I want to ask how do you guys deal with your stream of thoughts when you are imagining having sex with a girl ( most probably the girl you text, talk regularly, your crush, beautiful girl you can’t get your eyes off) - this is the reason I relapse because then I’m not conscious, just compulsive to Masturbate.
I’m really struggling to study because I don’t jerk cz of nofap and so the frequency of such thoughts is eventually on the rise day by day.
How do you guys deal with this if ever that happens with you too?
Thanking You in Anticipation
sounds to me like you have a low streak, because what you’re describing is actually called “withdrawal” in rehabilitation circles. Your body isn’t used to going for a long time without porn, and so cravings will result.
I’ve been listening to this guy named Craig Perra, a former porn addict turned life coach, and he said that when his clients follow his “Fundamental Five”, they don’t feel cravings.
The Fundamental Five are as follows:
- Proper nutrition
- Staying hydrated
- Getting enough sleep
- Exercise regularly
- And meditation
I honestly don’t do most of those things, but I it’s worth a shot. According to Perra, no one who relapsed was doing all those 5 things. I’m about to go to the gym right now.
thank you for your inputs & the info
I’m on day 9, want to hit 90
I’ll try to incorporate these 5 things to go easy on my journey
Thanks a lot
Delete all social media and stop texting her and do something you enjoy… Simple but effective
By the way, in regard to the woman issue (I forgot to touch on that):
I haven’t dated in over 3 years. I’m saying that to brag, but I find that once you understand women, rather than simply fantasizing about them exclusively, then you won’t put that much energy into thinking about them.
Sure, women make a guy feel good (too good, in our case), but the best way to not have women on your mind is to remember that they too are human, and as a consequence, they have flaws just like anyone else.
Picture the guy who gets nagged by his wife, or the guy who’s putting on extra weight because he has kids to feed. They probably had the same fantasies that we had, and then reality came knocking.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t deal with women, but if you focus more on reality rather than fantasy, you won’t pedestalize them much in the future.
I watched a video on YouTube entitled “Stardusk compilation.” After I heard the whole 6 hours, I never looked at women the same way.
But that’s just an opinion. Remember, women have flaws. Go on Google and type in “Pornstars without makeup”. Or “Celebrities without makeup”. Or lookup #MeToo, Duke Lacrosse, Mattress Girl.
This isn’t to scare you, but it is to remind you that women aren’t angels. Viewing them as people with the capacity of being flawed, and then mind over matter will take it’s course.
This is ALL optional, but the key is to see women as people, not as a fantasy. Hope this helps.
correct, I should stop texting her, the feelings would fade away then
thank you again for your reply,
so basically, I’m just objectifying women as sex objects even when I know that’s wrong since they are humans too, sex comes out of love, and my brain is simply being hijacked by testosterone which is compelling it to view every female as an object of pleasure. (plus the years of porn clips in my head adds on the spice to this too, making me harder to not objectify)
also as i’ve never had sex in my life, so the idea of sex that’s been sold in porn as the pinnacle of happiness is also in my head,
so all this is what I need to deal with,
I think all this is gonna take conscious effort regularly.
and what’s that stardusk compilation about??
Watch mensutra’s videoes how to stop chasing girls. Thanks me later
yes i saw that a year ago or so
i should probably watch it again
Why don’t you ask her out? Spend time with her and in the course of time, you know, consummate your relationship.
If you stop texting her, rest assured, it’s a sayonara from her as well.
Don’t get into the trap of MGTOU’s and incels. You don’t have to be a mangina either.
ASK HER OUT!
pm me her number.
One thing that I’m currently working on is trying to develop my own sense of identity. One thing that plagued me during my porn years was not knowing who I am, or finding things that I enjoy.
As for the Stardusk thing, it was just a wake up call to remind me that women are people, not angels. It’s just an occasional reminder that I must never associate fantasies with the real world, or project them onto it.
That’s the reason porn is so appealing, in my experience.
why do you have to go after the girl I’m talking to?
there are 3.5 billion other girls out there
go after them
apart from this, thanks for the advice
yes yes, projecting fantasies in the real world is what I try to do which never happens actually, a failed try!!
i think of projecting porn fantasies in real life
i should stop living in my head
thanks a lot man!!
You know, I forgot to add earlier:
In regards to that girl, if you do wish to date her in the future (or if you are right now), make sure that you ask yourself a very important question: “Am I rewired enough to take on the responsibility of a committed relationship?”
I’m no dating expert, in fact, I haven’t dated since 2015, and I don’t plan to in the future. In any case, I’ve spoken to some men on this forum who are married, and their fighting for their marriage not to end up in divorce, because their addiction got the best of them.
Not to put anyone down, but a lot of guys tell themselves that their addiction won’t be an issue in their relationship (and many men don’t even admit they’re addicted), while other men believe that if they get into a relationship - specifically a sexual one - they’ll have so much sex they’ll forget about porn due to having a relationship.
I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir, but both notions are obviously false. Still, you owe it to yourself to know that your addiction is under control FIRST, otherwise, you may end up jeopardizing any chances you may have to form a relationship.
Since I mentioned having realistic expectations towards women, something I myself struggled with, I say you should date her if you get the chance, once you’re sure you’re ready of course. However, I suggest that if you ate or spend time with her, that you do so in a non-sexual context for some time.
That way, you’ll be able to experience what a real woman is like, with all the flaws. This isn’t me being a male-feminist or anything like that; in fact, I’ve found that a pretty face is often used to overlook lots of baggage and behavioral issues. Some pretty girls are rude, spoiled, narcissistic, vain, petty, ill-tempered, jealous, entitled, and manipulative. The ancients spoke of women like this for ages, but that wisdom has been dismissed by modern sensibilities on the grounds of misogyny.
I’m NOT saying this girl you like is any of those things, but I and many guys have fallen for girls with horrible personalities simply because they were good looking. If you spend time with her and learn what type of person she is with the correct mindset, then you’ll have more clarity. If she IS a good person, then your attraction will be a genuine one, because you would have seen enough to know that - looks aside - she has other attractive qualities to fall back on.
It’s your choice in the end, but - to respond to Gabriel’s comment - sex is the least important thing. People who rush to lose their virginity not only regret it later, but they also have a harder time bonding with people later. Besides, girls who give it up to quickly will lose your respect quickly. Trust me, it happens.
Still, you’re the captain of your own ship, so I’m sure you’ll make the right choice.
thanks a lot for putting in the time and effort, i really appreciate it
I think you are right, I shouldn’t rush to lose my virginity and focus on forming real relationships first.
I’ll again read your comment in a while
yes I’m no misogynist either
thanks a lot
looking forward to your detailed view…
Keep in mind you will sexually fantasize about girls. Wether it be a cute girl in your class to your girlfriend, sex and sexual fantasies will come. They’re natural. But you need to be in control. I like the suggestions made. Exercise, meditate, eat right, and so on. What these will do is help you stay grounded in reality. Don’t be scared by these fantasies. Just do not under any circumstances act them out. Hang in there brother!
thanks a lot mate!!