Ok guys I am sorry. I did exactly what I was not supposed to do and I am feeling really bad I am feeling demotivated and you know I don’t have the energy to do anything anymore seriously.
Yesterday when I was just about to go to my bed an unusual urge hit me and one part of my mind was saying don’t do this but the other part of my mind was actually controlling me and I thought to give it a try once again and I peeked on Google images. Then what happened is… I lost all my senses to viewing just one image that urge was so powerful that I got an erection and blood was flowing really in a very high speed in my penis I thought actually one part of my mind was still saying don’t do this. The other overcoming me and saying you can start this streak all over again you can have some fun this time and then start it. I started fapping and I could then also have stopped because there during the whole procedure my good part of the mind was actually stopping me but I was so confused I just kept on going. It’s not like that I did not try to stop my urge or something like that I opened this app but an ad popped up in my phone which was having inappropriate images and I lost my control installed VPN it took half a minute and I started watching p*** and while I was doing this I did not enjoy to be honest. I was in denial I kept on doing that and reached the climax finally. I lost all my energy.
I did not reset my streak that time because I did not have that energy. I was lying on my bed then what I did is I just disconnected the VPN closed my browser locked my phone and slept. In the morning when I woke up I was having a Boner. My room was closed. The doors were closed. I did it in the night and after waking up I did it again out of nowhere I will literally hearing my parents talking just next to my room but I still did not control. My bad part of the mind overcame me in such a powerful way that during this procedure I did not even stop once. I wasn’t aware of what I was doing actually.
Right now I am feeling weak really weak. I am feeling that I am a person with very weak will power and I don’t even know… I am not sure how long I can do this my one part of my mind is actually still telling me to go to that time when I used to daily masturbate. Thr good part of my mind is good always but the bad part of my mind sometimes it comes and just destroys me this is what happened twice.
This is affecting my studies very badly to be honest I am just thinking about fapping or not fapping throughout the day I don’t know when I became so weak I was having such a great motivation to not fap yesterday and then in the night I don’t know what happened and I was like…
I ought to be studying that time I ought to be studying right now and I want to study but all these thoughts are seriously distracting me I don’t want to fail. You know I am not bad at studying but how can a person actually study having such thoughts.
Please help me guys please help me please support me how can I overcome these urges overpowering me I don’t want this seriously I know it all started due to the peek. I could control it but I did not. And I don’t know why I did not. Please help me please tell me some ways that I can implement in my life so that I don’t repeat this mistake again I am sorry that I wrote this long but actually my feelings are beyond these words please help that is what the least I can say.