Hi, I just joined the community. I have been dealing with addiction to masturbation and ■■■■. I feel overstimulated all the time.
Masturbation has caused problems before in my relationship because my husband think that if I jerk off alone is because I don’t desire him anymore. And also I think has affected my performance in sex.
Today is my day 1 and I am commited to make better.
My question is, does the masturbation while having sex also count? It is ok to have sex with my partner while doing the challenge?
You can make love with your spouse , it will help you and your relationship with your husband . And it’s not a relapse or a bad thing to make love with your spouse in this journey .
You can talk to him and spend some quality time with your partner , when you get urges of PMO.
Has it always been a case or did it start later in your marriage? If latter is the case, then there are chances that there might be something missing in the relationship. It often stems from our deeper fears and adequacies, when we turn to something like this. Don’t worry about relapse or no relapse at the moment, even much about sex or anything, just spend as much time with your partner as you can. Re-develop that connection, those feelings, look in each other’s eye and feel the connection that goes way deeper than confines of your body, that connects you even when you are away, always in the hearts of each other.
Don’t take it personally but I’ll tell you some normal things. Many people live with spouses who are away, diseased, injured, even paralysed, but they don’t deceive their partners or begin seeking pleasure from other sources like finding other people or turning to pmo. Infact these are the times when your worth as a partner, as a loving person, is tested. Its very easy to love a beautiful body, its not easy to love from the soul. So, immediately, stop watching pornography or fantasizing about other guys. Its very harmful. People can quit smoking, drinking, and even their most desired guilty pleasures for the people they love, and there is no reason why you cannot. You have every bit of potential and capacity to do that. You can control yourself.
You are very lucky. You have a partner that you can rely on. Talk to him and convey your every thought. Fears, desires, inadequacies, needs, everything, and most imoortantly your love for him, and how much he means to you. Communication solves everything. It’ll get better. Have faith.
Engaging in sexual activities with your partner is normal and I guess when you are far away for a lot of days if you engage in masturbation once in a while thinking about your partner only then also its fine, but be honest about that as well, I personally don’t prefer watching ■■■■, I haven’t once watched ■■■■ since the time I have been in relationship, it feels like cheating somehow.
And yeah since you have a loving partner who can fulfill your needs in every way, why engage in pornography, when you are feeling out of control you should directly talk about it to your partner, you guys can find some solution to it together.