Sexual rejection, psychologically inducted ED + PMO

Hi champs, i am looking for an advice / possibly someone with similar experience. I started with sex late, PMO was first. As i was born at the end of 1970s, porn was not so available. But, got merried 15y ago, used to have sex daily, that after couple months weekly, 7y ago even bi-weekly, 5y ago monthly, and last 2 years i am living with my wife as a roommate. She exchanged having sex by drinking, or said crap like “keep it for later” / “keep it for tomorrow”. Of course did not happen on the day after. Even if it finally happened, she had to go for smoke right before, postponing / delaying it as much as possible. This developed my psychogenic ED and turned me to PMO over years. I am in my 40s, nobody to get laid with. Tried cialis 20g but when it gets to a possible encounter w/woman, stress overwhelms me, performance anxiety strikes me and i am doomed (cialis does not work). My brain is completely rewired from pleasure + arousal into fight-or-fly mode with a woman. Recovery is possible with a partner (female only for me) who would follow the threatment with me called SENSATE FOCUS. This is all according to a sexuologist simple and almost 100% successful threatment. I wonder if anyone here might have simlar story or might know if nofap for some time could help me in this situation… Thx


I’m sorry to hear about your struggle. I have dealt with similar sexual rejection in marriage, though not nearly to your extent, but I do have some advice.

First of all, I was a little concerned to read this:

So far as I am aware, that is not how recovery works. Recovery is about fixing you.
Yes, we all need help along the way, but the key is to not replace one dependency with another.

If you don’t mind sharing, are you still together with your wife? If so, I strongly encourage seeing a marriage counselor together. That helped me in my relationship a lot.

One more thought: I realize that I have limited understanding of your situation, only based on what you posted. But, based on that, my prescription for you is a personal cleanse.
Get PMO and sex cravings out of your life. Fill your life with wholesome things. That is priority.
Resolving ED is a secondary problem (which I think will mostly be resolved by focusing on the first two).

Anyways, those are my thoughts. You came to the right place to get help in finding recovery, and welcome to Rewire! Best of luck on your journey :+1:

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Thank you mate for the words of understanding and motivation. I see the substantial part of my problem being PMO, which is why i am “here”. 7days are fine, tried 12 in the past with kinda success. Kinda = got high and then did not care… Regarding the need of a partner for the curement of my brain is ment for the rewiring from fight-or-fly (stress, hight pressure, heavy hartbeat, etc.) into arrousal and all the positive feelings when with a woman. Even cialis 20mg did not help because of the stress. That part of rewiring needs a partner and follow the sensate focus technique. I see my problem in 2 rewirings - PMO and SENSATE FOCUS. Either both, or none. So, i decided one of these two fights to start 2 days ago. Yes, still married, living " together". Marriage counsellor option is pointless, as even when our relationship was not beyond the point of no return, wife rejected it. And now - i no longer care about relationship and hew and vice versa… :frowning:

My 5th day. No urges. No boner during the day. Had the morning wood, but nothing serious to overcome. A look at a nice chick in spandex-like ellastic leggings and tight t-shirt does not turn me on. Why is this happening? I really find slim / fitness chicks attractive, but long time, they dont turn me on in rral life. I did not watch porn on daily basis. Same with fapping. Anyone has similar experience?

P.S. i have nobody to have sex with. Curfew, partial lockdown, no place to meet girls and my merriage is only cohabitating the house w/wife and my daughter. I start to think of my condition as a sexual drive burn-out syndrome + permanent psychological ED… Being 42 having my sex life over…

Our relationship is now already beyond point of no return. Even prior that point she refused to participate in any counselling. In reality, i pay all the bills, she is at home, homeschooling kid, manipulating her against me and my family. I would have absolutely no bad feeling getting laid with any chick. I refuse prostitutes (too risky in medical terms for me). I need a mental cure / treatment by sensate focus with a lady and on top of that / in parallel to that NOFAP / no PMO as i used to fap like 1-2/week and watch porn like every 3weeks / once per month. That has to go… That is why i am here, looking for people of my age, see if they have such psychoED from long term rejection in their marriage…

If this is all that you are looking for then personally I can’t help you. Hopefully there are some other rewire users with similar experience who can offer support.

I am going to quote some of @PrDr 's post because I think it needs extra emphasis. He hit the nail right on the head:

I strongly encourage you to take the idea of “rewiring” to heart. Forgot about ED. Forget about looking for sex. Cleanse the inner vessel first, and free your mind from sexual cravings.

You also have a lot of negative things to say about your wife. Nobody is perfect, so there is probably at least a little truth to what you have said, but do your best to improve yourself. Buy some flowers. Do some extra chores around the house. Speak with more kindness.
No matter how good or bad of a person your wife is, you can’t change her. But what you can do, and should, and must, is to be loyal to her, and to become the best version of yourself that you can be.

Again, please focus cleansing yourself first, and not through sex.
If you are still determined with your plan, I wish you speedy recovery and hope things improve for you.
If you would like to consider some of the other suggestions given in this thread, I can recommend some great books and other sources for you.

Best of luck on your journey :+1:


Dont be slave of your desires. Make desires your slave. The biggest battle is the battle with yourself. Win your own war, & u will see yours nears & dears are changing according to your comfort.
First of all, take command of yourself. Rest of all will adjust accordingly.


Self control is the key here. Thank you for the motivation!

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