new busy town.
  4. Naturally, with time, the formerly unusable path now becomes usable. People clear the trees and add roads and make sure it is clean and well maintained and very easy to use. But the old pathway is abandoned. Trees and plants grow back. The road cracks and breaks up.

That is how the brain is. When I teach my brain a new pathway of normal life and sex and not PMO, the brain stops using the old neural pathway and goes to the new one. Eventually, like in the example, I like to imagine that one day my old pathway is so full of trees and plants that it becomes unusable. That is the power of neuroplasticity.

:white_check_mark: write at least one chapter (creative writing)

:x: workout

  • I have to join the gym here in my new college. But they only let students join after a month, so I have to wait. But I did play basketball matches so that was tiring.

:white_check_mark: sleep by 12