I just relapsed . My highest streak was about 45 days in 2025 . And my highest in 2026 is about 10 days . I feel shit . Idk who will read this, ik nobody gives dammn about my story but still here it is . In 2024 September 18 my knee was dislocated I was in high-school back then. And a month later my only dear person who actually gave a damn about me my grandpa died. And whats the worst part couldn’t able to bury him with my own hands cuz of that knee dislocation. I just couldn’t bear it . The worst part is yet to come. In November 18 2025 I lost my testical idk how but It got twisted somehow and I didn’t bother going to doctor for 4days . But when I reached there it was already too late. Ya . Just shit man . Lost my grandpa who used to brought me gifts. Back when everyone was calling me fatty chubby , my grandpa was there for me . The only regret he was started saying things randomly in his deathbed . Doctor said its brain fog .I got the damn brain fog tooo . Just suckkkkk. I couldn’t able to talk to him last time . I am miserable. Itreat my grandpa badly in his deathbed . I yelled at him . Just a bad coward runner iam . I was smart when I was kid . I was able to solve problems quickly . I had a lot of energy back then . Now its just didn’t exist. This is my shit life .. just stuck in loop . It all started in 2023 . And strangely all problems starts at 18. Like my knee dislocated in 18 . My grandpa died in 18. I lost testies in 18 . Its just damnn 18 . Whats this . Is My life a game . Or a puzzle . Dammmitttt. I hope everyone to be keep fighting . Idk when I will be hanging myself. Without grandpa its hard. Ik we gotta let go of past . But im not in my right mind rn . Sorry myself . I couldn’t keep up the promise.
Know that your story matters, your life matters. We’re in this together and as long as we are alive, we can heal and grow out of the ashes of the past. Resilience is built into every living thing.
i dont know whether this quote might help you but heres it anyways..
dum, spiro spero (while i breath, i hope)
until you die, there’s billions of possibilities that could happen, we don’t know half of them might even be possible but yes that’s maths not bluffing, man if 18 was all that happened, maybe this year, maybe 21, yes 21, you could turn it around isn’t it? it is one of the billions of possibilities too..
yeh thats just motivation, but from my side I am limited by it, I can’t learn to deal problems in your life, that doesn’t even make sense, you have it all in your hands, i hope at 21(my guess of your age) you could turn it around and discipline becomes a Tuesday for you..
We have to keep moving forward brother, that’s the only option he have, it doesn’t matter how worse our situation is but we have do it somehow, my situation is just like you or may be worse but we have to get up and fight back, we all are here to help you if you need us.
Really sorry about your grandpa, man. Don’t do anything to yourself. You matter more than you realize.
Keep writing here (there will always be someone who sees it) or journaling if it helps, but also reach out to someone trusted or a professional. You’re not alone.
As a Muslim, I believe Allah is near to the broken-hearted and can turn pain into healing. This pain isn’t pointless and your story isn’t over yet. And if you’re open to faith, try turning to Allah (God) in your own words. You deserve to heal. Never give up.
Pray to god.
Excercise.
Be nice to your family.
Learn to withstand urges, anger, emotions etc.
If you are indian, follow premanand ji on youtube. Listen to his paramvachans & your depression would be gone from day 1.
Only egoist person end their body. Be humble & give thanks to the situations which lead you to nofap. Millions are lost there, suffering in silence. Atleast you can crawl out of this shit with some fight.