15 days clean following the Mark Queppet Reforged man programme, using the self mastery app and checking in daily on there. Using a specific journalling technique as much as possible i.e the metascript method involving retroactive, preemptive and responsive journalling. Which is just reviewing fails, anticipating fails and self talk to prevent failing (relapsing/pmo-ing/■■■■ binges)
Hope everyone is doing well
I’m Feeling good and recommend that everyone find a programme that works and get serious, really serious in tackling this addiction.
This was my entry last night on the self mastery app:
15 days clean
Felt more confident today, ocd seemed lessened at least earlier in the day.
Definitely pmo brings shame and that exacerbates my ocd.
Was able to offer encouragement to a friend our daily check ins are helping both of us.
If I feel tempted tomorrow as I lie in bed then I will not indulge any sexual thoughts or desires to watch p. or desires to touch self.
If perverse or negative thinking becomes unmanageable then I will get out of bed rather than ruminate.
I will not get my tablet to watch p in bed, I will stop any ■■■■ fishing immediately I catch a desire to do so or find myself starting to do it. I will reach out to my accountability partner if I’m struggling, I will read posts on here, write a preemptive and post it, read my anchor vision again.
I will choose to bounce my eyes and not ogle women, I will continue to monitor any sources of temptation on various apps and websites and take action if necessary such as blocking ads, uninstalling apps, using YouTube less etc
I will listen to podcasts addressing p addiction and continue with my reforged man course. I will use walking as a clearing action. Bit jumbled all of that but first action is to read posts on this app and reach out to acc partner.
By controlling my thoughts I literally cut this addiction off at the source.
Oddly these desires have been minimal over these last few days when I was expecting serious urges and frustration. I think I was given good advice on here that zero indulgence, a zero tolerance policy if you will makes overcoming this addiction easier. It is the little peeks and excuses we make that set us up for huge urges later on, the slippery slope.
I also listened to a recording I made weeks ago maybe more after I’d failed to remind myself that it’s not worth indulging
Thinking back to what feels like a lifetime of fails; maybe 25 years of indulgence and half hearted battling this I can honestly say pmo has done me No favours. I’ve always suffered after a relapse, I’ve never not regretted a relapse. Yes I wanted to have my cake and eat it but turns out that’s impossible. You have to make a choice; who do you want to become and what are you going to sacrifice because whatever you choose you sacrifice something.
I’d rather not sacrifice my whole life, happiness, health, relationships, time, sleep, energy and confidence for an endless series of drug induced highs and crushing lows that’s a really poor deal.