Not again! NO! (Possible triggers)

I got out of a ■■■■ addiction 13 years ago. Now I’m getting pulled into a habit of watching fetish videos on YouTube. Since this is the confession section, let me say that I have a fetish for shoes. Especially shoes getting messy with mud, food, etc. Really weird, I know. The thing is, it can arouse me even if it’s just the shoes, and nobody wearing them. So, telling myself that it isn’t p*rn, I have been watching these videos and masturbating. I can feel the addiction setting in. I was on a decent streak and then fell the other day. Then again today. It’s so scary to feel like you really don’t want to do something, but having such fickle desires. In two days my desire to masturbate will be back, despite being sick of it now. It’s like a nightmare.

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Another night of masturbation and pseudo -p*rn. Shoes, clothes, underwear, etc. Stopped a few minutes ago before orgasm. Hopefully I will stay strong the rest of the night. I don’t know what happened - I was doing Ok and then I just crumbled. Possibly this app itself is triggering me by putting thoughts of PMO in my mind. Or making it seem less frightening. I don’t know. I might take a break from here if this continues.

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