NSFW/RAYOR: From TMNT to PMO

There I was a little boy watching my favorite show, completely unaware of how drastically my life would change. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was playing on my living room TV, my mom in the kitchen cooking one of my favorite meals I’m sure. It was like I was all alone happy as could be, full of nothing but childhood innocence and enthralled with my hero’s saving the day once again. It was in a eposdoe entitled “The Case of the Hot Kimono” that the heroine April O’Neil, a sassy reporter girl would show me something about myself that I had no inkling of. You see in the episode she gets a bit too snoopy and gets captured by the bad guy Don Tortelli – famous for his “ways of making you talk”. He sported a nice suit and hat, complete with the perfect feather. When April was captured she and her coworker were tied up and blind folded by Tortelli and his henchmen. All the excitement about how they were going to escape and save the day with the turtles welled up within me I couldn’t wait to see what happens next… Oh how I wish I would’ve never seen it. How it awakened something in me that to this day I cannot sedate again. You see, when Tortelli started inflicting his punishment of tickling April’s feet something deep within me was excited, too excited, a new excited and ashamed feeling overcame me as I watched with newly found curiousity her feet move back and forth in front of of the feather held to them, the way her toes stuck out of the sock holes and her intoxicating laughter, all my senses were suddenly overwhelmed. I absolutely LOVED seeing her feet and then to have them tickled helplessly brought me the most satisfaction and the most embarasment I think I’ve ever experienced. I immediately looked around in the kitchen did my mom see me? Did she noticed how much I noticed?? I remember watching the rest of the episode hoping there was going to be another tickling scene. From that fateful day I was April’s admirer (hence my username :shushing_face:) I later found out that MANY foot guys got their start with that very same scene?! :face_with_monocle:

Fast forward to years later where I began to notice my classmates feet in sandals in KINDERGARTEN :disappointed: I’d purposefully sit by favorite girls in class just to catch a glimpse of their feet. Sad, list had already taken ahold of me. Then on to first, second, third grade playground where girls innocently where playing in the equipment outside barefoot – I loved recess. I loved that I could watch and no one would know. They’re just feet right? Not to me. I was a little older and a Trix commercial came on the TV out of nowhere and boom little girls two bare feet right in the main shot! Again, a sudden overwhelming feeling of shock and excitement and shame filled my heart. I waited for days after that watching as much tv as I possibly could just to catch a glimpse of those feet again :man_facepalming:

It ended up following me thru my entire life after that first TMNT scene. I took this dirty little secret with me throughout school and college and I struggled to justify it, everyone has their own kinks their own tastes. Flash back to when I was sitting in a library and was doing legitimate ebay business when I realized that if the tv had feet maybe the internet would too? I went to the infamous google homepage and typed in slowly “cute”…“girls”… “Fee” I paused, something in me was hesitant to open the door any further but alas I typed the last “T” and did my first pornographic search ever.

What i saw was overwhelming… not only did I find what I was looking for (on a public library computer which had porn blockers :roll_eyes:) but I found a treasure trove of feet…more feet than I had ever seen in my life. I panicked, I shut down the browser and immediay left. What had I found?! There’s THAT MANY feet out there!!! Sounds silly right? But I legit didn’t know that the internet was already onto what I had managed to keep under wraps and secret for years.

Then it got worse, I got my first computer… And dialup internet!! Oh wow and it was in my own room away from anyone… And BONUS I knew enough about computers that I could hide my tracks!! So my parents never has a clue. I had everyone fooled. I was immediately sucked in, all the feet I could ever want right there for me to see. I downloaded realPlayer and found real tickling . com not only did the net cater to my foot obsession but it had TICKLING?? Like I could go and find a beautiful woman (like April) be put in the same situation as what started this whole thing?!?

I continued to look at porn daily, Every night I would stay up for hours and find the perfect feet, the perfect woman with the perfect laugh and loose sleep, miss homework assignments, go into work late because no overslept because even after I laid down I could still see the images and would rather relive them then fall asleep. So many years of my life wasted :sob:

Fast forward to my late teen years. I had a radical change in my life I ended up finding God. Not here to push religion on anyone but I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior and become a born again christian. Surely the porn would stop right? I mean I had heard of people being instantly delivered from drugs and alcohol :pray: but it didn’t… In fact it got much worse. I and changed seriously I’m no longer the person I used to be, except that little dirty sin stuck around and fought its way into my life once again. This time I felt tremendous gulit because now I was convinced that what I was doing was wrong I felt the conviction of sin when I looked at my favorite sites. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I prayed to my new God the one I loved with all my being the one who showed me the truth but still this thorn in the flesh remained… :pensive:

I found the love of my life not long after that, never loved anyone as much as I do her. I thought this is it! This is my way out. She can be enough for me to stop. I don’t want to hurt her, and if she ever found out it would kill her. But again, I failed, I kept at it despite my love for Jesus and her, I still loved my habit. I thought now that I’m getting married I’ll stop! I don’t want to be the husband that looks at porn at night while my wife sleeps but I failed…again. then I had the birth of my first son, surely I would stop being the father that looks at porn, right? I don’t ever want my son to have to struggle the way I have, yet again I fail. And I keep failing. Repent and sin.i hate it. No I loathe it with all my being. Felt like God delivered me from it, didn’t look at the filth for 2 weeks and then bam, a 2 week binge watching BDSM tickle torture and darker stuff. Then porn itself was not enough, I started chatting and seeking real life tickle meetups. Even though I love my wife with everything I got, and she indulges my foot fetish in the bedroom. Still was not enough. She has gorgeous feet, in fact, despite the thousands of feet I’ve seen she still has my dream feet…but even still IT WAS NOT ENOUGH!! :sob::pensive::disappointed:

Now by this time I was REALLY good at hiding my tracks… Like using a separate VM with disk encryption, and a VPN and Tor and things no one would ever be able to put together to catch me. I had everything down to a science. I order myself in my abilities to keep this hidden. I even had decoys setup in case someone were to stumble onto one of the first few layers of my walled fortress! :nerd_face: Oh I could look at porn on my phone right next to you and in one second hide the window which would never show up in my apps list and required a single specialized fingerprint to access all other hidden apps. Genius but pathetic. I even went as far as setting up a network of apps and AI to find the best feet on the web. I was beyond obsessed. I thought if I could get models hooked from instagram that I could get paid in feet pics :sweat_smile: so desperate.

Sorry for the lengthy post but I recently have decided enough is enough :face_with_symbols_over_mouth::triumph::angry:
I’m beyond done with porn. I’m so sick and tired of hiding my tracks, logging into that other account. Swallowing hard when someone asks to use my device… thinking did I use the right browser, what If I get caught? The worst failure is I lost my job due to my porn habit it crept into my workplace and instead of doing my job I was doing my drug of choice, foot porn. I was devastated, I got fired because I wasn’t working. Fair enough. But I am not willing to lose my salvation nor my marriage over this. I’m fed up. I’m killing this monster and burying it!!

I’m here to be completely honest for once, this is the start I’ve never told a soul what I just wrote. I am looking for healing and freedom. I am trusting is Christ and his grace to get me thru this once and for all. Again not to bring religion into this if you don’t believe I respect that but I do and it’s a very core part of me and I believe the ONLY way out of this for me. I need an accountability partner if someone is touched by this testimony, a believer would be awesome but not necessarily required.

I’m ready to start my life without porn. Im ready to fully embrace freedom and never look back!

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What does april means to you !! I mean you choose april admirer as your user name. Everytime you will use this account, you will see this april pic & name !! Why ? Do you realy want freedom ?

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Good to see you here brother…
I did not read your all story…will read later. Your story is also similar to all of us almost. Some have discovered such things themselves some were taught by friends…and we are all suffering now.

But don’t worry no pmo is the way to get out of this all and become the best version of ours and achieve your goals…

Stay celibating :pray::om::pray:

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It’s already mentioned brother…

Read lines here…it’s the name of the character that slowly brought pmo to his life…

@aprilsadmirer
Plz add a line before your topic NSFW ( not safe for work )
Or READ AT YOUR OWN RISK (RAYOR)

because when i read it my dick got erect with tingles and i was going to search for april feet but i paused for a moment and gave it a long thought after which i choose the right actions. I went to workout. If i would have been a beginner i would had relapsed.

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Brother I searched for it and saw the image of April getting tinkled but I was not at all interested in it… it’s not my fantasy. So nothing happened to me and I’m all right .
It is true that…

I think it’s not mine …
But still I’ve not read the story completely…:joy::joy:

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Wise advice @Aanand_vijay . I used that picture and name as a way to hide myself behind what I consider the root of where all this started. I can change it if it is triggering others, I should have thought of that sorry

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@Aanand_vijay I’m sorry I’ve updated it and I never intended to make you stumble :man_facepalming: thank you for your instruction.

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Welcome to a New style of life :

10 TOOLS TO HELP DESTROY PMO FROM YOUR LIFE

My name is Eduardo , and I in Nofap since 2014 , my High streak is 1596 days and I’m an addicted, who faces this evil and try to help others with this simple but effective tools

  1. GUARDING YOUR EYES

Guarding yourself of triggers is essential for get away from Pmo addiction and not just for 90 days, but for the rest of your life, for this the following measures must be adopted:

UNINSTALL INSTAGRAM OR DISABLE SOCIAL NETWORKS THAT MAKE YOU FALL

At least 50 percent of falls I hear in social media come from instagram
even if the person doesn’t follow any instagram model, Instagram puts them without you asking for these models on your screen, it happened to me on social networks and I know it must have happened to you too

Beware of netflix, opt for other streaming services that have fewer triggers, netflix is ​​champion in triggers!
By the way , I recommend you exclude netflix and anothers movies and series with heavy triggers forever

Watch out for some news sites, know where you step, yes have serious sites of news without triggers

And on the street don’t look at women who are dressed provocatively, as this will lead you to fall hours later (as it enters your mind through your eyes and your brain will use it against you later), look away you don’t have to look for none of these triggers

So the principle of Guarding Your Eyes is when you see a trigger anywhere, whether in real or virtual life, immediately dodge the trigger and focus on details around you, breathe 10 seconds, hold the air for 10 seconds and release in 10 seconds do as many times as necessary, if it doesn’t help, take a cold shower to get you back to normal, know that this will pass, this pain is temporary and happens to everyone, especially at the beginning of the reboot, see this as a beneficial pain from surgery taking a tumor (in this case addiction)

Know that guarding your eyes is like exercising your muscles, as time goes by it becomes a habit and that with time ends up being part of you

I emphasize that Guarding your eyes is not running around like desperate, but ignoring is the key , changing the course of the situation, paying attention to the details around you, can be using the 10-second technique or in whatever way you feel most comfortable.

This addiction you do not overcome by hitting face to face , but ignoring , deviating from it.
From face to face this thing become stronger but if you ignore this thing becomes weak and disappears, the desire disappears

  1. DOWNLOAD BLOCKERS

It is essential to get out of addiction to put fences, and one of these fences are blockers, and there are countless ones in the app stores with prominence for Blockerx, BullDog Blocker, Safe Surfer, Pure Web and Clean Browsing (the latter does not have in the app store, only on the official Cleanbrowsing website, free of charge).
Blockers are to prevent involuntary triggers, such as those that appear when you are doing a search for work or school on google images and the triggers appear and also to block the cell phone in case you want to see it, you can also configure it for this by going to password for someone
Blockers also help against triggers on google and youtube, as some of them automatically put youtube and google in restricted mode

  1. GET OUT OF ALL WHATSAPP GROUP DIRTY

This thing is very direct. I don’t think I have to explain.

  1. UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE HAVING THESE TRIGGERS OR URGES

In order to achieve your goal, you need to understand what causes you to relapse. So, for many they are instagram, whatsapp group, without relationship, without purpose in life, boredom, these are the biggest reasons for falling.

Pay attention to what can generate boredom in you, some examples that can generate boredom are: not having contact with people, that is, not socializing, spending a lot of time on the internet aimlessly browsing haphazardly, whether marathoning series or playing, these things do not fill and generate a lot of boredom, so they should be used with balance in descending moments, I repeat again BALANCE

About boredom and how we are digitals zombies to help you undesrtand this problem , I recommend this video
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yYWvUoN4yt8&t=40s

  1. BE BUSY

Always be busy with constructive things, work, study, build or renovate something, it is something good for the Brain and for your well being and it really fills you up

  1. HAVE GOALS, HAVE GOALS!

Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly goals, goals for life, just have goals for your brain to automatically process your ability to achieve it.
And to help you with that I recommend the counting app called Quitzilla.

  1. MEDITE

This will help you to resist these urges, sexual thoughts and give you the power to focus and concentrate.

  1. COLD SHOWER

When the urge arises, go to the shower and take a cold shower.
Cold shower refresh the soul and kill the urges!
Cold shower is to the Mental health and to the whole body very beneficial .Look here:

  1. BE A BETTER PERSON

Donate to charity, do volunteer work, forgive whoever has to forgive, fight for justice in your country, bring light to this world, KNOW that you can make difference ! KNOW that each one of you is special!
Donate sites that fight against Pmo like Rewire companion and others similar sites according to your conditions.

( Support The Rewire Companion Job against Pmo , help others fellows against this addiction )

If you want to go further, You can fight for Justice in your country, proposing laws as a citizen to criminalize the production and distribution of pornography , if you have the influence and conditions to do!Do It! Fight for a better world! Be an instrument of God and God will bless your life a lot! Fighting with you in your struggles and Freeing you from the addiction of pornography.

  1. REFUGE IN A GREATER FORCE

Of all that , I said for you : The foundation of everything is to take refuge in God, no matter religion or non-religion, know that there is something that is above you and that is part of your Essence, it is that inner Voice, of Encouragement that gives you strength in darkest hours and that always calls us, no matter how dark we find ourselves, this Voice is from our Source that calls us and fights this War together with us, without your help and without applying the tools above I would never be able to be free

I hope that the tips above can help you just as it helped me, I want to remind you that the 90 days are just the beginning of the reboot is not the end, so the importance of always having goals, even when completing 1 year, 2, 3 is not the Finally, never accommodate never ! When you reach 90 days, 180 days, 1 year, etc. etc.
The rule of Guarding Your Eyes is eternal and NEVER accommodating ,
because nobody becomes invincible after 90 days, you get stronger and stronger, but if you falter and do not guarding your eyes and live a life without goals sooner or later, you will fall.
If you fall, remember of never go back to square one, do not let a block dismantle the building you have built!
And after you rise up help others rise up too!

Come on! Let’s do It ! Let’s destroy this addiction and the Evil Empire of Pornography!

#NoFapForever
#BeaBetterPerson
#HelpOthers
#HelpYourself

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@EduardoIsraeli thank you for your tips, I agree that guarding our eyes is the best way to stop the thoughts which stop the actions. I appreciate your post. Social media is a trap for sure I got rid of instagram and tumblr two huge triggers. The problem with me is that feet are everywhere. Think about it? The beach, summer, these are usually innocent enough places but not for me. I’ve decided to see the whole woman as just that a real woman I’m deciding to focus on their face, and not look below the waist from now on. Unfortunately my first instinct is to look down this will be the hardest thing to unlearn I believe. Thank you again :slightly_smiling_face:

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