Are you online? I can’t see if you are. This site has got some problems.
I can’t see if I’m online either.
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its a new update or bug, read this and the chat below
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Yeah I guess they’ll fix it. Let it be for now.
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I don’t think it will be fixed because we would have known by now.
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Doesn’t really matter to me, as long as my diary is safe.
They can do anything they want 
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And the urges are back. It’s a superposition state where I’m horny but at the same time also disgusted about watching ■■■■.
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Damn it what the fuck is happening 
There’s a tug of war inside me and I’m the rope.
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Take this video soldier , PMO is never worth it
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I don’t see any link.
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Today was a very bad day. I did nothing useful and just battled my inner demons.
I did watch a movie, guardians of the galaxy part 3.
I realized I relate so much to that rocket raccoon 
, not just part of what I am but what I want to be.
Anyway, I’m hoping to make tomorrow better. This was a low point I hit after a long time. I still didn’t relapse and I’m simply not interested in ■■■■ anymore even if I’m horny af.
I’m highly disgusted with it, and my brain is saying how can you even think of watching other people have sex?
Along with that, the trans fetish also seems completely dissolved. I simply can’t stand it as it seems right now. Can’t let my guard down of course, because I’m afraid it might come back. If it does, then I’m ready for it.
This horniness, even if had been too much for me to handle is not asking for ■■■■. It’s probably asking for the real thing.
These are probably the urges after that flatline period, and maybe they’ll be gone soon too.
Maybe this is part of the healing, I don’t know.
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I see , looks like the bugs are not removed yet. Typing Erwin speech on YT will do the trick.
But the more important thing is whether you got over your urges. From your streak , I see you have not relapsed. I know ,you are a strong man. Keep at it 
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You can access everything in this if you just watch the website without signing in from the browser. You can also see who’s online. But you have to keep signed out.
It’s a very weird state I’m in. Like two strong thoughts (both the desire and the disgust) have been superimposed upon each other.
Not very clear but you can see here.
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I can relate it bro. I was home alone for like 5 days straight. And these kind of stuffs do happen in my mind. When I get horny , I go to YT to type some triggering stuffs. But now when I am about to type of it , a second thought appears like " Are u gonna live like this forever ? " . This thought makes me clench my fists automatically and gets me angry at the same time. This happens for me many times these days.
This is something I never addressed here. But I’ve been there. Apart from all the drawbacks I had from consuming PMO like low self esteem etc , This is something that feared me that most.
Whenever I am at Day 0 or 1 , I lose interest for women completely and I hate to admit it but I weirdly develop some kind of affection towards men who are like self disciplined and all. This thought was like an inner demon consuming me from inside.
But when I get some testosterone back like when I reach like 7 - 8 days , The reverse happens. I lost interest in men and develop strong affection for women. Initially I equate that with lust. With time in progress that also fade away.
Thats why I hate 0 - 7 streaks after a relapse. Its a nightmare.
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A lesson to learn from here, as I’m a demisexual (not 100%, but still a big amount) that I can get addicted to real thing as easily as I got addicted to ■■■■.
I’m not interested in casual sex again, but I’ve heard from a few people that a hooker/prostitute/camgirl/whatever else along with giving you the sexual services also give you some emotional services if you pay them good enough.
I’ve seen on the internet that some even act as if they’re your wife and what not and will do the house chores for you for that particular day.
Now how true is that I don’t really know(as I never took such services), but I had thought about this even before I heard of it. I had thought that if I were ever to hire a prostitute, I’d make her do these things myself.
On top of that Some people do offer hugs and comfort as a paid service (without the sexual stuff) and I know that most men don’t simply want sex. I’m talking about the men who are sober from the hookup culture of course. Those addicted to only sex simply won’t care, and their drive for release is so bad that they’ll do it with anyone, including other men and animals.
The good thing is, what I want now (the real thing) is not as readily accessible as ■■■■ is. It will take a very huge effort for me to score something like this, and obviously I wouldn’t want a prostitute just for a day. It’s simply not that efficient. This makes way for me to focus on myself now.
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It’s okay, you’re not alone. Me and @Forerunner have had this similar problem.
(@Forerunner I hope you’re okay if I mention you here man, and I’m sure there are many more on this forum itself who have this fetish, just that they haven’t revealed it yet)
I have been battling this fetish actively (and I’m still doing it) and I have made a good progress as you can see. I can’t say for sure if I’m fully healed yet, but I have made a big progress.
I’ll put it here itself, the reason I liked trans ■■■■ is because they look like women (well some of them look quite feminine) but they approach like men. As in a woman wouldn’t take the initiatives as men in a relationship or even sex. They just sit there and let men do all the work. Unlike trans people, who look like women but act like men(in this regard).
I’m sure any man would be happy if he gets approached by a woman instead of him approaching her. That can be for anything, if she asks you for a date or she actively intiates sex or whatever else. Any man (or any person in that regard) wants to be cared and loved.
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And the speaker of my laptop is done one more time. This day can’t get any worse 
All I did was play some music and did it on full sound for just 20 minutes. That’s fucking it.
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I could really use some of that sexual energy I’ve saved up till now .
I wonder when will it show up.
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The trans fetish got so bad for me that I was attracted to one in real life.
I waa working for a delivery company and every morning I would see this receptionist who was a transgendered person. Long blonde hair, makeup, fashionable dress. It didn’t help that they were flirtatious too. I had a lot of sexual intrusive thoughts about them, and I had to tell myself that this was just a result of the pornography. I didn’t truly have any interest of being with this person in such a manner.
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Yeah we’ve talked about that. That person also flirted with you.
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