Resist, bitch resist! đŸ’Ș

Diary
102

Don’t think like that, you know when you don’t have those videos, then it will be some other reason.

You know I had installed a blocker, since I have fast internet, so whenever I have to bypass the blocker I have to type, “I don’t have self control”, but I would swallow my pride and type that shit and disable the blocker, there were some other blockers but there too I managed to find a way to uninstall and trick the apps features watch p*. WHO ARE WE FOOLING? WE ARE KEEPING THE THING THAT DESTROYS US, AND ARE ENSLAVED TO THAT VERY THING
DESPITE KNOWING THAT ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS REMOVE IT FROM OURSELVES AND IT CAN’T DO ANYTHING TO US.

FIRST YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING THAT IF YOU DON’T HAVE THOSE VIDEOS, THEN YOUR LIFE WILL BE HORRIBLE

Anyways these types of mindsets arent gonna stop us from doing pmo.

We must think that we can control ourselves, even though it is difficult at first and many relapses may happen but still you shouldn’t change that mindset.

You know this Ramadan I thought I will be free since we have to fast, but I found myself relapsing after the maghtib time, it was just the belief mlin my mind that told me that try to abstain only during day time.

That false belief allowed me to have my fast valid and relapse at evening.

I seriously couldn’t figure out the cause and I am still strying to get my head wrapped around it.

But many of them here helped in changing my perspective and the misunderstanding that it is not just during day time that I should abstain from this but the whole month.

YOU NEED TO TAKE IT SLOW AND EASY, STEP BY STEP.

THIS ADDICTION IS A PUZZLE, YOU JUST NEED TO PUT THE NUMBERS IN THE RIGHT ORDER AND YOU ARE FREE

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103

Don’t worry these situations will be coming and going but don’t loose hope, keep fighting.

May Allah help you in succeeding through the efforts that you put.
Always believe in Allah.

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104

@luluane No you can of course you can , still engage and try to focus for your relapse not saying you can’t because you reached 54 days girl 

You did 
 no one do it to you like a favor 
noooo it’s absolutly you did by focus on sometimes (painting and your decions of deleting videos ) and sometimes our weakness learn something we can’t known if we won’t lose 
 but please please stop feel down start paint something about your feeling what ever what it is 
 but I hope something give you hope make you move up .
Don’t stop expressing and sharing here please .

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105

Thank you for your encouraging words. Well now that I relapsed I don’t have those bad urges anymore and ramadan is coming to an end very soon, it sure helped me reach 54 days but it became not longer enough. I have to get back to a normal life and paint and draw more frequently.

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106

The fight is not over trust me. I remember the day after I relapsed I was talking to my mom and I started asking her completely incoherent questions without noticing and my mom started looking at me like what the hell are you talking about and I was really embarrassed, I embarrassed my self soooo many times while talking to people because I’ve seen soooo many porn the day before. Just because I don’t have a penis it’s my brain that’s getting damaged the most from this, and I don’t want to experience that ever again

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107

Exactly @luluane you will be the fantastic one and unbelievable 
 I will be so glade to be beside each other always 

My sharing code if don’t mind : lmbhdu

Always remember that the most difficult moments are born to the birth of a life that we are deserve

108

3rd day. I swear the days last forever when you relapse, I want my super high streak again it’s soooo annoying. Also I’am officially tired of ramadan and the covid, wish they could desapear, so I could be more productive and not be afraid to go outside

109

Here is what Im doing,

The source of this method is from jordan Peterson ( clinical psychologist/psychiatrist)

Write two stories

  1. describing the scenario of how you what your life to be like in a particular timeframe ( after you have quit pmo for ever )

  2. Now describe how your life will be if you keep continuing down this path of pmo

It helps if you write them down but make sure it secure with you
Read the stories when ever urgers get too strong

Always remember, the goal is not to quit anything or run from anything. The goal is to make your life better and for that to improve we find the underlying causes of our addictions/problems and figure where in your life you can have small improvements and what needs to be reduced.

Once you know where you need to improve you can start taking baby steps by setting small achievable goals.

One technique to deal with urges and to speed up recovery is to shut down any stimulating images/thoughts/flashbacks/fantasy before you let them manifest completely
I just don’t let them hang around and immediately bombard my self with something like a song Or a video or some work or anything to do even if it’s boring. (Frustation/depression everything will try to stop you)

Convince your self to do boring shit and try to take little joy after competition of any task.

I spend most of my free time educating my self about the human psychology by listening to lectures from various professors/educators ( at least make some good used of technology).

It particular helps learning about the brain since most of the problems are up there and you can see your self as third perspective observer instead of just looking down upon your slef as if you are stuck.

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110

I mean I get that I don’t know if you read everything that I wrote but the thing that helped me the most is art and spending hours doing that (I don’t have a job currently) right now I can’t do during the day (because of ramadan) so I have quit a lot of spare time, spare time where I used to have many too many flashbacks so I’m going to resist until I can get back to my normal life

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111

I understand that doing the things you love to spend time on is difficult.
That is why I said we need to do task which are boring or might not result in immediate reward.

Your brain produces dopamine when it want’s you to repeat certain actions like ( eating food, get high/drunk, sex, etc)

And once u are done with the action your brain release chemicals like serotonin , oxytocin , vasopressin.

These are the chemicals which actually give the feeling of pleasure.

That means every time u have an urger, your brain is releasing dopamine(getting u exited for things that might lead in releasing of serotonin , oxytocin , vasopressin)

Here is the trick,

We need to train the brain from releasing excessive dopamine by flashing images from memory and balance the chemicals by re learning that fapping isn’t real success


Truth is that real success takes time and offten the things you need to do to get there are mostly boring and don’t release dopamine.

But by doing these tasks you are actually forcing your brain to re learn the meaning of success and don’t fall of the trap of fap.

Please if you are confused I insist everyone please watch this video. This is what openned my eyes to the Vulnerable brain

Let me know if you want more info

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112

Listen drawing and painting in not only enjoyable during the process but also when you’re done with your piece, you feel like you’ve been productive and didn’t waste your time

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113

May Allah make it easy for you

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114

Yes yes :rofl::rofl: exactly you feel like it’s something precious than a diamond :gem: :ring:something fresh and good deep inside .

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115

Day 5: peasant. Not the most pleasant adjective but what can I say I deserve it. Does any of you avoid pmo when you’re about to get a test result in college or you’re hoping to get a job or passing the entry exam for a college abroad? Because I used to do that in college so God won’t be mad at me and I could get good grades if I wasn’t sure about my results.

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116

:sweat_smile:yea I would, at that time I didn’t have clue that I was addicted but knew it was a sin and at that time i used to make sure not to miss any prayers as well.

See, this is us humans, when we need something, only then we turn to our Lord and he still answers our prayers despite we being ignorants at other times.

May Allah forgive us all. :cry:

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117

Yes exactly may allah forgive us and I hope we can get rid of this addiction

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118

7 dayyyys yay. I swear to God days pass soooo slowly since I relapsed. I’m incredibly bored can’t wait for Ramadan to end

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119

congratulations on going to 7days without chaser effect, I mean it seriously wow, Ma sha Allah, keep going​:v::v::fire::fire::fire:

I understand that you are not able follow your routine and low on energy, but how about using this opportunity of gaining countless rewards from Allah on laylatul qadr, (praying on this night holds the reward of praying for more than 83years)

And more importantly there is high chances of our dua getting accepted, so do dua for getting free of this addiction once and for all and go ahead with your dreams for the sake of Allah(swt)
 :smiley::muscle:

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120

I mean you know in almost 7 years of addiction the only ramadans when I relapsed were this year and 2018. But the 2015, 2016 2017 2019 and 2020 were pmo free. I noticed that because of my resistance sometimes I can spend 1 or 2 weeks sometimes 3 without pmo but I always managed to relapse either because of strong urges or because of boredom. Anyway At least I managed this year to decrease significantly my Pmo activity and did the longest strike ever so all hope is not lost.

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121

Tonight is Leyla El kadr so I deleted my file once again and I hope this times is for good

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