Questions for those doing hard mode

So I have a question or technically a few.

First off to be sure I have the description of hard mode correct. No porn, no masterbation, no sex, no orgasm. All of my questions base off this so if I’m incorrect please let me know.

But my first question is why? Why do hard mode? I know I’ve seen those doing it for religion but why else?

Next those in hard mode, are you in a relationship? If so does your partner know about what you’re dealing with? Also how do you deal with their wants in terms of sex?

This leads me to the question of why no sex? Is it for the intent to never have sex again or just as a way to store… supply? And if just store how long do you do hard mode before you deem it long enough?

Lastly in terms of masturbation do you only consider self masterbation or if you’re partner got you off would you feel the need to count that as a relapse?

I know all of these are personal choice questions just wondering how others deal with these things.


Hi Amanda …If u r on hard mode…Then no sex at all whether it is with your partner or solo.Just remember, we don’t have to waste our enegy…JOIN MY GROUP ALSO


Ya kind of like what LIFEofGOD said, masturbating, looking at porn and ultimately having an orgasm take away your energy. That’s energy I could be using to complete my goals in life and take care of my family. It really does kind of zap you in a way, and then it makes everything harder.

Also, I personally am disgusted with porn and masturbation and see no use in it, especially considering it’s bad side effects on my health. So I have no reason not to do hard mode.

I don’t have sex right now because I’m not married nor do I have a girlfriend. But I have vowed to myself that I won’t start dating until I fix this problem.

I hope that answers some of your questions :slight_smile:

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Okay I have a few more questions now. You mentioned fully experiencing sex, what exactly do you consider to be fully experienced in sex? You said Gandi had children and was 36. Those aren’t thing’s have reached in my life yet and I know at some point in my life I would like children. I understand how masterbation can be a waste of energy, and I’ve never been one for porn. In my case hard mode doesn’t yet seem like it should be a part of my life, based off my understanding of what y’all are saying. It does seem like I need to say away from masterbation a lot but not yet am I ready in my life to completely cut out sex forever.

Honestly once I’m clean and I am married I won’t mind having sex with my wife. LIFEofGOD has his own thing which is cool, but I don’t think many on here think the same way he does. I think it would be safe to guess people on hard mode are just trying to cut PMO completely out of their lives so that they can enjoy real sex with real women or just to have their life back.

Because if you don’t break the cycle of masturbation, porn and then orgasm completely, those on hard mode have realized that the habit never really leaves. And that’s what we want. We want it to get out of our lives for good. Those doing hard mode generally only plan to do it to kick the addiction, not necessarily to become an actual Monk and never have sex.

masturbation for me at least and I know for many others has caused much worse side effects than just energy loss. It can cause PIED (a condition where you can’t get an erection), social anxiety, no motivation, depression, emotional numbness, and more. So hard mode is really about kicking the addiction for good because otherwise life sucks.

But obviously some don’t have huge issues with PMO or masturbation in general and so they are just looking to reduce their time doing it.


That seems more like my situation. I tend to turn to sex or masturbation and it causes my depression to get bad, when I regret it later. How can you know if you’ve rid yourself of your addiction and able to move on? Honestly I used to masturbate multiple times per day just out of boredom, but lately the only time I’ve had the urge is when I’m around the guy I’m seeing. I know that this could easily be just the beginning symptoms of reaching day 8. Which has been a journey on its own, but how can you tell the difference between being better and it just being temporary?

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@Amanda the urges and their frequency. If you can prolong them you are getting better. If you can resist them you are getting better. I think when you get better through rewiring you have urges less often. “IMO”

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I can understand that. My first few days were hard especially when I was alone since that was when I would get bored and “play” but now I don’t feel that. I know when I get an urge now it’s not just for the sake of boredom but because I’m turned on by my guy. Just wondering if I feel better and I decide to eventually give in to that type of urge, will old urges come back. I know if they do then I’ll have to reset and find my balance but I wonder if giving in will be worth the risk of having to go back to 0.

I would agree with copper bronze here as well. As you stay clean longer, the urges get less powerful as you gain more willpower and fill your life with meaningful activities and stress relievers.

I would say it’s not a good idea to risk losing a streak. I have found on multiple occasions that having the mindset that one little peek or edging a bit won’t hurt, but it is always later accompanied by stronger urges and leads to a relapse.

Edging is like the guy you invite to the party who brings his unwanted friends even thought you didn’t invite them. It’s better just not to invite him either.

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All of this still leads to my biggest question then how do you know when it’s been long enough? I know I don’t want to go without sex forever and I know that I don’t want to be dependent the urge to masturbate. How do you tell when you’ve crossed the finish line?

Personally I’m giving it a year and then I am going to evaluate myself and see how I feel. But they say it can take about a year or more depending on how long you have been doing it. But I’m sure it’s different for everyone, some shorter and some longer.

I think you will know when you are ready. If you have to ask yourself if you ready and are unsure, then it’s probably not time yet.

I say a year for myself because i assume that if I can resist urges for an entire year I am probably capable of having a relationship with someone. But again, it’s your journey and I think you will have to weigh that based on your own struggles.

Thanks your answers have been helpful.

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When is the right time? You have to decide that for yourself.
I’ve had meaningless sex and it wasn’t worth it. I’ve had sex in marriage and never felt guilty about it. If you are rewiring I don’t think sex will help you in your goal. Abstaining from sex for periods of time I think demonstrates self control and discipline which are benefits of nofap.

As for masturbation I also believe that is personal. I can go days without the urge and I am happy but when the urges start they build up and I eventually relapse. I’m happy for periods of time with no sexual activity. My nofap goal is to not masturbate for 2+ weeks. I’m also fine if I don’t watch porn so I hope I reach my goals as I focus on being PMO-free longer and longer.