My name is Shrey. I am 29 and have been addicted to PMO since age of 14. It started as a fun activity once in 2-3 days to staying up late till 1.00 AM consumig all pornographic energies to recently being slave to lust by punishing myself with 7 to 8 times of masturbation in matter of 12 hours. The latter drains me like anything.
The turning point of my life was 2.5 years back when I deleted 300GB of porn collected over 6 years. I started my nofap journey last year in April 2020, completed 100days streak and again fell to temptation of lust and became slave to PMO. Now I am trying to bounce back and using different approach to make myself a better person.
I will write my thoughts, success, learnings here. I am positive and know that it is possible for me to completely diverge any erotic thoughts that may lead to loss of sexual energy.
Couldn’t sleep at night till 1 AM. May be due to fruit fast. But still was energetic enough to do 65 pushup and 100 situps. Such is energy of sexual transmutation.
One thing I learned after reading autobiography of mahatma Gandhi is that it is difficult to control bodily sexual urges without fasting. I have been doing fasting monthly twice in order to control my other physical urges. Now I do weekly once fast. The will developed in controlling your hunger is also transmitted to will to control one’s carnal desires.
By that ,do you mean that inorder to control sexual tension,you gotta do fasting at least once in a week??
there is no hard and fast rule on how much one should fast. The idea is to start training the mind to control the natural urges. The will developed in fasting will have spillover effect for you to control sexual urges.
Start small, may be once a month with intention to observe all feelings. Then you can level up slowly to even a level of no food and water for 24 hrs. Fasting is something that has helped me. Try and see if you feel any better.
Day didn’t go well. Kind of wasted my entire day.
Did 193 squats, 10 mins meditation, loond heart to heart talk with close friend, did not relapse even after shitty day. (frequently checked posts here)
Thinking too much about Career, did not study for MBA exam, was confused whole day regarding what I am doing in life, weather to leave job or not, should I go with my heart to try my business ideas, uncertainty due to pandemic.
Day 10 after long time:
What made day best:
3 meditation sessions
6.5 hrs study
Urges did kick in but after recognizing them changes the thought immediately.
Day 18 after long time. What I achieved in last 18 days:
- Ability to do 200 nonstop squats.
- Finished 3 business online course.
- 4 min record Plank hold
- 100 non stop situps
- 30 hrs study
- Daily 10 minutes meditation twice.
How I am celebrating:
- Ordered food, no cooking today
- Grooving to “hey jude” by beatles
- Watched movie, relaxed full day.
Ready to keep the grind to shine. Content now. I am better, I am not a lusty person who can give himself for temptation of lust. I am control my senses rathar other way. I am man with resolute will and conviction.
Fasting day, but still did 188 squats and Plank Workout (will achieve 5mins Plank hold this month). 6hrs study.
Remember, everyday is new day. I have fell from 100 days streak and returned to old ways. I know no matter how many streak I may do it won’t matter unless I change the way I see life and my relation to opposite sex.
There is an underlying need that is not being fulfilled which makes me relapse. What is it? May be it’s loneliness…or may be it’s lack of purpose… need to think over root cause soon.
Couldn’t be better day. Achieved my goal of 300 nonstop squats. This year I thought before I turn 30 next year I should be able to do 300 nonstop squats. And here I am.
I did had an edging issue yesterday but reminded myself that I have come to 30 days. I am not going to masturbate seeing someone on screen. Nothing can be worse than that. If i don’t have a partner then be it, I will face the reality but not jerk off.
Every second from now will be a record breaking moment for my this year streak.
Just need to keep my focus on my goals and keep working.
If I do what is easy my life will become hard.
Take care champ.