Came across this article by a Reddit User. Can’t agree more.
NoFap is good, but you guys are taking it too far (Giving Advice)
just completed 110 days yesterday. And today I did what you guys call “relapse.” And I’ve finally realized it. It doesn’t need to be negative. First thing is. You guys are treating nofap WAY to scupulous.(obsessive compulsive) The very act of defining masturbation as a “relapse” like alcoholics etc. is ridiculous. I’m not mocking in any way Im just here to help you guys realize that you don’t have to play mind games each day. All I read here is " im going to avoid stimuli, sexual thoughts, pics, looking at other people." I understand you don’t want to objectify people sexually but your human. You will always have sexual thoughts in your nature because how else would you find a mate. Think about it, is letting a whole day get wasted on self pity from just jerking off healthy for you? Ofcourse not. You don’t have to feel as if you just murdered someone from what your body does. My point is this. The nofap way will always have “relapses” through your progression to become a better person. If you go on a streak of 300, 100, 50, hell even 10 days your still progressing. This doesn’t mean that you can jerk off all day im just saying everything has to have balance. In my opinion you are healthy and sound when you have “done it” and still feel always great about yourself. No matter if you go once a week or once a year. Its all cool man. I might get some people that disagree and that’s good, im not saying that people can do it all day, what im saying is that you don’t have to feel like shit if you do. Its all about how you see yourself as a person regardless of what happens externally. Keep loving who you are, keep going after your goals, regardless of what happens to you. Nofap is not your life, its a tool, an accessory. Its not a be all or end all application. Your you. Its not about what you keep away from, its about what you’re put through but keep moving forward. Instead of focusing on “avoiding stuff” focus on what’s most important to you. School, sports, job, making movies whatever. I have “relapsed” and could care less. No porn, just was feeling like it. And I still do the stuff I needed to do. That’s when you know your beyond this nofap trend. 60 - 80% of you aren’t ‘addicts’. You would think addicts get help AWAY from the internet not from it. Lol its obvious isn’t it. Anyway that’s all. I’m helping you guys to stop feeling caged by this nofap compulsive system. What you keep doing for the better of your life is more important than a nofap streak. Done.
source: https://goo.gl/xbiQBt
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thanks a lot man!
amazing to feel the good vibe in the forum.
i think that we as a community (as it is stated in the article) could help each other a lot more if we were less compulsive and if we had a more life - affirming mindset
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I second your thought of interdependency in the community.
I think, in order to help each other our objectives and purpose for being on nofap should be aligned in a similar direction. In a way our objectives and mindset is similar regarding nofap.
But I feel sad for the people who ask about benefits of nofap on face and jawline.
Those who are just following a fad don’t know or rather have no desire to know what actually abstaining is. Its like the dog race where they run behind the motorized rabbit tied on the rail.
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I disagree. Nobody is forcing you to do this ‘rat race’ as you call it. You can follow whatever method you like. If you wanna take your relapse as something ‘positive’, so be it. I won’t. I will not also sit back and loathe myself all day but again, this isn’t the problem of the method. It’s got something to do with you and you can’t blame the method for it.
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A dog race is entirely different than a rat race, the dogs chase a speeding rabbit which isn’t even real. I am against glorifying of nofap which says after so many days ‘x’ thing will happen which creates expectations in people. Neither am I advocating relapse nor I am forcing you to follow my method. I talked about similar objectives and mindset, I didn’t ask everyone to have single method or goal or anything.
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I like what he says, I think it can be simplified though! I think he is right, that he personally has risen beyond all this NoFap ‘stuff’. He no longer has an addiction mentality attached to masturbation and really that just means he has made a near full if not full recovery! Well done to him!
Buuuuut. And it is an important but. What he says does not and cannot apply to everyone on this journey, he knows that, you know that, we all know that (I hope), I’m just highlighting it. If he is in a position where he can masturbate without feeling like it is a relapse and without all of the associated guilt then he has recovered. Of course it may mean removing yourself from the things that reinforce the idea that what you are going through is an addiction if you are no longer addicted. That is mostly what he is describing, his end game!
The only reason it annoys me a bit is because he is thinking in that moment, “Well look at this, this is what we guys need to do in order to have a wholesome relationship with masturbation” and so he tells us what has just worked for him. It annoys me because he is kind of assuming that our level of addiction is the same as his, that if we just did what he said then soon it will all be better, not treating it like an addiction so soon it will not be an addiction anymore. It all sounds good really and I do utterly believe what he says and whole heartedly agree with him, don’t get me wrong.
But this is not possible for so many of us because this genuinely IS still an addiction and not just because we believe it to be so but because it genuinely is and through finding out the NoFap movement have we made the tremendous step of acknowledging it as such. I think it should be in everyones best interest to remove the guilt around relapsing and embrace their natural sex drive and even to stop seeing these as relapsing. But this is endgame stuff when you complete it. This will not be possible ever for some people. Some have been so intensely addicted that full recovery like this man describes is no longer an option.
It is important when reading this to acknowledge that this man had made an almost full recovery and what he has done was possible because of that. But do not let him invalidate that you are addicted, we have come so far to acknowledge our problem and see it as one, just because he has come out on the other side does not mean that we are making mountains out of molehills.
Keep fighting and keep being nicer to yourself when you relapse and hopefully we can make it step by to step to where this man is. He is very wise and everything he says is true I just feel passionately about what I thought his words were poking holes in so that’s why the ramble 
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I agree with you on the levels of addiction, the people who have just acknowledged their addiction are still addicted and vulnerable. I know relapsing does decreases the will power and I myself have experienced it and along with that I have some reservations about some of the things he mentioned such as when he says the following,
I am not completely sure about this because when we just start nofapping we keep thinking about it and the stimulus acts as a catalyst for urges and we need to avoid those
What I took out of the article is that the true benefit of nofap is, which we have already discussed a number of times in our past discussions, developing ourselves personally while abstaining. Developing focus and some positive habits.
I must mention the reason for putting it here, I was questioning the whole nofap thing after reading some questions regarding effects of nofap, there are numerous posts where people are promising such and such effects after such and such number of days without any documented evidence or scientific research, and when I read this I thought it might help someone with that kind of perception about nofap.
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Yes that is a good intent, I think disillusioning people on this journey can be really important because some people (I can think of a couple straight away) on this forum speak of doing longer streaks as if you transcend into another divine plane and shake hands with the gods themselves…It can be excessive to say the least. And it is fiction. Some people will vouch for the effects because they believe it and so are living in this fictional reality too or haven’t gone long enough to get to the point where they realise most of that stuff is really trivial in the long run. By searching for those superpowers they are avoiding seeing themselves as humans without the potential to be a Marvel superhero, flawed humans with poor coping mechanisms that just need to love themselves as such.
It annoys me honestly, it is almost like a rite of passage at this point that everyone goes for the superpowers, says they are achieving them, then holds a streak for long enough (hopefully) that they realise it is unimportant and totally transient. It is an unnecessary rite of passage and massively slows down genuine healing for so many people on this path. Many just get stuck in the cycle of chasing superpowers and downright worshipping people with higher streaks. (Which inversely makes them see themselves as even less worthy of love)
Hopefully we can dismantle some of that rhetoric in our time here!
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i feel like I have to add something to this discussion too. I’ve now been on this journey for more than half a year and changed my opinion often but I feel like my current plan really works out. So my thoughts:
I feel like more and more people confuse a tool with progress!
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The counter is ONE TOOL which helps us getting closer to our goal. But imagine digging a hole and the only tool you are using is a pickaxe. You won’t come far.
-> Each stage of recovery needs its own SET of tools.
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So many people think because they reached a high counter means that they are farther with battling the addiction. But progress is not about how high your counter is but how GOOD you feel during your current streak.
My first relapse after installing the app was after day 50 (that was back in October). I felt like crap during the whole streak. I didn’t know why and when I have urges but I battle through everything. Now my counter shows 7 days and I feel like I’ve almost won the battle.
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Challenges are a TOOL for staying abstinent, which again is a TOOL for battling the addiction. You have two options to stay abstinent for a longer time (obviously a combination is the best way to go):
-> Get to know your addiction and figure out the pattern of the urges
-> Get a harder mind and learn to beat down every urge.
I personally would never ever rely on just getting stronger because that isn’t what recovery is!
A challenge mainly makes you harder to fight the urges but it doesn’t help you to overcome your personal problem. Instead I’ve seen more than once, people saying that they failed, lost, that they are losers because they didn’t win a competition.
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People see relapsing as failure.
A relapse is only bad if you don’t learn from it! Sure, no one wants to relapse and it would be amazing if we could just win against our addiction. But I guess everyone who is close to overcoming the addiction can confirm that you can learn so much about your behaviour if you really analyze your relapses. (that’s why there is a strategy for overcoming smoking addiction where they can relapse but while smoking they have to analyze every single bit. From how it feels to how it tastes and so on.).
The key is to really write down every feeling during your relapse. It is bad, Yes you feel like shit after wards but I gained knowledge. And that is what helps you in longterm
What is my opinion?
Every stage needs its set of tools!
- At the beginning, I went for a brutal period of abstinence which showed me what my addiction is. This was a pure battle of will but I saw what I will have to face
- after that I almost gave a damn about my counter. I wanted to learn everything about my addiction.
When do I get urges, How does it feel, what is my brain searching for and so on.
Most of these questions, I wouldn’t have been able to answer without relapsing. (during this time i relapsed every 2-3 days. And I did that for 4 months). And in retrospect, this was the most important time during my recovery so far. In this time the tool “diary” was the most important part for me and this is also the reason why my diary has something like 100 entries. And just my posts alone are something like 20 pages of text.
- now I know everything about my habits, my addiction and urges. And now I feel like it makes sense again to use the TOOL counter for staying abstinent. Staying abstinent shows me now whether my work in the previous section was good or not
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I think each person has to find for themselves the right combination of lifestyle habits and motivation to help them with nofap.
What helps me is that I expect a relapse to be a part of the recovery process, so even if I am disappointed by it I won’t feel guilty knowing my true desire is to abstain from PMO. Many times I’ve just fapped with no porn so I know that something drives me to that.
I’m addressing a new part of my life so I don’t know if the urges will decrease in frequency but if it improves my emotional health I know my urges will be affected by it.
Some people are motivated by the counter, some by their lifestyle, and some by both. I think each person has to come up with their own winning formula. We hope those who find success will share with us so that we can also find the success we seek.
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Amazing!!! Thank you!
That is extremely motivating and supportive, and am very grateful!
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