Seeing Women as Objects

When I see a women I tend to automatically objectify her body, meaning, I instantly see and think about body parts rather than thinking about her as a human being with a personality who deserves to be treated with respect. How do you train yourself to not immediately objectify women and judge them based on their appearance? And by judge here, I just mean, you think she’s a 10 or a 6, etc. Thanks!

5 Likes

Takes time and practice. The longer you are on nofap the easier it gets. When you find yourself about to do this you have to change your thought pattern. When i see an attractive woman and i begin to lust, i repeat over and over in my head. I will not lust, i will not covet. Over and over. It brings me to a better place. Eventually you wont do it all the time. Being men though its a constant control/ respect factor that you have to build. Im just about to hit 6 months. Ive made a ton of progress. But you have to keep at it.

7 Likes

I usually say, “yeah? so what? women are hot, get over it already”
But I like @PatrickJ’s approach, not something I’ve practiced in a long time.

Similarly, in the recent past, I practiced with anybody I see in the street (though not attractive females) saying “I love you” and developing an imagination for them and their trials and tribulations in life.

It’s been an extremely good practice and good things have come of it.

4 Likes

I think the correct way is to actually being around womans more often instead of avoid them.
In time you will understand we are jus people, just like you.

3 Likes

I don’t know what day you’re on, but I presume that you’re at an initial stage. That’s a very good question though. Simple answer is it takes time. It’s been years of consuming P, years of watching them nad on screen. So it is not easy to make your mind to not think the way you were during the past years.
For me it took about a reboot (90 days ) to get back to normal. Now I don’t get any porn thoughts. Thoughts you might encounter , like instantly imagining her in your mind na
d, no not anymore. I’m at day 263 Life is good now. Although I cannot ignore the fact that I still checkout girls, not in the traditional way, but appreciate the beauty. If I see any pretty girl I don’t get any wrong thoughts but only genuine feeling.
So don’t worry and get a long streak, focus on completing reboot.

3 Likes

Thank you for this question, @SantosGuerrero! I’m so glad to see you and others making the connection between quitting PMO and treating women as human beings. They go hand in hand. The more men and others who are addicted to PMO actually humanize women, likely the less they will want to watch porn because typically porn dehumanizes women. It also dehumanizes men in a different way, making men believe this is the way they should behave in order to define themselves as men.

I would recommend, if you haven’t already, practicing mind training, as other folks have mentioned here. My suggestion is to try meditation or other mindful practices. When you learn to observe the mind with the mind, rather than allowing yourself to be controlled by the habitual mind all the time, you will begin to learn and understand your own habitual thought and behavior patterns. It can be difficult, but like folks here have said, when you see a women, try thinking of her as more than her parts. She is probably also someone who works a job, who is a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend, someone who has her own life and interests. Maybe she has a garden at home, or she likes to paint. Maybe she is a musician or a writer. Maybe she is a construction worker, or a lawyer. Does she drive a car or ride a bike? What was she like when she was a child? Etc. You can get really creative in just contemplating the fullness of one person’s life! This can not only humanize a person in your mind but also distract you from your habitual pattern of just thinking of someone sexually.

I think too, eventually, like @KateSista said, you will want to spend more time with women because this will give you more opportunities to practice mind training. Once you have a habit of looking at a women as an individual and a human being, you might start engaging someone in a conversation about a mutual interest. For example, today I spoke with a woman I work with. I talk with her most days I work, usually about family, travel, politics, etc. I thought, “I’d like to get to know this person better” without any thoughts of “I want to date her” or anything like that. I am open to that possibility, but I am not putting any expectations on this. Then I got scared because I thought, “Oh no, what if she thinks I’m trying to get her to date me and she doesn’t want to?” But then I thought, “Well, let’s just see what happens.” So, I asked if she wanted to hang out, and she said yes! So we are going to ride bikes together soon. And I am prepared for it to just be that, just riding bikes and nothing more. If anything else comes from that, like a closer friendship or romance, that’s great! If not, that is ok too.

Anyway, I hope some of what I’ve said has been helpful. I do have a unique perspective on Rewire in that I am a female-to-male transsexual (born a girl, transitioned to male at 20 years old, I’m 39 now) and I identify as queer or bisexual. So I know what it’s like to be a woman and I have a strong sense of what it is like to be a man as well, but my experience is not the same as a biological man’s. Regardless, I just hope you can remember to treat each person you see as an individual and realize they have a whole life that you don’t know about. You can be curious about that! Also, investigate your thoughts and behaviors, but be very gentle with yourself. If you admonish yourself and are mean to yourself, you probably won’t want to do the mind training that needs to be done. Best of luck, @SantosGuerrero, and thank you so much for this question. By asking, you have already begun to challenge your habit.

:v:
MJ2019
vmv95f

1 Like