One thing i have experienced is as my pmo free days increase from day 4 onwards, i start getting the urge more intensely and then i think more about not seeing ■■■■ or jerking off, which inturn creates more mental pressure which in turn leads to more intense urge and this becomes a positive feedback loop which keeps on mounting. In between the urges you add more blocks on the internet which only steepens the curve of urges and the want to get a release.
So i was reading “subtle art of not giving a fuck” by mark manson. He calls it a feedback loop from hell.
He says, “Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure.”
Which reminds me of buddhas saying that pain is an inseprable part of life. Acceptance of pain and emotions attached with it and not avoiding is tough,but important. Overall, what he means that you’ll feel pain and you don’t have to escape the feeling of pain, you just have to not give a fuck about it, just let it be and accept that yes there it is and i am suffering and feeling it very much. Only then would we be able to truly get over it a.k.a vipasna meditation, a form of which is available on this app.
So this time, in this streak, i have decided that I’ll not block or restrict any wesite. Be it pmo or reading comics, which i really love in an unhealthy way.
I’m at peace with myself regarding mansterbation but when it starts having ■■■■, i become compulsive. Same with comics. But i need discipline now. So whenever i feel urge this time, I’d NOT AVOID IT. I’d feel the sensation. From my past experience of trying this, it feels like a small continuous contractile feeling nsar around my prostate. I’ll focus more on it. I’ll try limit mansterbation but i know the science behind addiction so would not avoid it but also not overdo it. If it’s in natural terms, without peeping, i don’t mind it. Relapse, I’d be considering involvement of pornographic material, with or without mansterbation.
As I’ll keep reading the book, I’ll post my interpretation here. Not daily, whenever i feel like.
This is an experiment of me with myself, not my final mantra for life.
Your comments and suggestions are welcome.
My 3 step technique-
1-DONT CRIMINALISE URGES AND MASTRUBATION
2-When urge arises, OBSERVE IT
3-DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT
It is a new approach for me too and still under development.
So when i look back after relapsing of 5 days of using it, i discovered these steps are to be done in the order mentioned. I was skipping step 2 and trying to jump directly to step 3. Means in the hurry to not give inattention to my urge, i failed to observe it first. This makes sence, as observing it leads to actualization of acceptance of it. Denying the urge and fighting it to not ejaculate/or do another compulsive behavior comes from not observing your urges, how they make you feel inside. For me it’s pelvic spasm of muscles. For some it’s erection. Yet for others its that sweet feeling lingering inside us.
Will be more vigilant to observe my emotions better.
☆everything would be written in first person from now on
I was thinking about my step 2, being observant about the urge…I came to realize an update of my technique after reading and doing vipasana meditation…
Steps-
1- DONT CRIMINALISE URGES AND MASTRUBATION, ACCEPT IT
1.5- BEING AWARE OF THE URGE
2- When urge arises, OBSERVE IT
3- DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT
now, Why step 1.5?
cause i have to notice the urge right at it’s onset
Cause by the time my urge progresses beyond my active attention, my concious mind is too much involved in the lust generated. It takes over my logical sence and intentions to peek and ehaculate starts bubbling.
Bringing it back or avoiding peeking/urge becomes a game of willpower (which i don’t like at all, as it is proven many times in psychology, the will power is limited).
If i cross the willpower thresholds, it starts consuming attention from the other more important aspects of life, compromising quality of my life. I am not considering to resist my urges at the cost of balance cause then i end up wasting lot of time just trying to resist. The victory thus achieved is not at all satisfactory for me.
now, HOW to do step 1.5?
Still thinking about it, but one step i realised is identify the trigger
To be clear, the trigger i mean here are the factors which are present BEFORE the urge arises(I’ll call them TRIGGER FERTILIZERS) and not after it arises(like peeking etc,).
My TRIGGER FERTILIZERS are-
1-being alone in home
2-evening time. Most of my relapses occur between 4:30pm to 8:30pm
3-studying when i am not feeling like(but i don’t have an option to not study)
4-FEELING BORED
5-taking cellphone/tablet to toilet/bathroom
6-not able to sleep at night after lying down
7-after procrastinating a lot of time on youtube
8-feeling guilt after not being productive the whole day
I’ll keep adding to list of TRIGGER FERTILIZERS as i notice. Please comment yours, we all must be sharing a lot of them.
I’m not rightaway jumping to finding activities to cope when i notice trigger fertikizers, as that would result counterproductive.
It’d be an attempt to resist an impending urge, again focusing my attention on avoiding/running away from/controlling it, which i won’t.
It’s a natural need i have which i can not fullfill right now. Urge must not be criminalised.
Instead, my action plan would be-
1st- become aware of the TRIGGER FERTILIZERS peacefully as they arise. Just noticing them that the apt conditions have come. And getting back to work. No anticipation of upcoming urge. Its fine if it arises. If it doesn’t, I’ll continue studying.
2nd- now when the urge arises, i am ready and will notice it’s inception. Now i won’t be flown away with it. I’ll just observe it flow through me, I’ll experience it’s beauty. I’ll focus on my body parts, specifically the pelvic musckes and prostate area, where i feel that beautiful tension developing and relaxing after some time as the urge flows away, making me feel more fulfilled, confident and at peace with my biology.
I want to make this method willpower independent, stress free and relaxing experience. Instead of feeling drained of energy, i want my urges to propel me to better acceptance of my own self.
Great insight about the trigger fertilizer. I suggest you may find a way to tackle each of the trigger fertilizer, e.g. go outside to take a walk or study at cafe when you’re alone at home. Then you’ll be less prone to triggers
