Day 28 morning - The urge got bigger last night. I wouldn’t say I was super close to relapsing but I definatley could’ve seen myself doing it. I decided to get off my phone, pray, read the Bible, and think. Looking back on it I think I had such a strong urge because the past couple of days have been so hectic. And the moment I was alone I just had this huge urge like the old days. I need to remember and do remember now that I am not out of the woods. 28 days, while it is good; it is not far enough to get comfortable. 28 days ago I was an addict. I need to continue fighting. Thank God he spoke to me last night and I was able to refuse the urge. Only by him am I standing today.
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Thank GOD you’re still standing tall brother.
Just a reminder - constant vigilance. Sadly, we’ve witnessed several people fall from high streaks - 100 days, 250+ days, over a year…It’s not that their urges were high, it’s that their urges had become so low that they became comfortable and thought they no longer had to work at being free.
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Yes definitely. Thank God indeed! This fighting spirit isn’t as strong as it was and I think it’s partly because I’m trying to avoid it. I’m just going to put everything down and focus on attacking this head on with God’s word in mind. God bless brother.
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Day 28 - I woke up in literal tears today after having a deep dream about loss and the struggle of life.
In short from what I remember the dream had to do with a bird. I was a bird in my dream somewhat, but in a third person sense. But the bird had struggles ever since having met another “bird” that hurt him. Looking at this other bird it wasn’t a regular one. I remember having a flashback to my first meeting with it and seeing it fly but then all of us sudden it would deteriorate in the air into a black dust and disappear then it would reappear a second later. Then I heard a voice say "that’s an inter-dimensional bird. The bird attacked me and hurt me. After waking up I could now see that this “bird” was a metaphor for Satan. The Bible says Satan goes to and fro throughout the earth tempting and destroying people’s lives. So to me this “bird” ruined my life and left me hurt for the rest of my life. Then I was with my brother and he told me something along the lines of “Your life isn’t over. You need to keep fighting everyday.” In the dream this message was so powerful because I was struggling so much in life that I had given up. I literally woke up in tears. What I took from that is I cannot stop fighting this sin, and I cannot stop fighting in life. Yes Satan hurt me at some point, but God is stronger. I am more than a conquerer through him that saved me. When I woke up I realized that had I’d relapsed last night I wouldn’t have been able to have felt that dream in such a deep and personal level.
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That was a beautiful and powerful dream brother! GOD is reaching out to you on a personal level!
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Day 29 - I’ve been more antisocial lately and I don’t really know why. I’ve had a lot more success socially this journey, but for some reason I just don’t feel like socializing. I kinda feel like I’m numb again. I know this is withdrawals; especially since my body was craving it so bad recently. You know what though? I’m glad this is happening. It’s showing real progress. It’s showing me that this addiction had such a negative effect on me that almost 30 days later I’m still dealing with it. I’m glad I kicked it. Still no major urges today, but still always vigilant. Thank you Abba for your constant grace and help. I love you God.
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Day 30 Dream - Haunting
I was being haunted. These demons were haunting me almost like an exorsist movie except I wasn’t possessed myself. The scary thing is it was exactly like my house currently in the dream with the exact situation. My dog at the moment is sleeping in a different spot then she usually does and in the dream she was there so naturally I thought it was real. It’s almost like they tried to exactly replicate my home so that I would think it was real and not a dream. Because I’m able to wakeup from dreams mostly when I know they are dreams.
A couple things that happened in the dream were me seeing demons but when I got close they’d disappear. Hearing them all over my home. The demons effected my dog, my mother, my body, and my home.
I remember waking up in the dream and thinking it was real life but the hauntings were still happening. I went to tell my mother about the hauntings happening. The demons kept playing tricks with me. Like opening the door and closing it numerous times one after another like there were thousands of doors behind eachother so as one closed another close behind and another and so on.
I remember calling out to Jesus in the dream and the demons didn’t like it. They levitated my body (or maybe spirit) off the bed and flipped me in an upside down cross. Then they threw my body and I was spinning. I’ve actually had out of body experiences before and it felt exactly like that.
I remember telling my mom about all this and her seeing the doors and being freaked out. Then I realized this wasn’t my mother. This was a demon himself tricking me. And as soon as I said that to him he smiled at me and congratulated me for figuring that out and for knowing I was still stuck in a dream.
I actually remember killing the demon that looked like my mother in a very painful way, but the demon wasn’t reacting at all. It was still speaking to me as I was breaking it’s neck as you would a hog. Then I thought “He’s not reacting because it doesn’t hurt him. I caught him in his truck and he won’t react because it is a dream and he doesn’t care anymore, but he is real.”
Then I woke up for real this time.
I really do believe these dreams are directly influenced by demons themselves. It just didn’t feel like it was my brain or consciousness speaking to me when I spoke to the demon posing as my mother.
I feel they are trying everything to mess with me now. Maybe this depression is from them. Maybe that big urge was them trying their best to make me fall. And I’m not going to lie. Recently things have gotten so bad I’ve thought i was going insane again. Only for a moment, but still. I wasn’t going to say anything because it’s all about benefits, but thinking about it now I do think they caused this. I know they did infact; they did before but worse when I was pmo’ing. After all this time of them failing they decided to try to haunt me in my dreams as a way of saying “screw you.” (Excuse my language)
Either way Thank God it was all just a dream and that I’m safe now because of him. Amen.
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Dude I have read your journey , you are on a next level , don’t give up . You are beating those urges like a champ !
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Thanks man. Appreciate that a lot. God bless you man. Let’s both keep fighting 
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I’ve said a prayer for you, brother. These are trying times.
I have heard before of the spiritual influence of these demonic entities, and experienced some myself, though to a lesser degree than you described in your dream. People have said that there are demons present on the sets where they record the videos we used to watch; demons who seek to make their ways into the viewers’ lives, and I believe that.
But thank GOD that He is our Refuge and has ultimate power over all. All the demons that trouble us have already been defeated, this is why they are bitter. They will not take us down with them.
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Yes brother these are trying times but God is faithful. Thank you for your prayers brother. But the good news is I’m 1 month clean 
God is Good!
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Beautiful progress brother!
All the time, GOD is GOOD!
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Day 31 - Today’s been better. Thanks everyone for your support.
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Day 32 - Woke up with a relapse dream. Thank God it was a dream. Today’s been stressful but I handle it and don’t resort to pmo. Lights went out, broken tv, broken glass, broken sweeper. Alot of bad things happened today, but by God I’m firmly standing thanks to Him. 
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I pray you are well brother. Good to see you’re standing firm with His Help.
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Thank you brother. All Glory to Him.
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It’s all coming together, your old life falls apart so you can build the new.
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Wow never thought of it that way. Thanks bro. You’ve given me a new perspective. 
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Day 33 - I’m catching myself looking at women lustfully and I do not like it. So far I’ve been pretty straight forward. But recently it’s been hard to not look at women. I know it’s normal but I do not want even a hint of lust in my heart. Faith wise I’m trying to be the most godly man i can be, though I know this is impossible. Idk. Porn forsure is not an option though.
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Lust is only in the genitals, what arises from the heart is pure love and divine adoration. Let it be. Pure Eros, consecrated to God.