Hi! Am near about being 22 years. But honestly the number reflects just the quantity but not the quality at all. I have spent majority of my life in utter misery, pain, delusions (if I may say so), regrets and failures. Even now, I am dealing with the problems combined. I started the journey of No Fap or Brahmacharya some 4 years ago here (with different accounts). Nothing lasted, accounts kept changing but streaks didn’t flinch much. My highest streak till date has been 27 days (3 years ago). And now am on a spree of maximum 2 days, anything beyond that is rare. I don’t want to write about my failures at the introduction of my diary, i will write about them gradually, if I find the courage to recall them.
The purpose of writing the diary again -
- Discipline
- Lack of friends (want to make the diary close to me, and me to myself)
- Daily To-do list to make me follow some kind of routine atleast
- Penning the chattering of brain
Hope to maintain this fight against the biggest evil mankind has ever faced: Lust. Seeking blessings from God, my parents and all well wishers I start this journey.
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This is your year brother. You will overcome the struggles of the past and break past your limits. We are with you in this fight against lust. May God bless you on your journey. 
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@Forerunner thanks brother. I have to keep my guards on and work towards making this year better.
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Day 2
A little update on life and streak. Crossing these two days were very tough. It’s not just the urges or cravings only that I have to battle with. I am facing a tumultuous time in my relationship.
Due to the stress and pain, I am unable to do much work and even create a to do list. I am just happy that am able to maintain the streak atleast. I don’t know when life would be bit merciful towards me. It feels like as soon as I am able to or near about to overcome a problem, a new, more complex problem approaches my life. I am obviously trying to think them as tools of my growth but sometimes the tenacity makes me tiresome. I too need rest. I think life is a mess, the way we all were born, hugging the umbilical cord and then life long we keep on hopping from one mess to another and the final peace comes only with death.
Ah!! I am being too pessimistic, isn’t it?
Leaving it till here then. Goodnight.
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Confrontation
It requires a moment of brief confrontation that why I relapsed and how to stop it. I had gone bit good till Day 5. Then suddenly there was a spike in my confidence and in night time, I just wanted some entertainment (Youtube stories) and slowly I slipped to other paths. Changes I will do -
- No matter what I will not use phone post 8pm
- I have to change my routine from being full productive to semi productive.
Which means, I am always in the habit of grasping more things that I can actually secure which makes me anxious if I remain without any work. So I will remain productive in the slots of work but take complete rest (dopamine detox) in slots of rest. Rest periods shouldn’t be made as leisure period from digital entertainment or something else.
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