Porn, emotional pain and numbing out

I think I got into porn because I was lonely, isolated and depressed. It served a function, it provided an instant guaranteed high, escape from my difficult circumstances and the illusion of being with lots of beautiful women who all accepted me as I am.
It salved my pain until later then it started to become enslaving and damaging. It started to fill my thoughts.
All of this happened after I’d pretty much left secondary school.
In my day… well the school was just getting dial up internet when I was 17/18 and it was a novelty. Nobody had mobile phones and porn was not as accessible back then and yet…
the childish adolescent horny boys I went to school with were (at least some of them) obsessed with porn mags which aroused my curiousity as a boy raised in a very Christian/religious home. I resisted the urge to pursue my growing fascination in any meaningful way until I’d left sixth form and was feeling increasingly down and depressed.
Then it progressed or should I say went downhill from there.
Porn hasn’t done me any favours I used porn as a solution to my problems and it became an additional problem in my life. There is the reality of the underlying issues as well though for which counselling has proved very helpful.
I’m still depressed today on my 6 day streak well disappointed with my life. How many times I’ve just wanted to not exist and have that burden taken away, but I’m lighter today on day 6 and I know I’m onto a good thing with this app and community.
I used porn and lack of sleep to numb myself because feeling can be painful, life can be painful.
Enough self pity! Life can be Great too well sometimes.
I’m on a journey of faith as well. It seems like porn almost derailed my faith too but I still believe, I’m still reading my bible and praying…

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@Rebooter81 Remember that willpower will take you so far. Try to think less about porn, it will feel better not thinking about it much.

Keep investing in praying :pray: and Bible study. They’re worth it.

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You not alone though I have been/going through some shit but I keep fighting, that’s what gets us to where we want to be and honestly that depression is just what you have been escaping accept it and work on it let all those tangled emotions unravel that’s what I have been doing this year, stay of porn let your brain chemicals rebalance again, overstimulation leaves you empty as hell, but if you give it time eat healthy, focus on diffrent things you will start to feel the diffrence, I was in the worst place last year when I was chronic pmo person, but I had to stop it and face my demons once and for all and I couldn’t be more thankfull, I suggest you look up at guys who where once addicted but have fully recovered now, I promise you that stuff is extremely motivating.

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Will power
Restrain
Discipline
Goal
And the desire to want to be free and not let lust decide for you is very important :+1:t6:

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