Nayanshatru's journey from a Cocoon to Butterfly

Who am I? I seriously have forgotten. What I am? Nothing.
This is whatever self esteem is left in me and that’s null. What have I not done? Hurted myself, my love, my life and whom not!
Man, I am trying for the last 9 months. That’s a freaking huge time for me. And trust me, from the last 5 years I have no achievements to share with you. Specially, the last 9 months I have not even achieved a penny. No growth in life.

Ah! Whom am I trying to tell my story. Even if any one of you is generally intrested in knowing that how porn devasted my life, do reply to this. I will make you feel the pain. Yeah! For sure I won’t be able to give you tips for streaks as am myself fighting. To be precise, it’s just now 0 days, 5 mins

I have lost my energy. So dozing off. Will fight this battle together. Here I will write my daily dairy and companions will surely motivate me.
Will talk about plannings for recovery and routine, tommorow morning.

Hope to wake up to improve.

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Brother, we got your back. No one will understand you as much as we will. We feel your pain, we feel the helplessness. We understand. The very fact that you didn’t quit trying to break free even after failing for 9 months is motivation enough for all of us. Think of these as chains. All of us are bound. Some chains are stronger than others. Some of us are not as weakened by these chains as others. They break free faster and easier. But do know that each and every tug, each and every pull you make at them, they grow weaker and you get stronger. Bit by bit, piece by piece, little by little. There arr no chains in the world which aren’t weakened by time or sheer fucking human will to never quit. Keep pulling at them. Know that there are thousands by your side, fighting the same battles. We all will break free, even
if it takes years, because in the end, porn is not as strong as any of us. It’s just a weak, cowardly, pathetic little thing, which posed as our friend and won over us by seduction, binding us in chains.

Read this. It will change your perspective about relapses and bingeing.

DO NOT EVEN THINK OF GIVING UP!! You WILL keep moving, crawling, if it comes to that, even if you fail a thousand times. You have seen porn for what it is, you sworn enemy instead of your best friend, and that brother, makes all the difference in the world.

Stay strong, stay blessed, because you are both.

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Time- 10:40 pm

Day 1
Finally a day and few hours passed. Just a day back I was submerged with guilt, shame and weakness.
The weakness has started to go away.

Things I did:

  • Ate fruits which surely contributed in fast recovery
  • Got myself into a Challenge on this app, that’s the Study Challenge
  • Made a dish that’s very close to my heart

Mistakes

  • Spending too much time on phone
  • Drinking less water
  • Not working out

Sleep has just hung on my eyes. Will write tommorow.

3 Likes

Time- 10:30 pm

Day 2
Feeling much better with each hour passing. Today’s day has remained a tireful day both physically and mentally.

Things I did:

  • Had fruits in my breakfast which helped in detoxification of my body
  • Am hooked to all kind of “tasty” garbage. But today I eat vegetables in lunch.
  • Studied in the afternoon
  • Read the newspaper
  • Made the college work done
  • Limited the phone usage

Mistakes

  • Jealousy is hollowing me from inside
  • Drinking less water
  • Arbitary planning of day
  • Not completing goals in time

Urges?
Yeah! They were. But negligible.
Only when a girl comes in sight, creates problems. Feeling a little heavy down there.

A quote to end with:

If you can face the toughest problems with a smile, you have already reached your goal

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Great brother… stay alert everytime… triggers are everywhere… just distrct your mind…and embrace urges… these 2 things always help.

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Time- 10:30 pm

Day 3

Improving day by day. That’s what giving me hopes and confidence for a better future.

Things I did:

  • Studied a lot (5 hours). That’s satisfying for a beginner like me.
  • Eat fruits
  • Started reading a book on Brahmacharya
  • Limited phone usage
  • Did kegel’s
  • Cold shower

Mistakes

  • I know it sounds disgust but I have to control and restrict frequest meetings with my cousins who really create a havoc for me.
  • Again drinking less water.
  • Eating meat. Ahhh man I couldn’t stop myself from eating that piece of lust inducer. Shame!
  • No workout at all is just depositing fats.

Urges?
Won’t ignore the thing. It was there. But managed to cop up.

Changes I want to see tommorow

* For sure workout need to be done * Need to drink water more consciously * Maintaining the study hours

Man has degraded him lower than even animals. Animals have better self control than men

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Time- 12:00 am

Day 4

Am very ill today. I don’t know for what reason but I became ill and suffered a lot.
Couldn’t complete much of my tasks.

Hope a sound sleep will improve my condition

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Time- 11:00 pm

Day 5
I woke up with a mild headache which increases with time. Though the day was cool as it was raining all day and cloudy most of the time.
The headache didn’t let me complete my tasks in morning.

I took a break in the morning. From afternoon I started to complete my daily tasks and was quite successful in that.

:white_check_mark: Completed 4 hours of study
:white_check_mark: Followed a healthy diet
:white_check_mark: Limited phone usage

I am currently reading a book on Brahmacharya and I have to say that it really has the capability to change me.

Ah! These days the mood swings are just irritating me. Am sleepy now. Good night.

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I had relapsed after getting a streak of 10 days. And had been trapped since then.
Am starting again this journey.
Today, it’s day 0.

I promise to update the diary everyday.

You are a God.
You have forgotten your powers.
Wake Up dear
:fire:

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Bro. That’s a very powerful statement you made. I don’t even know whether I deserve that or not.
But really it boosted me to work again and increase my self esteem

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Day 1
Time: 9:03 pm

Nice! The guilt and pain got away. I couldn’t wake up in the time I decided to. But it wasn’t late too much.
Was a little careless about things. Used the internet a little for college admissions.
The phone usage was much less than other days. That’s a nice achievement to boast of.
Am currently learning to ride a bike and enjoying this.
PMO had really made me so lazy and useless, I had no achievements from the last 9-10 years.
But now planning to stack success in line.
Praying!! :pray::pray:
I studied also.

I know my journal is a little hapazard. Ok! Will try to organize gradually.
Peace everyone.

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You deserve everything… You are not an inch less than anybody.
You are a very good human.
Love Yourself.
You are much stronger & Powerful.
Break the wrong self image… Wake Up to your Original character.

You got the best of universe.