Nope it was lust lol. My eyes wondered. I admire and adore some women and thats good but I kept looking at women that I found sexually attractive and I don’t want that.
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Morning of Day 34 - Troubling times brothers. Had insomnia all night because of urges. Dreams constantly filled with a sexual theme. Even after the little i did sleep I woke up with the same urges. Woke up and went on facebook to look at girls around my area that I could potentially have sex with, but then I stopped myself and weeped because I knew wher this was heading. I started looking at relapse videos people had made and it stopped me out of it. Things are tough right now, but thank God I can turn to him in midst of it.
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Very glad to see that you pulled yourself out of it, brother.
These are troubling times indeed. The withdrawal symptoms after quitting PMO can be severe. Restlessness, insomnia, headaches and more. The flesh really wants us to continue, while our spirits long to break free.
Remember to seek Him and challenge the urges directly.
You’re well on your way; 34 days is an achievement!
My prayers are with you, keep going strong.
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Yes brother. The main thing that kept me grounded was God above all. I started reading Matthew and read the verses where Jesus was tempted of Satan. Then I used the same methods Jesus used to counteract Satan by quoting the word and truth and it was like a switch. All Glory to God Again! Still I am on my most vigilance today. Thank you again for being here brother. You really are a blessing in my life. I hope I can repay you in some day one day. May God bless you.
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your body urges & feelings will be reset from Day 13.
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Day 35 - Going better. Yesterday I promise you Only by God is why I’m on this streak today. I knew that yesterday the moment I was alone I was gonna relapse. My body was literally shaking and I was so set on it. I feared so badly that once I was alone I was going to relapse, but by God’s Amazing Grace I’m still here. Today is better, the urges are gone. Thank you LORD! Thank you Jesus! Thank you Father! Thank you Holy Spirit!
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Thanks bro. So can you.
Day 36 - Lucid dream/wet dream today where I purposefully relapsed. I feel bad about it. In the dream it wasn’t with porn. It was with a girl, but still. I feel like I shouldn’t have done that, but I remember thinking “Maybe it’ll take a little tension off the urges from the day.” Idk I don’t feel like it’s a relapse, but I don’t feel like I should’ve done it. Either way I move forward. Thank God for everything.
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Don’t allow this to set you back brother. Keep moving forward.
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Day 37 - Realised that today marks 5 weeks clean. Forever more God willing. Today had another wet dream but not by choice. I’m starting to realise that I have a lot of hatred in my heart which I didn’t really know was there. Maybe not for others as much, but for myself. Thank God for everything.
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Day 40 - Didn’t write past 2 days, the days were pretty normal. I’ve learned a lot about myself these last couple of days. I’ve realised stress is probably my biggest trigger, but hey life is stressful. Thank God I’ve made it to today. I’ve been tempted a lot but he always brings me back.
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Beginning of Day 41 -
Just wanted to write these ideas down before I forget them later today.
First things first I wanted to relay this important thing I realized today. If you are on hard mode of nofap then you need to realise something. We aren’t only fighting pornography here. We’re here bringing our bodies sexuality in general under subjection. Thinking this is only a pmo battle is a fault no one can ignore. Because of this addiction anytime we see something arousing our brains will automatically see porn as the way to quench the temptation. We’ve got to try to control our sexuality as a whole to really get through this. Now I know this is hard, it’s not an easy thing to ask for. But it’s just an idea I had.
Also, just the fact that I am able to feel joy now for no apparent reason is unimaginable to me. I remember my life growing up I never felt joy, I wasn’t happy. Only time I was good is when I made others happy. Now I can just sit and feel happy about life and love and all the good things of life.
Growing up in my teens I was really antisocial and anxious. I decided to look back today and I felt heartbreak over how I was because that’s no way to live. But then I felt joy and tearful because I realized I’m actually happy now and I’m getting teary eyed just typing this. You don’t know how bad it is to feel how I felt for so long unless you’ve gone through it. It’s one thing to feel alone and sad for a day, week, month, but try 10 years. I know I don’t have it as bad as others, but it doesn’t mean I didn"t have it bad. I will never quit fighting. Never. THANK YOU JESUS, SON OF GOD, FOR ALL YOU’VE DONE FOR ME. THANK YOU FATHER, GOD OF ALL. AND THANK YOU HOLY SPIRIT FOR THE WORK YOU’VE DONE IN ME.
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Really glad to hear that. Much love brother. May God bless you.
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0 Days since last relapse. I fell today after 40 days. But you know what? I’m not feeling sorry for myself. This isn’t really an addiction anymore to me. I have the will power to say no now, and I know that those 40 days did a lot of good. The reasons I fell are so clear to me that I have confidence it’ll never happen again. It was a choice to fall honestly, but after having done it I kinda snapped back into reality and realized I made a mistake.
I don’t believe that the number really matters most in the long run. I think if you can stay away from porn for 10, 20, 40 etc. days then you’re already making progress. So while my counter will say 0 right after this post; I am not at the stage i was 40 days ago. It was a one time things, I’m sorry if I disappointed anyone. But I will get right back up today. I’m tackling the things I wanted to do still today. Not tommorow. The Journey continues, but the number doesn’t. The most discouraging thing is the number to me. It’s gonna be a while before I make that number big again, but like I said the number isn’t the biggest factor here. Recovery is.
God blessed me enough to take me this far and he’s not gonna just give up on me now. Thank you God for your forgiveness and grace.
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Failing once in 40 days or 90 days is way better than failing everyday. And yes don’t let numbers get into your head , you already have the energy and will power from those 40 days ,use it and go beyond 
godspeed brother
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Bro … if you really want to get rid of pmo then do nofap properly … cause there’s a loop of doing some nofap then relapse where many fapstronaut stuck in that loop … they are not achieving 90 days streak … they are just wasting their lots of time like doing 5 days nofap then relapse … doing 6 days nofap then relapse … not achieving 90 days properly … dont be like this … Decide your purpose first properly " why you want to get rid of pmo " or " why you want to do nofap " then remember this purpose whenever the addicted sick mind try to trick you to make you do pmo … always remember your purpose " why started nofap "
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Thanks bro. Hope to see you on recover fully soon. @tuku
@drago08 I agree 90 is the goal. I will be stronger next time and go the full distance. Thanks bro for your tough love.
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Day 2
And here I am again. Lonely feeling. Depression again. God, why did I do it? I did it because I’m broken. I used it as a coping mechanism for so many years. I don’t think pmo is the underlying issue anymore, but it definitely causes deep feelings of sadness and anguish. Take it from me. It is NEVER worth it. I will never do this again.
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