Hey, Rab! You’re doing great 
Keep going, trying an believing. I wish you nice exams next days!
Have a very good night.
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Yes yes yes 
that 's it man that’s it … that what we have when we just give ourselves action one by one you don’t know or be sure about but you have to choose to gain and 5o undersatnd …
So yes yes yes … 
Life is hard but we still have to choose … what ever good friends good environments , anything anything , we can do this …
We will explore yourself day by day …
Keep going …don’t give up for anything man .
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Day 10 going well
I’m satisfied about my life, everything but my education is going well. I’m under alot of stress, 17 hours left before my exam.
Each second U decide either to fall for the pressure , or do your best with your current mind state, emotional state, hope and believe u can survive , and then even if u fal will hurt less.
Give up or keep trying and pushing
Lose all or have slight chace to rise
Lay down or keep standing back up
Eventually I’ll learn how to walk
The thinking of the past hurts, cause I should’ve seen that comming , and should’ve prepared more, But also back then ,I had periorities and my mind was occupied , so I will try to love my self and forgive my self, that burden will just make it harder for me to move.
i’m deciding to stand do my best, and on worst case scenario take the hit, fall, and stand up again
Prey for me, this exam could cost me alot in life
If i pass with some miracle, remind me to be fucking humbel, cause being cocky is what got me into this miss
As this app said :
“I’d rather forget and not slow down, than gather regret for the things I can’t change now”
-RelientK
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I really like to read your diary, Rab. See how you’re learning each day and how you’re becoming more resilient. Tomorrow is a great day and I hope you do really well. Sure I’ll be praying for you. 
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10 days behind me, day 11
I just woke up, I’m feeling good, i finally did my exam , fingures crossed , Im heading back to dorms to make up for other courses, I’m a person that procrastinate, doesn’t move his ass untill last second ,
Advice for this month , MOVE YOUR ASS BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.
I get eriction early and late, and around some indeviduals I dont function ,get distracted and attracted alot. But we’re working on that,
The last week, I was super stressed , every minute i though of giving up on university, no fap, and everything. A friend help release that stress, beared with me, got to the exam had extra reasons to give up, but remembering going through that week, reminded me that train took off long time ago, u cant give up now, be brave calm and do it. Thanks for you friend
So guys, look at all you’ve been through , look at the streak the urges u fought and won,
Look at your work, your relationship , your education, u walked a long long way, there is no place to give up, honer the steps u walked to get here. the train of giving up, took of long ago.
Have a good day guys
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Hey, Rab! Your friend is probably very proud and happy with you. Also he’s lucky for having you at his side.
Have a great day! 
day 12 almost over…
NOTE today’s diary, Just a story, not intresting info, not for motivation purpuses
I was very stressed last weak , asked all people i know to pray for me, I asked everyone for help, prayed alot, was depressed my hair fall, i didn’t eat or sleep, I am the one to blame on this situation, but with the help of friends I reacted with the situation better than ever, didn’t punish my self, but helped my self, and asked everyone for help.
i dont know why is that !! I blame my self for stuff and i hardly forgive my self. instead i would do what ever makes me feel worst, and worst, never loved or hugged my self, didn’t like my self much, and others didn’t like me either. I guess I’m bad at communicating with people, and cant be my self around them, to avoid troubles. i have raised the white flag long ago, trying to rebuild my self, I was blamed for alot of things , thats became my normal life, that even now i blame my self for everything bad that happens to me, cause I could have did things differently and there is always this claim and its always right.
for me jerking off is a pleasure mixed with alot of sad feelings and memories , I think I may have been doing it, cause i dont believe i can be better, i dont believe i deserve to be happy, after all im not perfect, and will always have something to punish my self for. i would descripe jerking off, sometimes its great pleasure which comes with regret at the end, others i know its bad and i will regret it, and yet do it again and again and again at the same day /hour, it becomes like self torture self raping , all this is cause I might not like stuff about me, and sadly I cant change it, I fought many battles in my life I gave up and took the defeat and went with the majority, Rab is wrong & should be punished. use every chance to tell young child, that he’s wrong he’s mistaken ,and Isolate him ,over and over, don’t talk to him, pay attention or anything, leave him all alone in this world
and thats how u train a dog, “u better do your best so i like u, u better act exactly as how i’m expecting and I won’t make u re-live that torture, that loneliness, again.”
So i raised the white flag long ago, the only time someone didn’t come against me is when i lay down stop fighting and take everything comming my way…
I wrote all that, cause I’m losing control, So i asked my self why do i keep doing this to my self,and that’s what came up to my mind.
I’m not looking for sympathy, it will make me feel bad,I’m grateful for alot of things, I am indeed lucky and blessed .
decided to write this here, to get of my mind these thoughts and childhood sensitivity drama , it feels good, and it feels even better ,knowing someone will actually read it
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This is very good! I always write (I wouldn’t even consider sharing what I write) when I feel urges which make me completely hopeless.
U’r doing great, you are on day 12, and that’s your highest streak ever
I too blame myself for many things and also get blamed for many things by my parents. I used porn as an escape to not have to deal with the challenges of the real life, mainly the challenge of finding out what the hell my challenge is in the first place.
But no matter how much I am to blame or am guilty of watching porn and jerking off to anime movies (and even more disgusting stuff), I wouldn’t want to be anybody else.
Concerning happieness and bettering oneself: Were not made to be happy. We were very fearful creatures and got eaten by nearly every other creature. That explains a lot of the things going on right now in the world… Also, I think bettering is not possible. Just in a context: E.g. get more muscular, more social etc. So you just have to choose each day: Do I want to choose to fap or watch porn and/or is it getting me closer to where I want to be?
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2 weeks, Day 14 over
That new strick for me since forever
What is making sense more and more ,
- U can control your life, u got to love your self first of all, forgive yourself ,; and promise your self that tomorrow ,the very next day, is gonna be better, and work hard to keep that praomis , even if tomorrow is just slightly better.
About PMO addiction, where does it come from?
It comes from weakness , giving up,
Its comes when you’re sad, lonely , have no schedule and alot of pressure . So don’t fight PMO, dont focus about it , focus on eliminating all what leads to that, this app helped me get friend that i can actually talk to them about and supporr each other, not just against PMO but in life in generale.
Ask for help, knock every door, if u feel u need help or you’re in truble , pressure ,alone , dont deal with it alone, reach out to people , family and friends.
Good luck guys, I’m super happy
14 :)))))
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Nice, Rab! Let’s celebrate, brother! Keep doing your best
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Day 17 just starred , time is 11:16 pm
- this is the longest streak for me, I never had a company, like in years, i guess that what makes it posible
, I guess at this point we should all agree, u can’t and u shouldn’t fight PMO, ignore it get busy, get better in life chase a goal,dream, and thats the only way to over come this obstacle.
The plan is obvious , I get horny specialy when im bored (studying -_-’ ) ,maybe when i counter some horny people, other than that its posible.
To overcome this obstacle you need to defeat lonliness, sadness, fears. Make friend, open up to them, dont live alone , dont face anything alone , cause u dont have to. I’m pretty sure the time i feel alone again, i wont survive few days before I relapse again.
Fighting PMO is fighting all bad feelings, all bad vibes, with the help of family and friends.
My days all allright, I have alot of study to do, 7 days a week isn’t enough i need to add 2 days let it be 9 days a week, I have responsiblities toward my university , work and where I volunteer, and my family, and last toward my self (should take care of myself , sometimes 
).
I schedule my days, never finish my schedule i do half of it, and then wonder. I dont have a goal in life or at least it got nothing to do with my subject (electrical engineering) but need to work and plan for good payment if u want to live well. I have no motivation nothing to wake me up , nothing to push me to study. I’m trying to listen to some music when i feel tired or have no motivation, it helps alot… I’m still lost in life, just like the rest of you, trying to find a way to live .
Good luck guys, I’m available if anyone need anything,
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Still Day 17
At 3am, i woke up terrified, i had wet dream, and worst I had A dream about me raping 2 close people,
Thats a nightmare for me, last thing I want is that my darkness to reach my people,
I hate My self for it, thats one reason why I want and I need to be pure, these thiughts are my biggest regret, get me depressed knowing the monster I am, I feed on people’s light .
I don’t want to live a life where i can’t be pure, and I won’t live a life like that, me hurting people is my end line. I need help 
sexualy abusing people is like killing their soul. I know how it feels for both sides.
I keep hearing from people, chanell the energy How is that, and what do u mean by that,I’ve been trying for years… and my dreams just confirms how dark I am , how terrible I am 
I’m the same person that would give up his life , dedicate his life , to help others… Can shield others from the world’s darkness, but I dont know how long I can keep them away from mine.
I’m lost,
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Day 18
I did nothing all day , the little accident last night ruined my day. I’m 21 years old baby cries and complain for hours before trying again. I’m weak, looking on how i reacted the whole day, thats an attidude of someone gave up, thinking too much about what happened not how to move on.
I didnt follow my schedule, I didn’t study a bit, i did though sleep just 6 hours, swim, go to the gym , and take a walk.
Some stuff we cant fight, we cant control
So just move on, run run , keep runing forward.
Good luck guys
For all my friends, sorry for being such idiot baby.
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Hey, similar problems for me. How are you planning on getting help? See a therapist?
I relapsed and I’m tired of my own sexuality and afraid of the darkness.
Concerning wet dreams: It might be best to try to not sleep on your belly (if that’s what you did).
Please be compassionate with yourself. Purity is unattainable, since we both already got into PM’ing. We can only recover, but we’ll probably stay addicts forever
Only time will heal our wounds and any relapse will set this time to zero again…
I’ll start again. Today. I’m going to make a new diary. I’m having the vision of myself without PM’ing 3 years from now…
Be kind to yourself
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Bro, we must chase purity , we got to believe we can,
But the answer isn’t in fighting the dark, but strengthening the light
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I’m going to 
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Day 19, still no fap no porn ,
About life, still driving my self to a posible crises, I have responsibilities, i have dead lines, and yet can’t do any of that, (focus 5 hours a day - not even every day) wont do a thing. how do people decide something and commite to their decissions, plans, !?
Anyway, I thought of something the other day, part of the trueth:
Rab gave up at one point , and unconsiously I’m still giving up, even though i dont announce that every day, but deep “I guess”, I did give up. Which brings me to the next thing, trying to explain my nehavior, I drag my self to the bottum,Hoping to reach the very end where there is no where to fall more, like thinking , let me take all the hits already, but spare me after that, hitting the bottum means , there is only up from now on,but guess what guys, thats fool strategy , becuase this bottum ahve no end.
Another thing crossed my mind, I only react , move, when things get really stressed, bad, risky , like when my back is backed into the wall. part of the trueth, i want to move but idk how, so ironically , subconciously , i make things worst for my self, cause thats the only fuel i knew for years that can move my car.
Changing stuff on the subconcious , is like chnaging the settings on a device, where u are the device your self.
Thanks for reading
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What is the “potential crisis”?
And what about the exam you were taking?
Very interesting read but I’m in not position to be able to help you
So rab to undersatnd your thoughts you have now 3 things
No fap no porn
Confused
You give up …
If I understand you Right … so
To commit with nofap is a great thing for 19 days that means that you don’t give up …
Don’t be afraid … stop feeling doubt about anything ( yourself , your goals )
This is a very good to not fapping and not giving up man …
About planning there many videos on youtube I didn’t suggest for you because you have to search and to move on step by step …
Planning is not working many times with me but I know what I want to do and this is thanks to the many hardships that have happened to me including my holding that there is no Fab …
Stop confused you are ok man
Don’t skimp on yourself and believe that you are well and you will go great on your journey .
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Thanks man, I’ll rise above all that, I’ll do my best, eventually I’ll find a way to over come every obstacle.
I feel up anf down all the way , but thats part of the procces to be better. Thanks man
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