There I was a little boy watching my favorite show, completely unaware of how drastically my life would change. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was playing on my living room TV, my mom in the kitchen cooking one of my favorite meals I’m sure. It was like I was all alone happy as could be, full of nothing but childhood innocence and enthralled with my hero’s saving the day once again. It was in a eposdoe entitled “The Case of the Hot Kimono” that the heroine April O’Neil, a sassy reporter girl would show me something about myself that I had no inkling of. You see in the episode she gets a bit too snoopy and gets captured by the bad guy Don Tortelli – famous for his “ways of making you talk”. He sported a nice suit and hat, complete with the perfect feather. When April was captured she and her coworker were tied up and blind folded by Tortelli and his henchmen. All the excitement about how they were going to escape and save the day with the turtles welled up within me I couldn’t wait to see what happens next… Oh how I wish I would’ve never seen it. How it awakened something in me that to this day I cannot sedate again. You see, when Tortelli started inflicting his punishment of tickling April’s feet something deep within me was excited, too excited, a new excited and ashamed feeling overcame me as I watched with newly found curiousity her feet move back and forth in front of of the feather held to them, the way her toes stuck out of the sock holes and her intoxicating laughter, all my senses were suddenly overwhelmed. I absolutely LOVED seeing her feet and then to have them tickled helplessly brought me the most satisfaction and the most embarasment I think I’ve ever experienced. I immediately looked around in the kitchen did my mom see me? Did she noticed how much I noticed?? I remember watching the rest of the episode hoping there was going to be another tickling scene. From that fateful day I was April’s admirer (hence my username 
) I later found out that MANY foot guys got their start with that very same scene?! 
Fast forward to years later where I began to notice my classmates feet in sandals in KINDERGARTEN 
I’d purposefully sit by favorite girls in class just to catch a glimpse of their feet. Sad, list had already taken ahold of me. Then on to first, second, third grade playground where girls innocently where playing in the equipment outside barefoot – I loved recess. I loved that I could watch and no one would know. They’re just feet right? Not to me. I was a little older and a Trix commercial came on the TV out of nowhere and boom little girls two bare feet right in the main shot! Again, a sudden overwhelming feeling of shock and excitement and shame filled my heart. I waited for days after that watching as much tv as I possibly could just to catch a glimpse of those feet again 
It ended up following me thru my entire life after that first TMNT scene. I took this dirty little secret with me throughout school and college and I struggled to justify it, everyone has their own kinks their own tastes. Flash back to when I was sitting in a library and was doing legitimate ebay business when I realized that if the tv had feet maybe the internet would too? I went to the infamous google homepage and typed in slowly “cute”…“girls”… “Fee” I paused, something in me was hesitant to open the door any further but alas I typed the last “T” and did my first pornographic search ever.
What i saw was overwhelming… not only did I find what I was looking for (on a public library computer which had porn blockers 
) but I found a treasure trove of feet…more feet than I had ever seen in my life. I panicked, I shut down the browser and immediay left. What had I found?! There’s THAT MANY feet out there!!! Sounds silly right? But I legit didn’t know that the internet was already onto what I had managed to keep under wraps and secret for years.
Then it got worse, I got my first computer… And dialup internet!! Oh wow and it was in my own room away from anyone… And BONUS I knew enough about computers that I could hide my tracks!! So my parents never has a clue. I had everyone fooled. I was immediately sucked in, all the feet I could ever want right there for me to see. I downloaded realPlayer and found real tickling . com not only did the net cater to my foot obsession but it had TICKLING?? Like I could go and find a beautiful woman (like April) be put in the same situation as what started this whole thing?!?
I continued to look at porn daily, Every night I would stay up for hours and find the perfect feet, the perfect woman with the perfect laugh and loose sleep, miss homework assignments, go into work late because no overslept because even after I laid down I could still see the images and would rather relive them then fall asleep. So many years of my life wasted 
Fast forward to my late teen years. I had a radical change in my life I ended up finding God. Not here to push religion on anyone but I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior and become a born again christian. Surely the porn would stop right? I mean I had heard of people being instantly delivered from drugs and alcohol 
but it didn’t… In fact it got much worse. I and changed seriously I’m no longer the person I used to be, except that little dirty sin stuck around and fought its way into my life once again. This time I felt tremendous gulit because now I was convinced that what I was doing was wrong I felt the conviction of sin when I looked at my favorite sites. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I prayed to my new God the one I loved with all my being the one who showed me the truth but still this thorn in the flesh remained… 
I found the love of my life not long after that, never loved anyone as much as I do her. I thought this is it! This is my way out. She can be enough for me to stop. I don’t want to hurt her, and if she ever found out it would kill her. But again, I failed, I kept at it despite my love for Jesus and her, I still loved my habit. I thought now that I’m getting married I’ll stop! I don’t want to be the husband that looks at porn at night while my wife sleeps but I failed…again. then I had the birth of my first son, surely I would stop being the father that looks at porn, right? I don’t ever want my son to have to struggle the way I have, yet again I fail. And I keep failing. Repent and sin.i hate it. No I loathe it with all my being. Felt like God delivered me from it, didn’t look at the filth for 2 weeks and then bam, a 2 week binge watching BDSM tickle torture and darker stuff. Then porn itself was not enough, I started chatting and seeking real life tickle meetups. Even though I love my wife with everything I got, and she indulges my foot fetish in the bedroom. Still was not enough. She has gorgeous feet, in fact, despite the thousands of feet I’ve seen she still has my dream feet…but even still IT WAS NOT ENOUGH!!
Now by this time I was REALLY good at hiding my tracks… Like using a separate VM with disk encryption, and a VPN and Tor and things no one would ever be able to put together to catch me. I had everything down to a science. I order myself in my abilities to keep this hidden. I even had decoys setup in case someone were to stumble onto one of the first few layers of my walled fortress! 
Oh I could look at porn on my phone right next to you and in one second hide the window which would never show up in my apps list and required a single specialized fingerprint to access all other hidden apps. Genius but pathetic. I even went as far as setting up a network of apps and AI to find the best feet on the web. I was beyond obsessed. I thought if I could get models hooked from instagram that I could get paid in feet pics 
so desperate.
Sorry for the lengthy post but I recently have decided enough is enough 
I’m beyond done with porn. I’m so sick and tired of hiding my tracks, logging into that other account. Swallowing hard when someone asks to use my device… thinking did I use the right browser, what If I get caught? The worst failure is I lost my job due to my porn habit it crept into my workplace and instead of doing my job I was doing my drug of choice, foot porn. I was devastated, I got fired because I wasn’t working. Fair enough. But I am not willing to lose my salvation nor my marriage over this. I’m fed up. I’m killing this monster and burying it!!
I’m here to be completely honest for once, this is the start I’ve never told a soul what I just wrote. I am looking for healing and freedom. I am trusting is Christ and his grace to get me thru this once and for all. Again not to bring religion into this if you don’t believe I respect that but I do and it’s a very core part of me and I believe the ONLY way out of this for me. I need an accountability partner if someone is touched by this testimony, a believer would be awesome but not necessarily required.
I’m ready to start my life without porn. Im ready to fully embrace freedom and never look back!
