Not nofap related,

[Rab_J]

M24 Nazareth, Christian HollyLands

I have some childhoot shit that still hiunt me, got alot alot of beating growing up, and my father wasn’t supportive and still not, he representing the family never had my back, and know more for yelling cursing breaking things.

Anyways, today my father affects every aspect in my life, and a major character in the whole family dynamic, its driving the family to bad place. My grandmother never talked with him, nor my aunts and uncles, I’ve tried to let them in into the picture, but none would talk him and even more they would take a side against who ever talks to my father.

I'm getting from one depression period to another, can't keep myself afloat, cause he's a big deal for me, he's very important for me, and his actions/attitude affects me. I get panic attacks I feel paralysed can't function. 

When ever I have a situation in life and people come rushing at me in offinsive attitude I panic and freez. my confedense is low, and everything can get under my skin easily. My father is my comfort and my safty, or supposed to be.

[Forerunner]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through with your father. Family can be so complicated. I don’t have a good relationship with my father either, as much as I’d like one. He beat me when I was growing up, too; he was a violent and abusive man, unsupportive too. Even now, as an adult, every conversation with him is him putting me down. I had to distance myself from him to keep my sanity.

I hope you can find a way through the challenges, brother.