Omar's diary [M16]

Hey guys , hope you all doing good
The reason why I wanted to create this diary not for me but also for everyone to read about what is happening to me , what I am becoming in a short time

This is going to be a bit long , but just to tell my story

I won’t say how I discovered it , got addicted and how much I have been damaging myself ( wasn’t too long though )

Before I download this app April 12th , thoughts were coming to my mind like this : its been two boring days full of studying , go to the browser … But that never happened I opened Google play instead typed “no fap” just that simple , picked a random app with was this (fortunately ) then spent two hours reading posts and know the whole app
Before I joined I had two days clean with me which encouraged me to try this

I never thought I would get over a week with the best case scenarios , but saw you Guys breaking borders , competing and most importantly helping and encouraging each other to go back to who we really were , the next day when I talked about what was kept within myself and people read it and acted to it , I felt some kind of relief and got me fueled to challenge myself even further .

Currently going my sixth day , want to raise my country flag international competition ( well everyone loves his country , right ? )

I won’t tell you that I can fly now or I say what I want to say to anyone , or became free , or any philosophical lines , I know its necessary for motivation , even movies overreact to get the point to the viewers and to urge them to understand the moral of whatsoever a movie was talking about

But I would say that I finally found myself ,I study harder now and got plans for the summer holiday , acting positively to different situations with my family and beyond it ( which was not available before ) and bdw I didn’t get religious for just testing if my mind really got awake and would never ever go back to the dark side

Actually during fapping I was the worst person religiously cuz I was just not here , I was in another world not seeing or feeling anything if not inside me

@neveragaintw that guy is amazing , he didn’t mean it but when he said that he accidentally fueled me to prove to all that you can do it from your first try ( my highest streak was 8 did it two years ago bdw )

My word to everyone who is depressed and feeling sad is :
Getting back to it could have one good benefit of two but other than that its completely damage is all
The reason why you feel different during your journey against it is that you basically become happy as you are winning over a thing , whatever it is , you are WINNING and that is achieving something , just like games , your relationships with people , getting a high degree , so you are on the right direction always remember that , you only fail when you are weak , but if you got your reasons and you know your enemy , well shit ! It won’t stand a chance !!!

I hope there would be someone still reading that far but really I don’t do much of these daily unless I felt weak , but assure you won’t happen :smirk:

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Well ahh … I actually hesitated to talk about what happened today as if anyone compared it to what I was yesterday y’all would be laughing at me , but after long thinking I decided to document what happened hopefully you don’t fall in that as well

I woke up in time as usual 6:00 am planned my studying schedule through the day after few hours like 9:00 am I was kinda bored …before I continue let me say that the day before I didn’t had enough sleep really slept like 4 hours and half which is not quite enough for me ( always 6hours at least )
What was running inside me is that I am nearly close to finish the sixth day and I’m happy and strong , urges don’t fool me but I felt sleepy during all that
So with not much painful details about what happened next ( painful to me :confused: ) I winded up relapsing

Learned a few things after that : first always have enough sleep to have your full mind energy so you can control yourself
Don’t get fancy about being holding tight ( I warned myself and you guys before about it )

I spent literally the rest of the day starring at the ceiling , I didn’t want to look at my face in the mirror , I was shocked like if I fapped for the first time
The good point is a felt really guilty about it which never happened before , another one is I seem to hold a few more days than my average was so of course physical harms are reduced
Being guilty and over thinking wishing I can come back to the moment made me lazy and little depressed which gone away by time but I didn’t do anything today , I wasn’t expecting it at all ,probably you too guys who have read the yesterday topic

I will focus on my enemy , I swear to god I felt the change and I swear I want to give it up , please guys do not underestimate it

Its sneaky !

Anyways hope this helped you a little and stay tuned for next days hope it goes well just don’t laugh at me for what I said yesterday I really meant it I didn’t relapse cause of urge , but lack of sleep .

Good luck guys ! Starting over again but smartly !

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Passed the second day nicely but slow
Got a lotta of work to do the next few days , and I’m so amped to perform in that new competition " League of Champions "

What I wanted to note down for you is that keep in mind if you will relapse after a longer time you held than you used to you will feel ashamed ! Sad and wish you never did and your first days will be so hard you might waste them doing nothing and when you see others timers better than yours you’ll be jealous so I’m saying again it is not worth it , at all

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Over a month has passed , and I didn’t write anything , and what happened is just after I finished my exams may 16th I had all the time but used it fapping and not doing anything productive as a used to do during the studying part time

Let me give you an advice

• don’t start your NF journey if you aren’t ready for it because you will worse than ever

• stay active here , on this app I mean
Read other friends stories , confessions , struggles , and learn from it
Write you own to help others , try to be the motivating person
I’m saying these words and I assure you I don’t feel them , but I believe in them that’s what I know
Abandoning the app , I came back to the dark side without knowing it because I used to it for years
I suffered from anxiety , decreased confidence ( drastically )
Had some rough time
Mostly crying in the dark corner of my room

If you are feeling this right now , don’t worry , we always find our way out just try to get out of the zone as quick as possible

Currently on day 0 , nothing much but I am feeling better than what I was feeling when I started writing this , I will do a daily summary and I will try to be productive this time , try to be stronger

Don’t abandon this app , we are stronger together always remember that …

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Day 1 :

You know day 1 always doesn’t mean anything but I think I have a better feeling after i decided to stay on rewrite app again

Mostly tried to rest in bed and regain my concentration back
I tried to study some French to stay busy and productive and like benefit from free time

I think we all must do this if you struggle to win NF you should make yourself a separate counter for no porn and I think we can just stop watching porn even if we masturbate as if we forbid porn from our minds we lessens the chemicals released during the process and you can save a great amount of time as I heard some people used to watch porn for hour and two
Also we know that porn and masturbation have disadvantages but I think we can stop porn easier than stopping masturbation so think about it guys

For me I will start doing that and I shall post the experience here

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You will eventually go for porn, porn and masturbation are part of a cycle. One leads to another. There is only one way out, which is to live with feeling of "it’s boring’. This boredom, pain(absence of pleasure), unhappiness is all part of change. For me, It felt like a part of me is drowning when I start nofap.I am still in that phase :smiley: Obe of my motivation is to know that “Change is painful” and it will make you strong.You should watch on youtube how eagle is abke to live upto 70 years, but with a tough “change”