I am not a porn addict but i am here to know how its like to have that addiction to have a better understanding. i had a boyfriend for more than 2 years. I didnt know about it at first until i saw that he’s watching videos about “how to stop porn addiction and stuff”. I never judged him, but as months passed by i couldn’t help myself from thinking about it. So i asked him if he’s hiding something from me and he said that he is a porn addict. I have no idea how its like to have it but i really wanted to help him. Although i didnt know how to especially that we’re in a long distance relationship. I never knew about the severity of his addiction. Until he broke up with me because he said he needed time for himself. I was really devastated and even if it happened 7 weeks ago i’m still not alright. I cared about him alot and he thought that i didn’t care about his issues. In fact i do, it’s just that he didn’t make me understand it. He was never open about it. And now, i am feeling broken because he cut all his contacts with me. He also deleted all his social media accounts. I just let him do what he needed to do even though it’s really breaking me. I think he needs time for himself alone even though it hurts me alot. I just hope for the best.
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41m38h
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PORN is the reason for many breakups & divorves.
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Hi
I can only speak for myself. In my case, I felt extremely guilty. The shame of watching porn even though I have a girlfriend is a horrible thing to bear once you realized what you do.
You did an amazing thing. You didn’t judge him. That’s an extremely difficult and important thing.
I think many of us feel, at one point, that they have to change how they live. Some of the decisions are good, some are bad. Some you regret afterwards.
Many of us try to go without any kind of social media, because that often triggers us to relapse. Some feel like a girlfriend brings sexual energy into ones mind, which ultimately leads to relapse (i find that completely wrong, but not my place to judge).
I feel like, he didn’t broke up because of you neither broke up with you. I guess it can be this process of realizing how his life became. So, it is more probable that he broke up because of his own problems.
I think if I were you, I would try to contact him again. Maybe not right now, but in a month or so. When his thoughts calmed down a bit.
I think you did everything right. No many women are that supportive!
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To help you have a better understanding of what an addiction is like (specifically porn) think of it as when you’re at work or school on a Friday and you have plans. Every second you think about those plans for that evening. Porn has a similar effect. All day (for me at least) you can’t stop thinking about that next release.
Don’t blame yourself for him breaking up with you. What he is going through is something that takes time and patience. If you do come in contact with him in the future and he brings up his porn addiction here are some things that helped me in the past.
Workout everyday
Clean diet (low amount of junk food)
Busy schedule (in order to have less time alone to be tempted)
Meditation for ten minutes daily
Face to face interaction with actual people as much as possible
MOST IMPORTANTLY put restrictions on devices such as phones, laptops ect.
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@neveragaintw Thanks for your reply. Well, i don’t know if i still have the courage to talk to him after what he did. I felt dumped and it was horrible. He had to delete all his accounts connected to me so i dont think he still want to communicate. Despite all that happened, i still wish him the best.
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He needs supports like hell of a support … Thats what i was seeking from my gf … I wish she could have understood me better. I was a teenager when i start getting into this porn shit … i didn’t know that i have to pay this kind of price for it. I was just enjoying myself. But now when i realised what kind of trouble i am into i am trying to get out of it .
Its a good thing that your bf is also searching for solution to conquer this addiction. Its very hard to controll our addicted brain …
Dont feel dumped maybe he is caring and dont want you to ruin your life with him. I know cause thats how i used to think … Talk to him openly make him comfortable … It is hard but still anyone can get rid out this addiction and can have a wonderful life. Convince him to fight this addiction . It will take just 3-4 months of hard work and you both will see the results …
All the best.
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@anon_johny
he is the reason why i am here. You can’t blame me too. I would’ve understood his situation more if he was open about it. But no, he didn’t want me to know all about it. He kept it as a secret from me for over 2 years. I was more than willing to help him but he chose to walk away… He said it was for the best of both of us. But how can it be the best when while he is recovering from his addiction, i am here trying hard to pick myself up alone. I know he really need to remake his life so i’m trying to be positive. But his actions left me devastated.
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@LostSoul777 i am not blaming you or anybody …its not easy to be open in this matter many people dont even visit doctor even when they know that seeking a doctor is their only hope .Its not easy love try to understand that … persons like me and him lives with a very heavy burden… That we also get suicidal thoughts all the time. In that case we try to push away the people we care the most …
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I understand. What do you think is the best thing to do? To just walk away or talk to him?
@LostSoul777 you know that man better than me your relationship is of 2 years so you know that he loves you or not . . Ask yourself in these 2 years did he really loved you if the answer is yes then dont let it go … Talk to him … Even if he tries to push you away give a chance by iniatinng the talk by yourself ask him if he wants to push you bcz of his porn addiction if he says yes then tell him that it can be cured we will together conquer it . Tell him about no fap if requires take him to a doctor … For my point of view homeopathy is best for recovering the damage done by fapping visit a homeopathy doctor … In just 3-4 months you will see the changes … His depression ,anger , anxiety will fade away maybe he will not be completely cured it depends on for how long and chronic his suffering is . But yes anyhow macimum 3-4 months are enough to see the results .
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I would just do what you still want to do deep inside you. I had the same situation and I was the one to fault. If you think there is still hope then go with the flow. Don’t force anything. Things like porn addiction can take time to recover. Trust me. But just because he walked away from you doesn’t mean he might not regret it. Maybe he does. And he did it because he had no choice. Porn ruined his life in career and family etc… That is what happened to me at least. But your strong just by actually still caring about him. Maybe he still cares about you.
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To be honest, i dont know if he really loved me in that 2 years. I dont think he also wants to communicate with me. I cant talk to him right now as well because i am still hurt with what he did.
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I have no idea if he regret losing me. I think not because it was always easy for him to leave. I would never force anything. And even if he regret it, it won’t change what i am feeling right now. Just hoping he’d overcome what he’s going through.
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Well porn changes behaviors. All of us in this community probably know that. Could be that he was not thinking when he broke up. But here again it’s maybe.
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