Yes. Now everything seems good and i started to change my routines
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I thought it is not useful in any way to post everything here like waking up, sleeping time, hrs i study. So i keep a journal in my notebook to see my improvement. Everything is better and even best now comparatively . On a process to change my daily routines and build my life for the best version. Stopped counting days for streak. I actually count the hrs i wasted in that day doing nothing to make the hrs productive. It was 14 hrs the first day and it is 8 hrs yesterday.
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Everything changed in one day. I accepted my mistakes whole-heartedly. Due to some financial situation i need to go for a job. I got my result of my last semester on last yr’s september but time passed. I dont study just procrastinated my life. Till May i couldn’t know that i have problems mentally. And i cant change it in just 2 months. Did my best everyday to do something… But i have to go for a job. So i decided to start my prep nxt yr may month. But until that i have to excel in every sections, every topics. But what if i dont get a chance to quit my job nxt yr and start prep? What if my dreams are only meant to be dreamed?
3 years of pmo, 6 yrs of depression, 4 months of anxiety attack, 8 months of daydreaming pushed me to this state. Yesterday i knot my shawl in room’s ceiling fan to hang up. But one thing that arose in my head i have plenty of bloody time. I am just 21, Minimum age qualification to write any exams… I have pretty 14 years to make my dreams true… I dont want to waste the time and start it today from this sec… Make my days productive, adding new habits, many things. I will post here when i upgrade myself with new habits. Nxt yr i will definitely crack. But i have to start it from this second.
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And an advice to u all if u have any traumas or bad habit like pmo. U may have probably get some mental conditions like daydreaming, overthinking, sleep deprivation, amxiety attack, procrastinating important things, ADHD, ADD and many. Please Try to find out it now and start to solve it gradually
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I can literally see the whole context varies from yesterday’s post to today’s post. 
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I’ve been there. I ate 4 - 5 dolo when I was like 19 - 20s i dont remember. I fainted before things got worse.
There is a quote " You cannot solve a problem you cannot measure ". Make clarity on what u want to do.
Dont just say I wanna clear a bank exam. Say which topic u will be studying at which time with precision. For accountability I joined hands with kainaat so that in case everything screw up , I’ll update there or in my diary. You can join us if interested.
Also if you have problems that find difficult to share , you can dm her too. She is a very good women from what I’ve seen here.
Just typing all this because suicidal thoughts are something that I relate to. Thank God I never got the courage to do it after the incident to happened to me a few years ago. And I pray the same to you.
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please never ever think of doing that. i tried to do that to myself too. to tell you the truth, except your perents/closest ones no one will care about you. yeah if you die maybe they will cry for one day or two but after that everything will return to normal. But it will leave a scar to your perents that will never heal. i was brought up in a abusive environment and my perents used to fight frequently , that left me a scar too but i forgive them.
your life is of soo much worth. we dont realize it .
we forgot to enjoy the little things in life.
you need to be patient, it wont happen in one day , but it will happen one day.
whatever your goals are , keep working towards them. it will be hard in the begining .
but you gotta accept yourself first , accept yourself the way you are. self improvement comes from self acceptence.
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I actually keeping journal in my notebook everyday like, sleeping hrs, inactive hrs, study, meditation, exercise, plank, walking, prayer 2 times everyday from last month. The reason i dont have any apps to jounalise i will use the app excessively without consciousness like 1hr . And also i deleted this app bcoz of that. I use this app 2 hrs without any reason and mostly at night time. It disrupts my sleep schedule so i deleted this app and using occasionally … I think this is also a part of improvements and substituted using this with chess and sudoku … But it went to 3 hrs a day. And socializing with my neighbours.
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Accepting myself that i have some addictions and mental issues lead to more complex and make it to daydreaming results in procrastination.
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see you got this in a wrong way.
all those mental health problems wont just go away in one day on its own.
bit by bit learning to cope with things in a better way.
this should be like that “yeah i have some problems with my life, but you know what? thiese problems are not permanent! i have choice to better myself”
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And iam keeping a Gratitude Dairy to write the good things happening that day to get aware iam getting good things also. Even with yesterday’s date i wrote that i had my favourite food to eat. This will help. Read everyday the things I have written from the Day 1 at every morning.
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Right . Nothing is permanent. Iam doing lil new things everyday but expecting the results in the first day. I will change the mindset.
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Its great to stay get positive vibes
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Ok. I will join with u guys. Thanks @The_Rising_One
Yes right. Need to cherish lil things. Thnk u @nofapstar123
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If you dare to die, then why not to live? Everyone got problems. If all decides for suicide then even the earth would not exist. Thank God you are still alive.
Anyways you analyse your day after joining work. Find the hours where you don’t do anything and use it for preparation. Not for complete preparation. Just learn some bytes and bits and revise and work them out in holidays.
Nalla vishayatha thalli poda vena ka!!!
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Ok da thambi. Epothiki pogala 1 month kalichi adhukulla neraiya subjects cover pannanum. Thnk u.
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Always for you ka
It’s just an exam alright, you will ace it with your preparation. In all this, ask yourself what you truly want. If you really want to clear exam, then do it.
For us boys, we have no choice but to sacrifice some of our dreams. Girls face more challenges but there options are flexible when it comes to how much they need to earn. So, do your introspection and once you finally make your decision to give exam go for it, by this month only.
Or if you realise, you have some other dreams than go for it, you have a year to progress
Btw, if you ever get this thought again, play with my Ben 10 Watch Instead, its more fun way of dying Turning into an Alien @PlanRed
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Sorry i deny your statement. What If the girl has raised up in a lower class family, and what if the whole family have hope and craving badly for changes in their lifestyle. Its right. We r not pressurized if we dont do anything like studies… But for me i do this for me and my future self… And i dont like to be a kitchen wife who do all the house chores always thinking about others…and not really knew what she wants and her needs … So iam doing this. Iam very clear in this. I can get how badly i want this in my life with yesterday’s frustration.
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This is such a motivation 
Thank you for clarifying. Then I think I am just confusing you by asking you to introspect. You sound inspired and inspirational. Get the material and books, divide syllabus in parts, sharp your skills and foundations first and then go for practicing questions afterward. Hghly suggested only go to practice questions after you got all the tips, tricks, knowledge and foundation in your hand, and revise them bi-daily afterwards while solving questions. I wish you luck in this, ace your banking exam. 
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